Photographs

[Anonymous]

We live on the opposite side of the country from our beautiful baby grandson and my son and his wife. My daughter-in-laws family lives here, near them. We are in DC visiting now and there are several framed photographs of my son and daughter-in-law with her entire family and only one of our side of the family from their wedding among a collage of wedding pictures. My grandson also has a little book called "Who Loves Baby" and all of the pictures inside are of her family.

I am so hurt. I will not say anything to my son about this but I do want them to know that my husband and I love our grandson too and would visit more if we could afford to. I have never posted on anything like this before and am in near tears.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, OP (that is what we call the Original Poster). I would be hurt in your position as well. Your daughter-in-law may just be guilty on not thinking and it has nothing to do with she or your son knowing how much you love your baby grandson.

[Anonymous]

Are the photographs displayed professional photos? I bet they paid for the photographer to get family photos of all of them. The pictures could also be gifts. I really don't have pictures of my in laws and us to display. They never have any taken with us.

I bet the baby book was a gift from the other grandparents. You could also do this.

[Anonymous]

DIL here. I actively want photos of my family and I displayed. I ask DH which photos he wants displayed of his family and he'll say he doesn't care. I still put a few up, but can't help that there aren't many of his family.

[Anonymous]

That's really difficult, obviously since the other side of the family is close to them, they will inherently have more pictures. I've also noticed that the wife is most likely to print the pictures, so your son most likely hasn't noticed. Have a little chat with your son, I'm sure it was nothing malicious.

[Anonymous]

So sorry, OP. Someone in her family probably gave her the book. It's understandable that you are hurt. Are there any good pictures of you and your grandson?

Maybe you could step up your efforts to be involved. My DD's grandparents live far away, but they video chat with her weekly and read books. My MIL has also recorded some videos of herself reading aloud, which my DD loves to watch. Toddlers love to receive mail, so you could send a monthly note with some pictures.

[Anonymous]

Really sorry, OP.

It's important that you speak with your son about this, rather than making it your DIL's responsibility. With a new baby, she has enough on her plate without having to manage the relationship. In past years it may have been that the wife did all of this type of thing, but these days each partner is more likely to take care of relationships with their own side of the family. That can be hard if your son is not conscientious about this sort of thing, but it really is on him.

[Anonymous]

DIL here. There are more pics of my parents in my house. But also when we go to my inlaws, there's not ONE picture of DH and I displayed. I know they like me. It really hurt that after my wedding (that they didn't pay for), they didn't display one picture of us. I like my inlaws and just have forgotten about it.

[Anonymous]

We have a similar situation with one set of grandparents local and the other hours away. If it makes you feel any better, our kids don't love one set any more than the others. Get some pictures taken and put them in another photo album. Maybe start facetime calls or skype to get more interaction. Sorry you feel sad, I know it isn't easy.

[Anonymous]

They were probably gifts from your daughter in law's family. Why don't you create a few photo albums/framed pictures and give them to your son as a gift?

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a daughter in law with long-distance in-laws. If it was me that had hurt your feelings, I would love for you to say something like "let's take some pictures of all of us - we need a good portrait!" or something like that. Something lovingly suggested and offered is always easier to manage than the guilt response.

I don't know their story of course, but it could be that the other grandparents organized or gifted the photos and frames that are displayed. But regardless of the reasons, being right there you have a great opportunity to contribute toward the kind of relationship you hope you can have with her/them as a new little family.

[Anonymous]

While you are here, why not stop by a portrait studio (or hire a photographer for a session, if you can find one and it's affordable for you) and then frame a picture for son and DIL to display?

I'm sorry you're so hurt, OP. But please try to fix the situation instead of stewing over it and letting resentment build.

[Anonymous]

Yes, unless you have a bad relationship with your daughter-in-law, then you need to assume that someone gave them those pictures. I know that in my case, I never walk around and think about the balance of pictures displayed, we just hang the photos we have on hand. Get some great pictures of you with your grandson and frame it in a way that fits their decor. I'm sure they will appreciate the gift.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the book of pictures was a gift from that side of the family. If you want more pics I would make an effort to take pictures together and print them out for your DIL. And mention it to your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the book of pictures was a gift from that side of the family. If you want more pics I would make an effort to take pictures together and print them out for your DIL. And mention it to your son.

I was just going to post the same thing. Maybe DIL's family had the book made.
I come from a family where we are all extroverts and have always taken tons of pictures. DH comes from a family of introverts and they almost never take pictures. So yes, there are significantly fewer pics of him and his family around the house.