Is it easier to have grandparents in town or long-distance?
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Anonymous
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We have one set of each, and each comes with its own set of challenges. Obviously a lot of it is due to specific personalities and situations, but at times lately I've been thinking it's easier to have them long-distance. How terrible is that?! Ideally, within a few hours' drive so that you could get together on weekends when you want but there wouldn't be as much pressure on a daily basis to see each other.
Anyone care to share their experience? |
Anonymous
| Depends entirely on the grandparents. I wish the set that's 3000 miles away could be farther. The ones that are 400 miles I wish could be closer. |
Anonymous
| Mine are down the street. We waited to have kids until they moved here. |
Anonymous
| We have in town grandparents and would never move unless they came with us. But obviously not all families get along (and some get along better at a distance). |
Anonymous
| No family at all close by. It sucks big time. |
Anonymous
| Long-distance. For sure. |
Anonymous
| My mom drives me insane, we just don't have compatible personalities. She tends to make a lot of disparaging comments about my appearance and put me down for being disorganized. But I am still very very glad she lives nearby, she is very good to DS. If she weren't here, he would be in aftercare until the last possible minute every weekday. |
Anonymous
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I envy those with local grandparents who "get it" when it comes to having young kids. What a blessing. Our local grandparents try to be helpful, but it is only on their terms (e.g. bring the kids to our house/why don't we have holiday dinner at 2pm (kids naptime)/etc.) and then whine that they don't see the kids as much as they'd like.
Also the "friendly advice" (not asked for) when you see each other regularly get so old. There just aren't as many opportunities for out of town grandparents to get it wrong, ha ha. |
Anonymous
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BOTH sets of grandparents live nearby. We are in the middle, but are closer, distance-wise to my IL. Still, about a 40 minutes each way. It's tough. One advantage is that I do not have to "host" visiting in laws for overnights or longer. I couldn't do that, psychologically! My ILs come to everything (all kids' sports games) and expect to be invited to everything (performances, school events, etc.) but I no longer even convey this information to them. I have to establish clear boundaries with my ILs because they are give an inch/take a mile type. Seeing them at sporting events every weekend is about all I can take. My own parents are elderly and in poor health. One of my parents has Alzheimer's. Still, the pressure is on for me to visit/help/support them. My in laws complain that we don't see them/do things with them often enough. |
Anonymous
| I wish the grandparents were 45 minutes away. Far enough that they wouldn't pop in without calling but close enough that we could visit without spending a night and have them babysit on a weekend without a hassle. |
Anonymous
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For one set it makes no difference. I'm not close to my dad and my mom is a self-involved narcissist.
My DH's parents are generally wonderful and very helpful. We've lived far away from them and now very close. With closeness comes the expectation of quid pro quo for everything they do. I'm not so thrilled about that. |
Anonymous
I should clarify that I have two teens and a middle schooler. When we had very young children, we did have either/both sets of grandparents babysit - even for weekends away sometimes. Oddly, both sets of grandparents always, always insisted that the grandchild(ren) would come to their house. This got to be an incredibly difficult arrangement as the children got older, especially when the idea was the entire weekend at grandparents' house/so no birthday parties for friends/sports games, etc. Not part of the bargain for the grandparents. We used the grandparents less and less...too much hassle and easier to hire a neighborhood sitter for a few hours. |
Anonymous
We have to drive out to see my local mom and eat dinner at 2 pm. Old people get set in their ways. |
Anonymous
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15:55. We also have to have both sets of grandparents to our house for every holiday. Had to do this as a compromise because for about 10 years, DH and I were expected to divide our day between the two sets of grandparents' houses.
Mothers Day is always complicated. Both moms expect to be feted and acknowledged and it's always left to me to make everyone happy. I dread Mother's Day/always a sucky day for me. |
Anonymous
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My ILs live about two and a half hours away, and that works out all right. They come for a weekend or we go up. They've even come down and gone back in a day when DS was a baby and they wanted to see him more frequently but we weren't keen on whole weekend visits.
My parents live much further away, and I wish they lived in similar proximity or closer. It can be hard to re-acclimate to each other between visits. "Here's what DS is like now, no we don't do x anymore, now DS can do y…." By the time they know all the little details it's back to the airport. Frankly, it would be nice to be able to have either set over for a lazy Sunday afternoon/evening. |