Is it easier to have grandparents in town or long-distance?

[Anonymous]

It's so nice to know I'm not the only one dealing with the expectations and guilt(!) associated with having nearby grandparents.

Also agree with PP regarding Mother's Day. I seriously wish my husband and kids would surprise me with a Mother's Day weekend away so I wouldn't have to deal with the expectations from our own mothers. When our first was born a week or so prior to Mother's Day, we ended up doing the circuit of his mom and my mom with newborn in tow. I didn't get to eat, because we missed the meal timing at each venue. What a show, never again.

Seems there are definitely advantages to having them at arms-length long distance, although then I imagine you have to deal with traveling with little ones and more extended hosting.

Those with helpful grandparents -- you are so lucky!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No family at all close by. It sucks big time.

+1

[Anonymous]

My in laws live across the country. They are a little overbearing when we visit each other but I think that's due to how much they miss us. So I think I would not mind if we lived an hour apart. We could see each other for once a week dinners, and after four hours or so we'd be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends entirely on the grandparents. I wish the set that's 3000 miles away could be farther. The ones that are 400 miles I wish could be closer.

Opposite here. I grew up with loving, warm, supportive, helpful family surrounding us. DH did not have family nearby. Now, my family is long distance, and DH's is nearby, but totally self involved. To have my family nearby would be ideal, but it is just not in the cards. When we go home, we see my family, and its great. To have them nearby would mean to have that bond I had with them when I was growing up, and that is priceless.

But it totally depends on the family members, OP. If they are frigid, toxic and self involved, then it doesn't really matter if no one is in close proximity, really. I know MIL uses the excuse that her daughters are close to her, but truth is, she babysat a LOT for them and they wore her out, sadly. She has been rude to us all along, so it is really no use. I am not responsible for the chip on her shoulder.

[Anonymous]

My parents are wonderful grandparents. They are 50 minutes away. They have been a lifesaver since our third child was born with a some health problems.

My MIL thank god lives on the West coast. She is a drama queen who we support since she can't save worth shit. She hates children and is a witch.

[Anonymous]

Both are about 250 miles away, wish the in-laws were on the west coast with my SIL, and my parents... I wish they were a bit closer, maybe 80-100 miles.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws who live 2 miles away see my son less than my parents who live 1500 miles away. They like to spend time with him in theory, just don't actually do it.

[Anonymous]

With long distance, they're staying with you for each visit, right? I think that presents more opportunities for discomfort than having them pop by for a couple hours and then go back home.

But I say that as some one with parents who respect boundaries, a MIL who genuinely does try to restrain her inclinations to take over, and a FIL who can't control himself. So, having the ILs just a bit closer, so that MIL could make a day trip out of it would be nice. I'd love to have my parents an hour away.

[Anonymous]

Since becoming a parent, I'm always jealous of friends who have local parents and/or siblings (the ones who get along well). They got so much help when their babies were born and tons of regular support beyond visits like babysitting - even for a week at a time so the friends could have some kids-free time together. Also it doesn't require a long and expensive trip to see them.

I like where we live and am thankful that we get to see our families who we love and get along with a few times each year, but do miss them between visits and feel the burden of things I know we'd have help with if we lived closer.

[Anonymous]

In town. Despite whatever minor annoyances occur, the experiences is fabulous for everyone, I think.

[Anonymous]

Obviously depends on the people.

[Anonymous]

Both our parents are between 300-400 miles away. It's close enough that they visit often, but far enough that when they visit we are hosting them for several nights. We probably get about 16 visits from them each year plus the 3 trips we make to them. It gets to be way too much. I would much prefer something far enough that you didn't have daily visits but close enough that we could spend an afternoon together.

[Anonymous]

When we lived far away from ILs, they visited and behaved like guests. When we moved to be near them, they assumed we came to live "with them" and became intrusive and bossy. It took at least 2 years to establish some sort of boundaries, but the experience was really hard on our relationship with DH. My parents are 4 hours away, and I wish it was 1 hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
BOTH sets of grandparents live nearby. We are in the middle, but are closer, distance-wise to my IL. Still, about a 40 minutes each way.

It's tough.

One advantage is that I do not have to "host" visiting in laws for overnights or longer. I couldn't do that, psychologically!

My ILs come to everything (all kids' sports games) and expect to be invited to everything (performances, school events, etc.) but I no longer even convey this information to them.

I have to establish clear boundaries with my ILs because they are give an inch/take a mile type. Seeing them at sporting events every weekend is about all I can take.

My own parents are elderly and in poor health. One of my parents has Alzheimer's. Still, the pressure is on for me to visit/help/support them.

My in laws complain that we don't see them/do things with them often enough.

This is almost my exact situation. We try to see everyone equally and my in-laws complain ALL THE TIME that we don't see them enough. We see them tons! My parents are involved but much more laid back. They let us live our lives and adore spending time with us, but do not demand it. Guess who we prefer to spend time with?

[Anonymous]

One set of grands are deceased, the other set lives almost 200 miles away. Sometimes I wish they were closer, but we do very well with the distance. It makes us miss each other!