Bar Mitzvah--no food

[Anonymous]

My DH and in-laws are in uproar. A cousin threw a bar mitzvah for his kid, and it turned out there was no meal for the guests, many of whom flew in from out of state. After the ceremony, they were told to go off and fend for themselves, basically. The next day, I think there was a bagel breakfast (no lox).

This is not done, right? DH and family are calling this very stingy and tacky. The old folks are flabbergasted.

I was raised Catholic, and if we don't feed people after First Communion, it's no biggie. I guess you should have some food out for a funeral, though, I don't know.

Is this a massively big deal as everyone is making it out to be, or do they just not like Cousin? There have been whispers that said Cousin is basically throwing hospitality out the window to convert his son's bar mitzvah into a money grab. Is this kind of accusation justified?

[Anonymous]

All the bar/bas mistvahs I've been to have been large catered affairs. Much closer to a wedding than a first communion. Imagine being invited to a wedding, attending the ceremony, and then there being no reception. That's what it's equivalent to.

[Anonymous]

Never heard of this.

[Anonymous]

Agree this is unheard of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the bar/bas mistvahs I've been to have been large catered affairs. Much closer to a wedding than a first communion. Imagine being invited to a wedding, attending the ceremony, and then there being no reception. That's what it's equivalent to.

OP here. This event has caused everyone to reminisce about past bar/bat mitzvahs they have attended. Some of them sound EPIC. I wish I were there.

DH and in-laws pointed out there was not a single one with no food.

Is this a new trend?

[Anonymous]

Yes. That's totally bizarre. Jews = food. It's the basis of every Jewish holiday. We were attacked, we fought back, we won, we ate!

[Anonymous]

Even if they didn't want to do anything fancy they should at the very least have a kiddush after the ceremony (light lunch and or dessert buffet). No food at all is ridiculous. Totally unheard of.

[Anonymous]

I think we are talking about two separate meals. Usually, after the long bar mitzvah, the parents of that day's mitzvah, host a light "meal" in an adjacent hall to feed those who have sat through the longer ceremonies. We usually skip those. Then there is the big party and food either off site immediately after the ceremony or, more commonly in this area, in the evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if they didn't want to do anything fancy they should at the very least have a kiddush after the ceremony (light lunch and or dessert buffet). No food at all is ridiculous. Totally unheard of.

They may have had some sort of snacks. I'm not sure. No dinner.

[Anonymous]

There wasn't even a little oneg?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we are talking about two separate meals. Usually, after the long bar mitzvah, the parents of that day's mitzvah, host a light "meal" in an adjacent hall to feed those who have sat through the longer ceremonies. We usually skip those. Then there is the big party and food either off site immediately after the ceremony or, more commonly in this area, in the evening.

They may have had snacks on-site. There was no "meal" proper, is my understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There wasn't even a little oneg?

OP here. I had to look that up. I believe there were snacks. No "meal." The bottom line, from what I understand, was that people "left hungry." Guests individually hunted around for local restaurants for dinner.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't have to be wedding epic, but it needs to include a light lunch at least.

[Anonymous]

I agree. That is totally unheard of. Jews feed people. There is no occasion too small not to have food. A bar mitzvah is a big deal, there should have been at least a light lunch. Totally bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There wasn't even a little oneg?

OP here. I had to look that up. I believe there were snacks. No "meal." The bottom line, from what I understand, was that people "left hungry." Guests individually hunted around for local restaurants for dinner.

That's messed up. I know the stereotype of Jews = being cheap, but I've never found it to be true and CERTAINLY not around bar or bat mitzvahs.