What's going to happen to my sister?

[Anonymous]

My little sister is recently divorced with 3 kids, she's 46 years old. Though she didn't work while she was married she has since gotten a low paying job at a retail store (she has a college degree). Currently she's not making ends meet with her rent, daycare, etc. My elderly parents are currently subsidizing a little to help her out during this post-divorce time. While I'm very hopeful that eventually she will get a better paying job and remarry, I'm concerned about her future since she has no savings at all!

It makes me think about her future and what that will look like....if in the worst case scenario she doesn't get a much better paying job in the near future, and doesn't marry someone to help offset this financial disaster - what's going to happen? What happens to low income, older people that can't afford to make ends meet? What resources are available?

[Anonymous]

You pretty much described half of America. Welcome to the real world, honey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You pretty much described half of America. Welcome to the real world, honey.

Sadly this is true.

Does she get any support from her ex? Is he paying? If not, she should look into garnishing his wages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You pretty much described half of America. Welcome to the real world, honey.

PP, what a kind, helpful comment. I bet you have many friends.

OP, I suppose government assistance will come into play, and probably more family assistance as well. Are you in a position to help her at all? She will probably need to move to a low-cost area if she isn't already in one. Maybe two jobs. I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

If they were married at least 10 years, she most likely qualifies to receive SS benefits (at time of retirement) based on his recorded earnings. There are some variables. You can read about it here: http://www.ssa.gov/retire2/yourdivspouse.htm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My little sister is recently divorced with 3 kids, she's 46 years old. Though she didn't work while she was married she has since gotten a low paying job at a retail store (she has a college degree). Currently she's not making ends meet with her rent, daycare, etc. My elderly parents are currently subsidizing a little to help her out during this post-divorce time. While I'm very hopeful that eventually she will get a better paying job and remarry, I'm concerned about her future since she has no savings at all!

It makes me think about her future and what that will look like....if in the worst case scenario she doesn't get a much better paying job in the near future, and doesn't marry someone to help offset this financial disaster - what's going to happen? What happens to low income, older people that can't afford to make ends meet? What resources are available?

And this, more than anything else, is why I advise women to stay in the workforce after having kids. I'm an optimist by nature, and my natural tendency is to assume marriages will last. I certainly expect mine to last--18 years and still going strong.
But...
the long term negative impact to your financial well-being if you do divorce without some kind of financial cushion are brutal.

I honestly look at being a WOHM as, along with other benefits, a type of insurance. You don't buy life insurance because you expect to die, you buy it because the impact if you don't is devastating.
You don't make sure you stay gainfully employed because you think you are going to get a divorce, but...

[Anonymous]

OP. You mention she has a college degree but the sad reality is so do most of the Starbucks baristas. A college degree, especially one earned 24 years ago, isn't the ticket to a high paying job it was a few decades ago. I am interviewing someone with a master's degree today for a position that consists primarily of scheduling meetings. It is basically a helper for our admin staff. It is tough out there.

Your sister either needs to go back to school. Work her way up or luck into a better job.

She also needs to stop getting money from your parents (unless they have tons to spare) and start taking advantage of the social programs out there. And of course most importantly she needs to get money from her ex.

As for remarrying your sister has hopefully learned from her current situation that she should not put all her eggs in any man's basket. She needs to be financially stable on her own. I am sure you didn't mean it that way, but your sister should not be looking to marry "to help offset financial disaster".

Good luck to your sister. Perhaps you can research social programs for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. You mention she has a college degree but the sad reality is so do most of the Starbucks baristas. A college degree, especially one earned 24 years ago, isn't the ticket to a high paying job it was a few decades ago. I am interviewing someone with a master's degree today for a position that consists primarily of scheduling meetings. It is basically a helper for our admin staff. It is tough out there.

Your sister either needs to go back to school. Work her way up or luck into a better job.

She also needs to stop getting money from your parents (unless they have tons to spare) and start taking advantage of the social programs out there. And of course most importantly she needs to get money from her ex.

As for remarrying your sister has hopefully learned from her current situation that she should not put all her eggs in any man's basket. She needs to be financially stable on her own. I am sure you didn't mean it that way, but your sister should not be looking to marry "to help offset financial disaster".

Good luck to your sister. Perhaps you can research social programs for her.

Also, the local municipality may have resources for consumer credit counseling. I just looked for this for a friend who is struggling financially and behind on his mortgage. He has been trying to negotiate this by himself but hopefully he can get some free advice from someone who knows this area.

[Anonymous]

Sister needs to learn how to hustle.

Seriously though we all have worked to get where we are, she just forgot how hard it is to have a career and get a job. People struggle in their early 20s when they're starting out and unfortunately she's back there.

[Anonymous]

My parents divorced when I was 10. My dad refused to pay any child support. My mom moved me and my two brothers to a cheap apartment, and she worked three jobs. My older brother watched us during the summer and evenings. We never saw her. Eventually through one of her jobs she met a decent man and they got married. She then quit two of her jobs and just focused on one. They were married for 30 years. It isn't hopeless, but she will have to work hard and her children may suffer a bit.

[Anonymous]

First off, she's not little. She may be younger than you but she's not a child so she needs to start thinking and acting like an adult and get her life together. She just joined the real world. Not to say SAHM aren't part of the real world, just saying the true world of working for a living and getting paid because one has to.

The notion of coming out of a bad marriage only to get into another one for financial benefits is at her age is a pipe dream at best. Although not impossible, it is the last thing she needs right now.

If your parents want to help her it's not your business. If you want to help her, start with the kids if you live nearby. If not and you can afford it, help her out with money. Show how much you care.

If push comes to shove, take her and the kids in. Crying about it on the internet does not solve anything. Tell her to go apply for food stamps and welfare. Also Daddy O needs his pocket rattled. He brought 3 kids into this world and has to pay for them. He may also be obligated to pay for your sister's schooling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You pretty much described half of America. Welcome to the real world, honey.

PP, what a kind, helpful comment. I bet you have many friends.

I have plenty of friends but thanks for your concern.

My snark was directed at the fact that it took her 40 years (give or take) for OP to understand the reality of the working poor, lower- middle class. Multiple jobs, part-time, lack of health insurance, paycheck-to-paycheck: these are reality for millions of Americans. OP was blissfully unaware of this until her 46 year old sister fell into this demographic.

What do you think life is like for the waiter at Olive Garden or checkout person at Target? Or are you someone who turns your nose up at such trashy establishments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You pretty much described half of America. Welcome to the real world, honey.

PP, what a kind, helpful comment. I bet you have many friends.

I have plenty of friends but thanks for your concern.

My snark was directed at the fact that it took her 40 years (give or take) for OP to understand the reality of the working poor, lower- middle class. Multiple jobs, part-time, lack of health insurance, paycheck-to-paycheck: these are reality for millions of Americans. OP was blissfully unaware of this until her 46 year old sister fell into this demographic.

What do you think life is like for the waiter at Olive Garden or checkout person at Target? Or are you someone who turns your nose up at such trashy establishments?

Yup. These are exactly the people that get demonized on other threads as "not working hard enough" or "why should I help them when I work so haaaarrrd." And now OPs sister falls into that group and she's perplexed what will happen? Welfare, SS, and subsidized housing. And let's hope she doesn't want to live near DC, since all the NIMBYs don't want affordable housing, either.

[Anonymous]

Why isn't your sister pursuing child support? The children are entitled to it. I hope pride is not standing in her way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't your sister pursuing child support? The children are entitled to it. I hope pride is not standing in her way?

This. Child support and alimony from ex. The alimony only lasts a few yrs and is usually for education and training so that the spouse is able to support themselves.