Need Advice on Child Not Doing Well in ACT Prep

[Anonymous]

Have a HS junior, only child. She struggled early in HS but junior year all A-, B+, B, B-. I tell her that colleges look for progression so not to worry about freshman year. For the ACT she has been getting around 14-16 even after a review course while her school average is 23.

I tend to be a parent who puts a lot of pressure on myself and feel like a failure because of her score. When she was little, I dreamed of someday visiting colleges with ivy covered walls but that apparently is not going to happen. She wants to attend a community college for a year, get her grades up, and then go to a four year school. Maybe this is more about me than her, but I am beating myself over the head with this - what did I do wrong? was I a bad parent? was I not strict enough, etc.? I also worry that because of this score she will not do well later in life and be road kill in the global economy.

Any suggestions on what I can/should do to help her?

[Anonymous]

Has she tried SAT? What problems is she having with ACT?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has she tried SAT? What problems is she having with ACT?

We are only doing the ACT (not in DC area). Part of it is test anxiety. If she is challenged, she gives up instead of calmly approaching the problem. I have also told her not to get hung up on one question, do the things you know and then go back to the questions that are not understood. I was hoping that a review course would help but her score actually went down a point.

[Anonymous]

ACT is a fast moving test - no "trick" questions per se but you need to be quick moving thru the problems. I am wondering if she spends too much time when she gets "stuck" with a problem she doesn't know. Colleges don't care whether SAT or ACT, since she is only a junior, I'd give SAT a shot??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ACT is a fast moving test - no "trick" questions per se but you need to be quick moving thru the problems. I am wondering if she spends too much time when she gets "stuck" with a problem she doesn't know. Colleges don't care whether SAT or ACT, since she is only a junior, I'd give SAT a shot??

Thank you. I have taken the alphabet soup of standardized tests - SAT, GMAT, CPA, GRE, and getting stuck on a question is a big issue on all of them. Have emphasized to her not to do this. I will ask her counselor if the SAT should be tried. Only issue is we live in a state where the ACT is mandatory and she has had no practice with the SAT.

[Anonymous]

It's not Ivy or nothing. There is a whole lot of in between there.

She will, if she hasn't already, picked up on your disappointment in her. So tread lightly.

Nothing at all wrong with going to community college for two years. Around here if you do well those first two years, it's guaranteed acceptance at public colleges. Not sure about where you live, but it's worth looking into.

[Anonymous]

Also, keep in mind there are a lot of test optional colleges nowdays so that maybe an option for her too. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not Ivy or nothing. There is a whole lot of in between there.

She will, if she hasn't already, picked up on your disappointment in her. So tread lightly.

Nothing at all wrong with going to community college for two years. Around here if you do well those first two years, it's guaranteed acceptance at public colleges. Not sure about where you live, but it's worth looking into.

The problem is that this isn't even a case of Ivy or nothing. They will need to look HARD for a school that would even consider a score in the 14-16 range. That is between the 8th and 19th percentile.

Perhaps your daughter is better suited to a skilled trade, OP. There is nothing wrong with that. My plumber brother pulls close to six figures in a given year, and likes his job. He loves to work with his hands. That's what he's good at. Not everyone will succeed in an academic setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not Ivy or nothing. There is a whole lot of in between there.

She will, if she hasn't already, picked up on your disappointment in her. So tread lightly.

Nothing at all wrong with going to community college for two years. Around here if you do well those first two years, it's guaranteed acceptance at public colleges. Not sure about where you live, but it's worth looking into.

The problem is that this isn't even a case of Ivy or nothing. They will need to look HARD for a school that would even consider a score in the 14-16 range. That is between the 8th and 19th percentile.

Perhaps your daughter is better suited to a skilled trade, OP. There is nothing wrong with that. My plumber brother pulls close to six figures in a given year, and likes his job. He loves to work with his hands. That's what he's good at. Not everyone will succeed in an academic setting.

OP, don't let an ACT score get you or your daughter down. She's got good grades in her classes. Do you think that she can write? Compose research papers? Speak on a topic intelligently? Tackle mathematics or other numeracy problems in real life? Does she have interests in science, history, the arts, etc.? Do you think her teachers could write a letter of recommendation that says, "ABC told me what her ACT scores is, and quite frankly, I'm surprised. My observation of her in my ____ class leads me to conclude she is a [insert accolades here]." Something like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, keep in mind there are a lot of test optional colleges nowdays so that maybe an option for her too. Good luck.

+1 her grades are decent, if you leverage any other strengths she should have plenty of options.

[Anonymous]

My question to you is, do you think better ACT prep would help her? My sister used to do LSAT prep--she was a top scorer (eventually she went to Law School herself, but not after running a test prep business for several years). She said she found that sometimes people perform poorly because they don't know the material. In that case, prep is tailored to teach the content they do not know.

In other cases, people do not have efficient test taking strategies. For these people, she tailored prep to help them get their strategies down: the test isn't the time for "creative thinking"--it's time for strategic, efficient approaches to each question, including the essay. She could narrow down response approaches to a handful of general strategies (I can't remember now what they were) and asked her students to practice, practice, practice each one so they became more automatic. She asked students to do a lot of "talk aloud" with her, so that they would articulate the thought process that went into each response they gave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not Ivy or nothing. There is a whole lot of in between there.

She will, if she hasn't already, picked up on your disappointment in her. So tread lightly.

Nothing at all wrong with going to community college for two years. Around here if you do well those first two years, it's guaranteed acceptance at public colleges. Not sure about where you live, but it's worth looking into.

The problem is that this isn't even a case of Ivy or nothing. They will need to look HARD for a school that would even consider a score in the 14-16 range. That is between the 8th and 19th percentile.

Perhaps your daughter is better suited to a skilled trade, OP. There is nothing wrong with that. My plumber brother pulls close to six figures in a given year, and likes his job. He loves to work with his hands. That's what he's good at. Not everyone will succeed in an academic setting.

She can go to community college. Some kids just need more time to mature into doing well in school. Including taking standardized tests. My brother failed a class a year in high school. Made several unsuccessful attempts at community college. Then started doing well, transferred to a four year school, and ended up graduating with honors. OP shouldn't give up on her daughter's opportunities.

[Anonymous]

OP again. The thing is, she goes to an achieving HS, I have two degrees and working on a third, she is doing well in school but says she isn't a school person. Under pressure, she just shuts down. My wife commends her scores, which I think is nuts, and I feel that somewhere along the line I failed, especially when my daughter says she is not a "school person". It's as if she has given up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. The thing is, she goes to an achieving HS, I have two degrees and working on a third, she is doing well in school but says she isn't a school person. Under pressure, she just shuts down. My wife commends her scores, which I think is nuts, and I feel that somewhere along the line I failed, especially when my daughter says she is not a "school person". It's as if she has given up.

She might be giving up because she knows she will never succeed well enough to please you. Or be you. I've seen it many many times. Both from the child's perspective and from the parent's. This is a super high-achieving area, so this dynamic is common.

As far as your feeling like a failure, I think some therapy may help. That's a standard suggestion on here, but it would be helpful for you to see this really isn't about you. She's old enough to be her own human being and not a reflection of you. If she is kind, and happy, and secure in herself, she is a successful person. A person's inherent value should not be primarily measured by academic achievement. It is just one aspect of who they are. And honestly shouldn't be the most important one. I know how you feel, I really do empathize. I have a JD and for all my life I've felt my role was to be the nerdy school geek. So education and academic achievement are important to me. But they are not the be-all end-all. Allowing a person to pursue their most authentic life is. What are her passions? Her hobbies? Her vision of herself over the next 5 years? The next 10? I have a friend who hated school, too. But she graduated from community college and ended up starting her own pet store business. She loves dogs and now gets to take her two dogs to work everyday. And gets to talk about dog stuff all day, every day. She's in heaven. And making a good living. Is she Donald Trump? No. Is she a veterinarian? No. But she's successful, and happy. A win win for everyone.

I would love for my son to be a geek like me. But it likely isn't going to happen. He's still very bright, but expresses it differently. I had visions of requiring a masters degree, because I thought that was the only likely way to financial security. But it's not. I have changed my tune. I now tell him I expect some additional training after high school. That high school alone won't cut it. And that I prefer he get a four year degree and then pursue other interests. But what's most important is to let him take his natural drive and interests and turn that into building a successful adult life for himself. If you let go a bit, you might be pleasantly surprised.

[Anonymous]

In short - THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU! If it was, you would be taking the test, not her. Stop projecting, stop comparing and stop whining. She is her own intellectual person and that has little to do with your parenting. It sounds like she works hard. It sounds like she has the tools to do her best. Please let that be good enough for you (even if deep down you want more) She can only give you what she has. The part about her shutting down under pressure is a red flag that she already feels she is a disappointment to you. Of course you want the best for her, but don't crush her self esteem in the process because she isn't as smart as you.