Need Advice on Child Not Doing Well in ACT Prep

[Anonymous]

You ought to look at test optional schools -- like Bennington, Bard. I'm sure if you go to college confidential you can find a list there.
However, I'd also suggest she at least try the SAT. Our kid had a whopping 490 on the verbal, but then after Stanley Kaplan she scored in the mid-600's. It was the constant repetitive taking of the test along with the test taking skills they taught, it got her over the debilitating test anxiety. She did much better in college admissions than we expected. She did Kaplan her junior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You ought to look at test optional schools -- like Bennington, Bard. I'm sure if you go to college confidential you can find a list there.
However, I'd also suggest she at least try the SAT. Our kid had a whopping 490 on the verbal, but then after Stanley Kaplan she scored in the mid-600's. It was the constant repetitive taking of the test along with the test taking skills they taught, it got her over the debilitating test anxiety. She did much better in college admissions than we expected. She did Kaplan her junior year.

+1 Don't let her give up so fast. Get her help to overcome her test anxiety. Although she is sure she wants community college now, she will most likely be devastated when all of her friends/classmates leave for college. This was what happened to my niece who was so sure she wanted to take a year off after high school.

[Anonymous]

I can't think what state would make the ACT the only test accepted. Something is not working... try a different tutor/ Prep course and a different test.

[Anonymous]

I would get her a neuropsych evaluation ASAP. She may have a learning disability or slow processing. If she does, she can qualify for extended time on standardized tests. I would also have her take a practice SAT somewhere and see how she does. There are many test optional schools out there. There is a service I heard of for kids with learning challenges called CCC that helps families find colleges that are a good fit: http://www.collegeld.com/ The service is not cheap but can make the difference between going to college and not. Also I second community college as a good option. Make sure you tap into the learning support services there as I suspect your DD may have some issues that impede her success. In any case, psychoeducational eval will determine if she needs some additional support. Community college with a B average is often a direct path to various colleges (not just state)--you can look up your local CC and see where it feeds. That's a great way to go. Your daughter needs support.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with not being a school person. Does she want to go to college? Does she see a reason for it? What are her hopes and dreams for the future?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong with not being a school person. Does she want to go to college? Does she see a reason for it? What are her hopes and dreams for the future?

I agree- college may not be her best path.

That being said, the anxiety regarding the ACT is likely dropping her score. A big part of getting a good score is learning how to take the test too. Its not really a measure of intelligence but more of a gauge at how well you can study and learn how to take this specific test.

[Anonymous]

OP and want to thank everyone for their comments. Yes, I do not want her to feel that I am disappointed. To answer some other questions:

- a number of kids in her HS start at community college and then transfer to state schools. Part of it is financial and the other element is for kids who were late starters. etc. I do not think she is going to be devastated that one friend or another goes away to school.

- in terms of processing information, she went to a parochial elementary school (big point of contention with my wife as I wanted public for her) and utilized test support, where she was allowed to spend more time on exams.

- her dreams change almost weekly. What she has thought about is being a social worker because she has a lot of empathy towards people's problems. I could never see her working in a law or accounting firm.

-- as others put it, she is not me and I need to calm down on that part. My sister could learn a language in three weeks, aced and pre-med. I could never do what she did and she would hate doing what I do all day. It's just that with the economy turning us into two-class country, I worry about her regretting not taking school seriously enough at the beginning of HS and seeing the repercussions. Her grades are good now but she does talk about how she should have done better early on.

Final thought - my wife does not come from a family that stresses college and I am concerned daughter gets some of her views from them so there is a lot going on in my head about this.

[Anonymous]

Surely, Op you had an idea that she wasn't Ivy material before now. You are being overly dramatic and are projecting that you are very out of touch w/your daughter.

Now, her ACT score is very low. Oddly low. I would remove yourself from the college admissions process 'cause I'm guessing something about the mother-daughter dynamic is making this harder. Hire a third party - a college coach. Since you mentioned "Ivy", you've got the money (or enough)

There will be plenty of colleges for your daughter. But I think she'll have better results with you out of the equation.

[Anonymous]

^ sorry Op, I see now that you are the Father. Get a sophisticated third party woman college counselor to help with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:her dreams change almost weekly. What she has thought about is being a social worker because she has a lot of empathy towards people's problems. I could never see her working in a law or accounting firm.

It sounds like you've got a good approach and perspective on things. While my kids are a bit more focused on what they want to do, I completely understand her weekly changing dreams and aspirations. I think that's totally normal.

And if your kid is anything like mine, you don't know shit about anything and your words of wisdom will be largely ignored on some days. That being said- social work would be a poor career path (pun intended). If she likes helping people, nursing would be a much better career in terms of salary and job security. Just my $.02.

My son is a junior and I've helped set up some interviews with professionals in the fields that interest him. I highly recommend seeing if your daughter would be interested and try to set up a couple one-on-ones where she can go thru a list of questions. That way the social workers (for example) can give advice and she won't have to listen to you since, you know, you don't have any idea what you're talking about...

[Anonymous]

Nursing is hard, test-oriented, not particularly nurturing anymore, and very demanding and stressful as a job. My sister was pushed in this direction with a similar profile and she failed out and it was so not right for her. Social work is a great profession. Don't worry about pay! I recommended CCC above. Now that I hear your daughter had extended time in school, which means she has had an ongoing issue with testing and academics, I recommend that or something similar even more strongly. It seems to me her learning challenges have been completely neglected and that is why she is discouraged. It's not too late to get a good evaluation and get set up. Many colleges now offer support services including extended time, writing center support, tutoring, etc., and it would be good to help your daughter get set up for this. The fact that she is getting improved grades shows she is able to work hard despite some potential challenges or anxiety. You the parents need to step up. JMHO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not Ivy or nothing. There is a whole lot of in between there.

She will, if she hasn't already, picked up on your disappointment in her. So tread lightly.

Nothing at all wrong with going to community college for two years. Around here if you do well those first two years, it's guaranteed acceptance at public colleges. Not sure about where you live, but it's worth looking into.

I say this with love OP but you really need a little tough love and a kick in the ass if a kid acting responsible about spending for college and planning for best success in higher education is a "failure".

Wake up. Your kid sounds responsible and bright in many ways that some others might not be even if they are the "right" kind of smart in your mind!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nursing is hard, test-oriented, not particularly nurturing anymore, and very demanding and stressful as a job. My sister was pushed in this direction with a similar profile and she failed out and it was so not right for her. Social work is a great profession. Don't worry about pay! I recommended CCC above. Now that I hear your daughter had extended time in school, which means she has had an ongoing issue with testing and academics, I recommend that or something similar even more strongly. It seems to me her learning challenges have been completely neglected and that is why she is discouraged. It's not too late to get a good evaluation and get set up. Many colleges now offer support services including extended time, writing center support, tutoring, etc., and it would be good to help your daughter get set up for this. The fact that she is getting improved grades shows she is able to work hard despite some potential challenges or anxiety. You the parents need to step up. JMHO.

Op here: she had help throughout elementary and middle school. Also, a math tutor in HS. Maybe I just don't know what to do to help, but when she sets her mind to something, she does get the work done. Should we take her to a psychologist? I want her to do well in life but don't know anyone who has encountered the same issues and successful conquered them. Sometimes I feel like my daughter wants to not do well. Even when she was in the third grade, I would help her with homework and she would screw around so something that should take 30 minutes would take two hours.

[Anonymous]

Yes OP. Do you live in the DC area? There are many places you can set up a psychoeducational evaluation. They will test for learning disabilities, attentional issues, processing speed issues, etc. Many of the most successful people in business, science, the arts, etc., have been successful despite similar challenges and often because of the gifts that often come associated with such challenges. She may feel misunderstood by both of her parents and hence blowing off the traditional school path. An eval will help all of you to understand her and support her. Sounds like an awesome kid! Go on the Special Needs forum on DCUM and ask for recs for places to get evals for older kids. Stixrud comes to mind. Also Blackwell and Weinfeld group. YOu need to invest some money now to give your DD the foundation she deserves. Even if she ends up going to community college, she should get support to tap into supports offered there to be the best that she can be. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

But as a HS junior, am I too late with an evaluation? She can't go back and restart HS. Or is it really a case of looking at CC as a chance to get her the help she needs so she can move forward? I hear horror stories about CC graduation rates so it does concern me.