Reply to Need Advice on Child Not Doing Well in ACT Prep

Forum Index » Elementary School-Aged Kids

Reply to "Need Advice on Child Not Doing Well in ACT Prep"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again.  The thing is, she goes to an achieving HS, I have two degrees and working on a third, she is doing well in school but says she isn't a school person.  Under pressure, she just shuts down.  My wife commends her scores, which I think is nuts, and I feel that somewhere along the line I failed, especially when my daughter says she is not a "school person".  It's as if she has given up.[/quote]

She might be giving up because she knows she will never succeed well enough to please you. Or be you. I've seen it many many times.  Both from the child's perspective and from the parent's. This is a super high-achieving area, so this dynamic is common.

As far as your feeling like a failure, I think some therapy may help. That's a standard suggestion on here, but it would be helpful for you to see this really isn't about you. She's old enough to be her own human being and not a reflection of you.  If she is kind, and happy, and secure in herself, she is a successful person.  A person's inherent value should not be primarily measured by academic achievement.  It is just one aspect of who they are.  And honestly shouldn't be the most important one. I know how you feel, I really do empathize.  I have a JD and for all my life I've felt my role was to be the nerdy school geek.  So education and academic achievement are important to me.  But they are not the be-all end-all.  Allowing a person to pursue their most authentic life is.  What are her passions? Her hobbies? Her vision of herself over the next 5 years? The next 10?  I have a friend who hated school, too. But she graduated from community college and ended up starting her own pet store business.  She loves dogs and now gets to take her two dogs to work everyday. And gets to talk about dog stuff all day, every day. She's in heaven. And making a good living. Is she Donald Trump? No. Is she a veterinarian? No.  But she's successful, and happy. A win win for everyone.

I would love for my son to be a geek like me. But it likely isn't going to happen. He's still very bright, but expresses it differently. I had visions of requiring a masters degree, because I thought that was the only likely way to financial security. But it's not. I have changed my tune. I now tell him I expect some additional training after high school. That high school alone won't cut it. And that I prefer he get a four year degree and then pursue other interests. But what's most important is to let him take his natural drive and interests and turn that into building a successful adult life for himself.  If you let go a bit, you might be pleasantly surprised. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics