What to Say After Tonight's Defeat that Concludes a Bad Season (5th Gr Boy Rec Basketball)

[Anonymous]

DS's team really under performed this season and tonight unless lightning strikes they will end it with the 6th loss in a row. He was really frustrated after the last game (5th straight loss) and criticized himself unfairly for not playing a good game. Obviously he stopped listening to my usual 'it's about playing hard and having fun' spiel couple weeks ago, but I still just want to say a few words after tonight to give him comfort or show my support or whatever. Mostly because he still says he's going to continue to work hard and practice and get better after the season, but at the same time has developed a bit negative attitude towards this team that he's been on for the last three years.

Please suggest some things to say to him, not necessarily right after the game but perhaps later tonight before he goes to bed.

[Anonymous]

say nothing after the game, win or lose, just ay I enjoyed watching you play.

or want a life saver?

[Anonymous]

I loved watching you this year.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you're upset. It's frustrating when the team can't do what you want.

[Anonymous]

Sprinkles are for winners.

[Anonymous]

You're proud of how hard he worked and seasons like this will make him appreciate those years when you're on a team that wins more. If he's been on a team (in any sport) that won a lot, remind him of that season and how there were plenty of other teams that didn't do as well.

But honestly, in the 5th grade the emphasis shouldn't be on winning and losing. At least not from the parents and coaches...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're proud of how hard he worked and seasons like this will make him appreciate those years when you're on a team that wins more. If he's been on a team (in any sport) that won a lot, remind him of that season and how there were plenty of other teams that didn't do as well.

But honestly, in the 5th grade the emphasis shouldn't be on winning and losing. At least not from the parents and coaches...

It's ALWAYS about winning. I have very competitive boys. No matter how much their travel coaches or their parents tell them 'winning' doesn't matter---IT MATTERS TO THEM.

Who wants to lose? It sucks.

I always use the 'doesn't matter', everyone loses, if you do your best and prepare ahead of time (rest, sleep, practice hard, etc) it's out of your control. Teaching how to lose without falling apart has been one of the most important lessons in my house. But--yea- it's important to remind them everyone from Messi to Michael Jordan to Tom Brady has lost games. What you get out of it is the most important...

[Anonymous]

Basketball is a sport where a few dominant players can make the difference. If you are not one of the top players at your age (e.g., the 5 foot 5th grader), you will sometimes be on bad teams. It happens.

[Anonymous]

Winning is important, but how you play the game and how you interact with your teammates is more important. Just remember that unless you go on to be a professional sports star, whether you win or lose each season or each game will not matter when you are in college or beyond, but how you interact with people, whether you are a leader and an example to your team, whether you support your teammates and make them stronger because they know you have their back whatever happens, these are the skills which will serve you well no matter what you do in life, whether you become a pro baller or whether you become a different type of team player.

So, I'm proud of your competitive spirit and that you fought to the end. I'm proud that you want to work hard in the off-season to improve your sports skills. But also work hard in the off-season to build your team leadership and team player skills. You may find that just being a leader and a supporter of your teammates that you can make them play better.

It helps if you can find stars in his sport that exhibit these skills. Players who not only excel in their own skills, but excel in bonding their team together and improving teamwork and comraderie. There are many good examples of such players.

[Anonymous]

Don't say anything about the team mates.

How about "tough luck"?

[Anonymous]

Even if you didn't win much, I could tell you played hard, learned a lot and had fun.

[Anonymous]

Let's go out for ice cream!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I loved watching you this year.

Made me think of a blog entry that made the rounds. Key point:

“… College athletes were asked what their parents said that made them feel great, that amplified their joy during and after a ballgame. Their overwhelming response: ‘I love to watch you play.’”


http://www.handsfreemama.com/2012/04/16/six-words-you-should-say-today/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Winning is important, but how you play the game and how you interact with your teammates is more important. Just remember that unless you go on to be a professional sports star, whether you win or lose each season or each game will not matter when you are in college or beyond, but how you interact with people, whether you are a leader and an example to your team, whether you support your teammates and make them stronger because they know you have their back whatever happens, these are the skills which will serve you well no matter what you do in life, whether you become a pro baller or whether you become a different type of team player.

So, I'm proud of your competitive spirit and that you fought to the end. I'm proud that you want to work hard in the off-season to improve your sports skills. But also work hard in the off-season to build your team leadership and team player skills. You may find that just being a leader and a supporter of your teammates that you can make them play better.

so beautiful!

[Anonymous]

This was my 9 yr old son's soccer team this fall. They weren't bad but they weren't very aggressive so they lost every game (I think they tied one). My son was bummed and down but se la vie. He will get over it. I think it's better to not go overboard with your comments. I didn't say anything after most of the losses and tried to stay upbeat about playing. Nobody wants to lose but it is part of life.