Come here if your in laws do weird crap at thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:DH just told MIL for the third time that no, we won’t be putting food on the table and passing. We’ll be serving it buffet-style from the island. She’s fighting her on this and he finally said, “No one wants to pass and pass and monitor what each other is or is not eating. We all just want to make a plate and eat.” Which has always been MY argument for hating family-style service.

(Nelson voice Ha ha!

We moved to buffet style, too. And as a result my mom can no longer plate monitor and drive everyone crazy pointing out what they had yet to touch. “Jim, there’s sweet potatoes. Do you like sweet potatoes? Would you like to try the sweet potatoes?”

omg this is my mother in law. maddening. "Marla, Larla (age 16) can see all the options available, she's allowed to pick and choose what she wants to eat. Please leave her alone."

+1. Why are some people like this? We had to get really firm and harsh with my MIL before she finally backed off! And her daughter (my SIL) previously had an eating disorder so you think she’d have learned!!!

Totally agree that buffet style is so much better and stress free. Much less comments about how little I am eating, and less harassment about eating seconds of every dish on the table. I don’t have to say “no thank you” throughout my entire meal and can eat in relative peace.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe we could t find out what was in the box.

10k winner, you rock. Check back next year and let us know how it goes! 10 minutes is huge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Elderly MIL cooked a large meal (3 meats, a ton of sides, and 4 deserts) for 7 people (my strange SIL didn’t eat so there 6 people). Barely anything was done when we got there so I did the Mac & Cheese. She was still working on the other sides. I watched her do the stuffing and she put water, broth, salt and sugar in it so it came out soggy. Everything except the Mac & Cheese tasted terrible. The deserts were store bought and even they didn’t taste good. We all had diarrhea the next day.

I want to tell her that she doesn’t have to do Thanksgiving anymore but she insists just to prove she can do it. I want to go out next year. I know it’s petty but I had to tell someone.

Sounds like the SIL saw this coming. Sorry about the diarrhea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sober. Very quiet about it, but I did openly have an alcohol abuse problem and worked very hard (and continue to) address it, years ago.

My in-laws drink. A lot. I don't care, but when evenings get rowdy, I tend to hang back with my kids and nieces and nephews, watching movies or just hanging out while the adults socialize in a different area.

My FIL is constantly asking where I am. Like every ten minutes he's asking my wife where did Larlo go? Is he okay? Is he drinking? Why isn't he hanging out with the adults? What is he doing in the family room (Narrator: he is watching Bluey with the kids -- I highly recommend the night time sleep episode). It's endless.

And they also openly judge people for drinking too much (does Billy have a problem? How many whiskeys did he have?) -- despite there being an abundance of booze that all of the people are drinking and even my MIL didn't remember making phone calls right before we ate at Thanksgiving. It's like the batman meme of substance abuse.

Again, I don't care but it's very eye opening being sober in a room of adults who are very...impaired and judgmental about it.

Dang. That sucks. I am also sober after pretty openly having an issue. I thought I'd have sort of the same experience with my ILs, especially my FIL, who was my wine buddy. I've been pleasantly surprised that they haven't made an issue of it.

Good on you for being sober. I'm also pretty quiet about it. I don't feel like I need or want a community, but sometimes it's a little lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Elderly MIL cooked a large meal (3 meats, a ton of sides, and 4 deserts) for 7 people (my strange SIL didn’t eat so there 6 people). Barely anything was done when we got there so I did the Mac & Cheese. She was still working on the other sides. I watched her do the stuffing and she put water, broth, salt and sugar in it so it came out soggy. Everything except the Mac & Cheese tasted terrible. The deserts were store bought and even they didn’t taste good. We all had diarrhea the next day.

I want to tell her that she doesn’t have to do Thanksgiving anymore but she insists just to prove she can do it. I want to go out next year. I know it’s petty but I had to tell someone.

Clue: a daughter who won’t eat her elderly mother’s food is not “strange,” she’s smart. Clue: watching MIL do weird stuff to food like put sugar in stuffing = MAYBE DON’T EAT IT. Your SIL is not the “strange” one in this scenario, dummy.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My DiL insists on bringing inedible vegan dishes so that she and her children will have options she approves of. The children are clearly miserable being limited to this crap when there is so much other actually tasty food on the table.

Wow, so your DIL hog-ties your son, gags him, and doesn’t allow him to participate in parenting?! Oh no!

(Oh wait, or does the son you raised go along with this? If so, why on Earth are you only blaming DIL?) Uh oh, your sexism is showing, MIL.

So you are defending the DIL and blaming me. Big surprise! Try to be less predictable.

Also, this thread is about weird crap the inlaws do, not weird crap your own family does.

So the son you raised is either a good, involved parent or he is not. Which is it, hmm?

[Anonymous]

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My Father-in-law is nice in many ways. But also monologues about his preferred three-four topics. Doesn’t ask other people questions much. Stands too close and stares too much.
Asks his wife to ask for or say things for him and or asks her if it’s okay if he does X,Y,Z. And no background music. Alas.

ASD!

Is that like autism?

Same thought.

Original poster of above — my high school daughter just asked the same thing.

I just looked this up and could be the case that he’s on the spectrum. He is successful in his field, thoughtful but does some of this “weird crap.” It also helps explain a sometimes strained relationships between my FIL and his three children (my DH included). Makes me better understand him and appreciate my MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL has been here since Tuesday. Tuesday night, we got a Costco rotisserie chicken for dinner. I put it out on a serving platter on the counter, as I was going to divide it out, but just as I was doing that, my daughter started crying in the other room so I went to see what was wrong (she stubbed her toe).

I come back to the kitchen to finish up what I was doing and I caught MIL ripping apart the rotisserie chicken with her bare hands, like a gd caveman.

I couldn't believe what I saw. This was dinner for four of us (DD, MIL, Me and DH) and she's in there tearing it up with her dirty hands.

I was so disgusted - I told her that chicken is hers now. Luckily we live in a condo next to a full service grocery store and I went to get another chicken.

Why did you serve chicken two days before Thanksgiving turkey?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL has been here since Tuesday. Tuesday night, we got a Costco rotisserie chicken for dinner. I put it out on a serving platter on the counter, as I was going to divide it out, but just as I was doing that, my daughter started crying in the other room so I went to see what was wrong (she stubbed her toe).

I come back to the kitchen to finish up what I was doing and I caught MIL ripping apart the rotisserie chicken with her bare hands, like a gd caveman.

I couldn't believe what I saw. This was dinner for four of us (DD, MIL, Me and DH) and she's in there tearing it up with her dirty hands.

I was so disgusted - I told her that chicken is hers now. Luckily we live in a condo next to a full service grocery store and I went to get another chicken.

Why did you serve chicken two days before Thanksgiving turkey?

Because she doesn’t regularly cook or prepare food and didn’t want to that night either, as evidenced by the fact that she thinks no one is supposed to ever touch a roasted chicken, even with clean hands.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:MIL has been here since Tuesday. Tuesday night, we got a Costco rotisserie chicken for dinner. I put it out on a serving platter on the counter, as I was going to divide it out, but just as I was doing that, my daughter started crying in the other room so I went to see what was wrong (she stubbed her toe).

I come back to the kitchen to finish up what I was doing and I caught MIL ripping apart the rotisserie chicken with her bare hands, like a gd caveman.

I couldn't believe what I saw. This was dinner for four of us (DD, MIL, Me and DH) and she's in there tearing it up with her dirty hands.

I was so disgusted - I told her that chicken is hers now. Luckily we live in a condo next to a full service grocery store and I went to get another chicken.

How do you know she didn’t wash her hands first? Even with a knife, it’s hard to get all the meat off without touching it at all. You seem kinda psycho. Also rotisserie chicken is way too similar to turkey, two days apart.

Using her hands to separate meat for a communal meal is disgusting.

DP. It's the only way to get the meat off some bones.

I’m always skeptical that people who post stuff like the original PP cook or go to restaurants. Yes, cooking often involves bare hands!

PP is a pearl clutcher... of course cooking involves hands!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Oh h%ll this is something my MIL would do - but she has weird control issues around food (and other things). How annoying - I empathize!

I'm the poster with the food restrictive mil. This is exactly what she did. She would make a point of letting us all know that she did not eat. She would make a half a sandwich and take a bite or two then put it away and let everyone know that is all she had eaten that day.

My MIL does this too. Endless discussion about her food intake. Pushing around of food at the table, one or two bites eaten. I don't care, but it's kind of fascinating to watch how a whole meal can go by with her taking just 2-3 bites. Sometimes she picks up a forkful of food, waves it around, speaks, then puts it back down for another 5-10 minutes. It's kind of mesmerizing.

When visiting our house it's, "I'll have to skip dinners next week and just do cheese and crackers for dinner after this week of eating!". We are all thin, active and eat normal meals.

It kinda seems like you’re paying a lot of attention to her eating. Why not just ignore? I’m too busy stuffing my face to notice anyone else’s eating habits.

It “kinda seems” like she’s purposely drawing attention to herself by constantly repeating her reports of how little she’s eating, looking for responses and childish validation. Why doesn’t she just not do that?

+1 Why do older women make a contest out of how little they can eat? It can be jarring and obvious if you are exposed to the begavior for the first time.

For my MIL, her low weight and fitting into kid size clothes was one of her greatest acheivements. We all need to acknowledge it at every gathering. We can all move on once someone has exclaimed, "oh you are just so tiny!".

Well, I mean, it's all she has. Being small is her identity, not anything of note she actually achieves in the world.

Oh no! No one is concerned that she is undernourished or sickly or unusually small? Is there dwarfism in the family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

This won’t stop a good plate monitor. “Only a few bites? Pass Larla the sweet potatoes.” And the conversation will continue to be centered around who eats what, even adults. “Try the ____, Uncle Allen. It’s made with <insert long-winded description of ingredients and recipe>.”

[Anonymous]

I give a little bit of grace to UMC boomers who grew up in the very toxic peak of the diet culture. It was way, way worse back in their day. It's hard to shake off that messaging that has been ingrained into their brains for so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL has been here since Tuesday. Tuesday night, we got a Costco rotisserie chicken for dinner. I put it out on a serving platter on the counter, as I was going to divide it out, but just as I was doing that, my daughter started crying in the other room so I went to see what was wrong (she stubbed her toe).

I come back to the kitchen to finish up what I was doing and I caught MIL ripping apart the rotisserie chicken with her bare hands, like a gd caveman.

I couldn't believe what I saw. This was dinner for four of us (DD, MIL, Me and DH) and she's in there tearing it up with her dirty hands.

I was so disgusted - I told her that chicken is hers now. Luckily we live in a condo next to a full service grocery store and I went to get another chicken.

Why did you serve chicken two days before Thanksgiving turkey?

I am so glad I'm not the only one who had this question!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

Yes, this is outdated advice on how to help kids have a healthy relationship with food.