Divorced: Dad wont let teens get vaccinated, but insists on in person school. Divorce

[Anonymous]

Man if that were my ex it would be WW frigging 3.

Me AND My kids would ride him 24/7.


What a raging a-hole. Hope you get a good outcome OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you just provide the parental permission needed and get them vaccinated? I'd do that.

Technically since medical is joint and I am aware of his objection I will be in contempt should I do so. He uses the court system lavishly and already has pressed multiple contempt cases. The last one cost me $10K before he dropped it.

Ugh.. the courts should be kicking him out.

Yep, sounds like he is a vexatious litigant.

[Anonymous]

He weaponizes law enforcement too, calling the police egregiously (like when he showed up on the wrong day, when he showed up and saw a man fixing my garage, or calling wellness checks in on nights where he knows I'm hosting a work dinner at my home, or decided to buy the house (to shame me in front of neighbors)

He was finally told that if he calls in one more he will be cited for wasting the resources of a public official.....but I just had no idea that arrogant deluded men could tie up the legal or LE system with such nonsense. It's shameful.

[Anonymous]

Can your kids' regular pediatrician be the tie-breaker in the joint medical issue? What is the wording in your order?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You take them today to get them vaccinated, as you should have done MONTHS ago. End of story. No way he's taking you to court for that, and if he did, he'd get laughed out and that would cost him.

Why do you think that the court would laugh about me consenting to a medical procedure that my ex has stated he will not approve of, knowing we legally have joint medical decision making?

Because he's putting their health in danger. I would get them the vaccine. If you guys are too chicken, then just don't tell him, since he never wants to vaccinate them. Your teens are old enough to understand their father is crazy and keep that secret, I hope. My kids have a crazy father and they know what not to say.

He refuses consent to vaccinate, you refuse consent to travel.

Look, I'm crying over this whole thing and feeling utterly frustrated and powerless, but if it makes you feel better to call me names, have at it. The beauty of having been in an abusive marriage is that I have experienced much worse.

What if he was off doing the same? What if I took them then he "relents" and takes them? What if he still intends to go on the international travel that he has planned with the kids in October, and relents in September, do I confess then that I already did it? I'm trying to both respect my kids health, and to stay out of court as my ex has proven he will liberally use the courts to "punish" me.

If he is planning to take the kids out of the country in October won't they need to be vaccinated really soon? If they get Pfizer it is three weeks between the two shots then two weeks to be fully vaccinated. Maybe tell him he has to get them vaccinated to leave the country.

[Anonymous]

Both you you sound full of drama. Just take the kids to get vaccinated. What is the big deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You take them today to get them vaccinated, as you should have done MONTHS ago. End of story. No way he's taking you to court for that, and if he did, he'd get laughed out and that would cost him.

14 and 15 year olds want to get vaccinated. You take them. End of story.

Do the kids know he's opposed to it? If they do, discuss it. If they don't, that's probably also worth a discussion.

As far as your ex's reaction, I simply would not engage. Let him take you to court.

[Anonymous]

I really hate to be this person, but honestly OP, and not just OP, but why even have a parenting app with this person? Is it court ordered? Even if it is, I'd have my attorney object to it and ask for all communication to be between the lawyers.

Because I see this stuff and that he keeps calling the police and whatnot and then there's all this effort by the mom to keep the peace and negotiate, etc., etc. Just stop talking to this douchebag. Stop running every band aid by him and live your life.

I am not trying to blame the victim here. I just think women are conditioned to and expected to smooth it all over, make it easy, be perfect. I guarantee the OP's jerk/addict ex literally never thinks about keeping the peace for even one second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really hate to be this person, but honestly OP, and not just OP, but why even have a parenting app with this person? Is it court ordered? Even if it is, I'd have my attorney object to it and ask for all communication to be between the lawyers.

Because I see this stuff and that he keeps calling the police and whatnot and then there's all this effort by the mom to keep the peace and negotiate, etc., etc. Just stop talking to this douchebag. Stop running every band aid by him and live your life.

I am not trying to blame the victim here. I just think women are conditioned to and expected to smooth it all over, make it easy, be perfect. I guarantee the OP's jerk/addict ex literally never thinks about keeping the peace for even one second.

DP here.

PP, your post clearly shows you have no clue what you are talking about. Are you divorced and co-parenting with a personality-disordered person? Do you know how family court works and also how it is used by people like OP's ex? Are you familiar with post-separation abuse and coercive control? My guess is the answer is no to all of those questions.

And the bolded above: ask for all communication to be between the lawyers? Do you have any idea how unbelievably expensive that is? Do you realize how expensive it is to simply have to keep an attorney on retainer for YEARS because you are in a nightmare post-divorce situation with a monster? All communication between lawyers = you need to have $millions$ at your disposal. Also, "just stop talking to the douchebag"? You cannot do that in a co-parenting situation. OP's ex will try to drag her to court claiming "alienation".

PP, just be thankful you have no clue what it is like to be in a nightmare situation like this. Many people don't get it. Unless you are in it.

[Anonymous]

How is he going to take them out of the country in the fall if they are in school??

I would just take them to get vaccinated if you think they can keep quiet about it. This is a life or death issue and I’d be willing to get sued for it

[Anonymous]

Can you drive the kids to a state where they don’t need parental consent? Like take a day trip and let them go into the CVS. Then you are not technically agreeing to get them vaccinated, they are following local laws. Your ex can’t claim you got them vaccinated because there is no evidence you signed a waiver or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Update: PDMC rendered a decision that kids must be vaccinated and exH must take them.

She cited the facts I provided vs his “feelings” and made it an official ruling.

I appreciate the helpful posters so much!! And yes- PP I get your feeling and where your heart was at when you posted “just don’t talk to him”- but it’s not that easy. He is court ordered to have no contact with me outside of civil communicator, but with three kids in sports and traveling and school etc there are just issues you can’t refuse to talk about without facing repercussions. It’s all crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update: PDMC rendered a decision that kids must be vaccinated and exH must take them.

She cited the facts I provided vs his “feelings” and made it an official ruling.

I appreciate the helpful posters so much!! And yes- PP I get your feeling and where your heart was at when you posted “just don’t talk to him”- but it’s not that easy. He is court ordered to have no contact with me outside of civil communicator, but with three kids in sports and traveling and school etc there are just issues you can’t refuse to talk about without facing repercussions. It’s all crap.

OP, I haven’t weighed in on this thread because I didn’t have any advice to offer but I’m SO glad you and your kids got this resolution. It sounds like you’re in a really rough situation; I hope the next few years pass quickly for you! <3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:



If he is planning to take the kids out of the country in October won't they need to be vaccinated really soon? If they get Pfizer it is three weeks between the two shots then two weeks to be fully vaccinated. Maybe tell him he has to get them vaccinated to leave the country.

Not all countries require the vaccine; many only require a negative test.

New poster. I'm glad to see someone (first PP above) noticed the comment OP made about the DH taking them out of the country. No no no no.

OP, see if the State Dept. has "do not travel" restrictions on the country he plans to visit with the kids; you'd be surprised. Right now Americans are formally discouraged by State to travel to the UK, for instance.

Most of all if he plans to travel in October, plus school is starting most places VERY soon-- I would really get your attorney involved first thing Monday and see if you can get an emergency order of some sort. I would ask the attorney if the kids' clear statements they wish to be vaccinated could be used to get an emergency order if school is X days away. Also use the idea of internaitonal travel as leverage here. You'd need a sympathetic judge though. Talk to an attorney ASAP.

Your ex is actually endangering your kids' lives and by extension your life too. Though you're vaccinated, breakthrough infections are a real thing, and if one of your kids were unvaccinated and got sick with Delta, the viral load on you as a caregiver could still be enough for breakthrough infection to you. Not to mention that young adults and teens now are becoming very sick, much sicker than with the original variant, due to Delta. Look at how Florida's young adults and older teens are the ones ending up in hospitals. this won't matter to your horror of an ex but might be an argument a lawyer could craft for a judge.

I would say get them vaxxed behind his back and the hell with him but it sounds as if he would make it litigious and frankly he sounds like the type to try to wrest away custody or otherwise punish you and them badly if you get sneak vaccines. But that's why I'd see if you can get an emergency order of some sort.

The international travel is an insane choice right now vaxxed or not. All our family is in Europe and we're vaxxed and still not traveling at ALL. Other countries are doing worse than we are at vaccinations and getting people to mask and distance as needed. Can you in any way prevent this trip?

I really wish I could magically rearrange things so your DH had zero say in medical or any other decisions. I hate him on your and your kids' behalf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update: PDMC rendered a decision that kids must be vaccinated and exH must take them.

She cited the facts I provided vs his “feelings” and made it an official ruling.

I appreciate the helpful posters so much!! And yes- PP I get your feeling and where your heart was at when you posted “just don’t talk to him”- but it’s not that easy. He is court ordered to have no contact with me outside of civil communicator, but with three kids in sports and traveling and school etc there are just issues you can’t refuse to talk about without facing repercussions. It’s all crap.

DP who posted above about hating him on your behalf...sorry my thread didn't load completely so I didn't see this update. I'm so glad you got a decision, OP! The one worry is that the order says your ex must be the one to take them for the vaccinations. Do you trust that he will do so? MIght he take them for one shot but then "accidentally forget" to get the second shot, which is truly vital to being protected? I'm pleased there was a correct ruling but concerned that HE has to fulfill it. That seems to place an unspoken burden on the kids, too -- if they push dad to take them, is he going to be angry with them? Will they be willing to advocate for themselves to the point it might anger or upset him?

Yeah, i'm still hating on him over here. Such disregard for his own children's lives.