Coworkers with kids at home while WFH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say nothing unless it was impacting my ability to do my work.

If it was, then I would stick to the relevant work details - "Jane hasn't gotten me x, so I'm not going to be able to get y done by the deadline - how would you like me to proceed?" I would not opine on why Jane hadn't gotten me x.

+1

If it's not affecting you, then let it go. If it is, focus on how it's affecting you. No one likes a snitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but also dealing with this. One of my direct reports is not getting ANY of their work done - taking weeks to respond to e-mails, following up with "oh I'll do this today" and never doing the requested action. I'm in middle management and my bosses expect results, and it is really frustrating. I'm not 100% sure they don't have childcare, but many times in the middle of the work day they've said they can't come to whatever meeting because they're taking care of their 1 year old. Child was born early in the pandemic, and I don't think they ever got childcare. I don't want to totally throw them under the bus, as a leader it is my responsibility to have my teams get results but man am I getting fed up. I get that childcare was hard in 2020, but wtf is taking them so long.

It sounds to me like you’re the one not doing your job. If she’s really weeks behind on expectations, And you have no idea what’s going on, like it’s time for a “courageous conversation” or whatever thing your organization calls it. You don’t have to throw her under the bus to have a conversation, find out what’s going on, and set some clear consistent guidelines on performance. Just passive aggressively getting fed up is not managing. Maybe she needs supports through an EAP, a scaled down workload or position temporarily, flex time, or a host of other things that can benefit both her and the company.

So, before you go on about her performance, realize it reflects on your ability to manage her. I

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having babies crying in the background in a meeting is a big no no.

That baby could still have a nanny or other parent caring for it, and still cry. If you found the magic off button for babies, you’ll be a zillionaire with that book.

but we're talking about cases where there isn't another adult caring for the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At what point would you tell your boss if you knew your coworkers didn't have childcare and had no intention to do so when school starts.
The company said childcare had to be arranged during work hours for kids under 10.
I know coworkers have lied about this. Would you tell?
Would you tell only if they stopped pulling their weight?

Can you take up a collection to help pay for their childcare? I'll do the same when you're mom needs a babysitter.

[Anonymous]

OP - say something if the employee isn’t productive and it is impacting you. Otherwise let management figure it out.

I have to say I am surprised by the responses here. All of my friends and coworkers, save one, have a least partial childcare and it’s been that way for a few months. The one coworker who is riding this out to the bitter end thinks everyone is like him and his wife. He was surprised when he was turned down for a promotion that he was a shoe in for a year ago. No one else was particularly surprised though. You can’t spend over a a year working 20-25 hours a week while all your other coworkers (also working parents) figure out childcare and worked 40 or more hours a week.

[Anonymous]

Camp sign ups were in Feb. Remember those days? A lot of camps are operating at reduced capacity.

Some people have spouses who have zero immunity.

That said, my coworker keeps posting on FB about all the work he is doing on a camper conversion. My neighbor who works for a federal agency spends her work day going to the gym, shopping or running errands. So, yeah there’s a spectrum of behavior.

OP, in your shoes, I would not say anything at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As with so many other workplace misbehavior topics, the key is to focus on how it affects YOUR work. Person not available during work hours or not able to have reasonable calls/discussions b/c kids are constantly interrupting--problem. Person not getting work done that affects you--problem.

I do agree that child care has been difficult, and many organizations have been very accommodating. But some employees have decided that these accommodations are the new normal.

Some key phrases I use:
Work life balance is for everyone.
Discrimination by family status is illegal.

Yep it sure yes, meaning single / childless don't need to twist themselves into pretzel to cover for families with small children.

[Anonymous]

I did not have my act together, so I did not sign up until late April/May but my kid is in at least part day camp every day this summer. Fairfax County. I am not in love with each camp, but it is far better than a 6 year old home all day - every day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having babies crying in the background in a meeting is a big no no.

That baby could still have a nanny or other parent caring for it, and still cry. If you found the magic off button for babies, you’ll be a zillionaire with that book.

but we're talking about cases where there isn't another adult caring for the baby.

Yes Mary, like when you conduct conference calls with your grandchild babies crying and screaming in the background with no babysitter and don’t give a fuc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say nothing unless it was impacting my ability to do my work.

If it was, then I would stick to the relevant work details - "Jane hasn't gotten me x, so I'm not going to be able to get y done by the deadline - how would you like me to proceed?" I would not opine on why Jane hadn't gotten me x.

+1

If it's not affecting you, then let it go. If it is, focus on how it's affecting you. No one likes a snitch.

+2
If it’s a performance issue, treat it like one. If it’s not impacting you or the team/dept/company goals, MYOB.
My department has several jobs I suspect can be done in 20-25hrs a week. Unless it’s my team that is being underutilized, it’s not my problem to solve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - say something if the employee isn’t productive and it is impacting you. Otherwise let management figure it out.

I have to say I am surprised by the responses here. All of my friends and coworkers, save one, have a least partial childcare and it’s been that way for a few months. The one coworker who is riding this out to the bitter end thinks everyone is like him and his wife. He was surprised when he was turned down for a promotion that he was a shoe in for a year ago. No one else was particularly surprised though. You can’t spend over a a year working 20-25 hours a week while all your other coworkers (also working parents) figure out childcare and worked 40 or more hours a week.

This. It is a management issue. At some point, people should consider officially reducing hours (and pay) or taking a formal leave if they are not getting work done. If they are able to fulfill all responsibilities (or negotiate reduced responsibilities) with their manager, then fine. It is not OK for responsibilities to be continually dropped.

I still have two sets of friends who have not had any childcare since March 2020. One with a ~9 month old and 6 year old, other with 4&6. One relayed to me that he sees a gap in work between people who have kids, and people who don't. I wanted to point out the difference was childcare vs. no childcare, as we have had my 2 year old in care since it reopened in July. I bit my tongue as they already have plans for care starting in the fall, and agree on the necessity versus risk overall. The other set of friends is totally totally burnt out, and I understand why.

I have a coworker who I rely for specific tasks. She does the "I'll do that today" thing and then never delivers on time. Sheo has no childcare responsibilities. Maybe elder care, I really don't know, maybe she is just struggling with the pandemic, maybe she has too much on her plate. No matter the reason, it is a problem. I let my manager know of the issue, and that's all I can do. (They indicated it was "too much on plate" and are hiring.)

[Anonymous]

I never ever ever ever take the side of management because I’m not stanning for capitalism like some of y’all.

[Anonymous]

I don't do anything about it. It's noticeable by our manager, and you can see who is doing the majority of the work. With that said I did receive a raise and title change due to things like this. My coworker is trying, management sees that, but they also see everything that is missed, shuffled, last second time off requests, etc, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - say something if the employee isn’t productive and it is impacting you. Otherwise let management figure it out.

I have to say I am surprised by the responses here. All of my friends and coworkers, save one, have a least partial childcare and it’s been that way for a few months. The one coworker who is riding this out to the bitter end thinks everyone is like him and his wife. He was surprised when he was turned down for a promotion that he was a shoe in for a year ago. No one else was particularly surprised though. You can’t spend over a a year working 20-25 hours a week while all your other coworkers (also working parents) figure out childcare and worked 40 or more hours a week.

This. It is a management issue. At some point, people should consider officially reducing hours (and pay) or taking a formal leave if they are not getting work done. If they are able to fulfill all responsibilities (or negotiate reduced responsibilities) with their manager, then fine. It is not OK for responsibilities to be continually dropped.

I still have two sets of friends who have not had any childcare since March 2020. One with a ~9 month old and 6 year old, other with 4&6. One relayed to me that he sees a gap in work between people who have kids, and people who don't. I wanted to point out the difference was childcare vs. no childcare, as we have had my 2 year old in care since it reopened in July. I bit my tongue as they already have plans for care starting in the fall, and agree on the necessity versus risk overall. The other set of friends is totally totally burnt out, and I understand why.

I have a coworker who I rely for specific tasks. She does the "I'll do that today" thing and then never delivers on time. Sheo has no childcare responsibilities. Maybe elder care, I really don't know, maybe she is just struggling with the pandemic, maybe she has too much on her plate. No matter the reason, it is a problem. I let my manager know of the issue, and that's all I can do. (They indicated it was "too much on plate" and are hiring.)

This. It's a management issue, not a childcare issue. The people with kids on my team get their work done, on time and well, keep their calendar up to date, and are reasonably available for phone calls and meetings. I don't know or care what their childcare arrangements are. The worst performer has no kids.

[Anonymous]

I think that some people made a decision back in say June/July 2020 when things were pretty uncertain, and now a lot of people are just stuck in that mindset. (Talking about those with kids not eligible for school - the school age situation is different, maybe worse in terms of uncertainty).

It was an emotionally very hard thing to decide to get / resume childcare last summer, but for me, it was either that or quit my job. I did not have the type of job I could do in 20 hours a week, and it was too much self-pressure / anxiety / stress to realize how much I was failing at everything trying to parent with no childcare, and work at the same time.

But, if I'd been managing for the past 18 months, I can see telling myself "what's a few more months? Let's see how delta turns out. vaccines are almost here." If I'd refused child care so far, I'd also likely have taken to heart the more extreme/cautious points of view on COVID, rather than really seeking out data on comparable childhood illnesses that I previously just accepted. It's partially confirmation bias, and the fact that they can do it.