When you have siblings over---food question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am usually the family member coming to visit, and it varies. I always suggest eating out or takeout, but sometimes my bro/SIL will cook. I always suggest keeping it easy/casual.

Pretty presumptuous of you. Why don't you host?

Np. What are you talking about? What is this poster being presumptuous about?

NO. Don’t tell your hosts what to do in their own home, with their own time and money. It’s beyond rude.

I’m a good cook, and I make a nice-but-reasonable Thanksgiving meal. I enjoy it and am relaxed about it. MIL always says don’t bother/why bother/just buy that at the store next year. It’s dismissive, patronizing and rude.

NP- Wow. You are taking this way too personally. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with how the pp approached the situation. They ‘suggested’ easier options for their SISTER not their boss or some secondary relation. This type of considerate ‘don’t put yourself out for us’ approach is very typical in close families.

Op, similar to others, we often do one meal at home (typically breakfast) then order in or eat out for dinner.

It’s rude. You accepted my hospitality, and now you’re trying to dictate what I do in my own home? No, thanks.

It’s always the non-hosts who do this, too. They feel self-conscious when someone cooks or orders in a nice meal because:
A) They never host (they can’t deal with cleaning or spending money/making effort)
B) They never serve anything good that they made themselves, because they can’t. And even their takeout isn’t good because they don’t want to spend.

You are a whack job dysfunctional human being with a dysfunctional family.

Most people are laid back with their family and may make something simple/elaborate, order something or go out....even raid the freezer and make something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am usually the family member coming to visit, and it varies. I always suggest eating out or takeout, but sometimes my bro/SIL will cook. I always suggest keeping it easy/casual.

Pretty presumptuous of you. Why don't you host?

Np. What are you talking about? What is this poster being presumptuous about?

NO. Don’t tell your hosts what to do in their own home, with their own time and money. It’s beyond rude.

I’m a good cook, and I make a nice-but-reasonable Thanksgiving meal. I enjoy it and am relaxed about it. MIL always says don’t bother/why bother/just buy that at the store next year. It’s dismissive, patronizing and rude.

NP- Wow. You are taking this way too personally. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with how the pp approached the situation. They ‘suggested’ easier options for their SISTER not their boss or some secondary relation. This type of considerate ‘don’t put yourself out for us’ approach is very typical in close families.

Op, similar to others, we often do one meal at home (typically breakfast) then order in or eat out for dinner.

It’s rude. You accepted my hospitality, and now you’re trying to dictate what I do in my own home? No, thanks.

It’s always the non-hosts who do this, too. They feel self-conscious when someone cooks or orders in a nice meal because:
A) They never host (they can’t deal with cleaning or spending money/making effort)
B) They never serve anything good that they made themselves, because they can’t. And even their takeout isn’t good because they don’t want to spend.

You are a whack job dysfunctional human being with a dysfunctional family.

Most people are laid back with their family and may make something simple/elaborate, order something or go out....even raid the freezer and make something.

Yeah, we do that, too. And none of that is a problem.

What IS a problem is OP and others making “suggestions” to grown-ass adults who frequently host as to how they should host. Like, if my family comes over often, I don’t need them to “suggest” how I should spend my time, money and effort to feed them. All they need to do is say, “Is there anything I can bring” and/or “thank you.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am usually the family member coming to visit, and it varies. I always suggest eating out or takeout, but sometimes my bro/SIL will cook. I always suggest keeping it easy/casual.

Pretty presumptuous of you. Why don't you host?

You have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what the pp's situation is.

I moved to the west coast from the east and I was ALWAYS the one expected to make the trip back home. Hence, I was always the one being hosted - and not necessarily by preference.

OP, we typically do a combination of whatever feels right for the group during a particular visit. Usually a combination of making meals at home/takeout/eating out.

[Anonymous]

Generally there is no formality with our siblings and ILs when they drop in. If it is meal time we serve whatever we were going to have and maybe add a side or so. We usually also have some frozen precooked meals in the freezer and it is easy to stretch the meal by adding some sides, salads, appetizers etc. They are usually comfortable in our home so very often they will ask what we have at home and then they will also get a few dishes that they have made at home to add to the potluck.

Seriously, there is just no formality. We often cook and don't even bother to transfer the food in to the serving dish. We just bring the cooking pots to the table and everyone digs in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s rude. You accepted my hospitality, and now you’re trying to dictate what I do in my own home? No, thanks.

NP here. UNLESS the sibling making the take-out suggestion is doing so in order to cut down on work for the hosting sibling. We don't know if the hosting sibling is totally fine with take-out, or prefers it, and maybe the visiting sibling is splitting the bill. We really don't know if the take-out suggestion sibling is presumptuous or not. The jumping-to-conclusions on DCUM is strong today.

[Anonymous]

Wow, some of the responses to this thread were definitely new to me!

With my siblings, we keep everything casual, sometimes we cook, sometimes we order in, sometimes we go out. There's zero formality or pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am usually the family member coming to visit, and it varies. I always suggest eating out or takeout, but sometimes my bro/SIL will cook. I always suggest keeping it easy/casual.

Pretty presumptuous of you. Why don't you host?

Np. What are you talking about? What is this poster being presumptuous about?

NO. Don’t tell your hosts what to do in their own home, with their own time and money. It’s beyond rude.

I’m a good cook, and I make a nice-but-reasonable Thanksgiving meal. I enjoy it and am relaxed about it. MIL always says don’t bother/why bother/just buy that at the store next year. It’s dismissive, patronizing and rude.

NP- Wow. You are taking this way too personally. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with how the pp approached the situation. They ‘suggested’ easier options for their SISTER not their boss or some secondary relation. This type of considerate ‘don’t put yourself out for us’ approach is very typical in close families.

Op, similar to others, we often do one meal at home (typically breakfast) then order in or eat out for dinner.

It’s rude. You accepted my hospitality, and now you’re trying to dictate what I do in my own home? No, thanks.

It’s always the non-hosts who do this, too. They feel self-conscious when someone cooks or orders in a nice meal because:
A) They never host (they can’t deal with cleaning or spending money/making effort)
B) They never serve anything good that they made themselves, because they can’t. And even their takeout isn’t good because they don’t want to spend.

Lol. You need to quietly meditate and reflect on what’s important- quality time with family, not judging people’s ability to cook.

You also need to learn the definitions of ‘suggest’ and ‘dictate’.

I’m the pp and host all family events- from 50+ holidays parties, to one in one family dinners. Someone suggesting takeout or catering a larger party or going out to dinner wouldn’t phase me at all as a negative comment- in facts, I’d view it in the opposite- an invitation to lighten my hosting responsibilities because I’m always the host and I’m single so I do it all.

I don’t care what people serve me or how often they host; I do care when they go out of their way to tell me what to do/not to do, with my own time, energy and money, in my own home.

And after a time, yeah, I did notice that it’s the same people who say “Oh, don’t go to any trouble…don’t bother cooking” (while shoveling forkfuls of my food into their mouth at the same time) who are the infrequent/unimpressive hosts.

This is a YOU issue. Just you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am usually the family member coming to visit, and it varies. I always suggest eating out or takeout, but sometimes my bro/SIL will cook. I always suggest keeping it easy/casual.

Pretty presumptuous of you. Why don't you host?

Np. What are you talking about? What is this poster being presumptuous about?

NO. Don’t tell your hosts what to do in their own home, with their own time and money. It’s beyond rude.

I’m a good cook, and I make a nice-but-reasonable Thanksgiving meal. I enjoy it and am relaxed about it. MIL always says don’t bother/why bother/just buy that at the store next year. It’s dismissive, patronizing and rude.

NP- Wow. You are taking this way too personally. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with how the pp approached the situation. They ‘suggested’ easier options for their SISTER not their boss or some secondary relation. This type of considerate ‘don’t put yourself out for us’ approach is very typical in close families.

Op, similar to others, we often do one meal at home (typically breakfast) then order in or eat out for dinner.

It’s rude. You accepted my hospitality, and now you’re trying to dictate what I do in my own home? No, thanks.

It’s always the non-hosts who do this, too. They feel self-conscious when someone cooks or orders in a nice meal because:
A) They never host (they can’t deal with cleaning or spending money/making effort)
B) They never serve anything good that they made themselves, because they can’t. And even their takeout isn’t good because they don’t want to spend.

You are a whack job dysfunctional human being with a dysfunctional family.

Most people are laid back with their family and may make something simple/elaborate, order something or go out....even raid the freezer and make something.

Yeah, we do that, too. And none of that is a problem.

What IS a problem is OP and others making “suggestions” to grown-ass adults who frequently host as to how they should host. Like, if my family comes over often, I don’t need them to “suggest” how I should spend my time, money and effort to feed them. All they need to do is say, “Is there anything I can bring” and/or “thank you.”

You just keep doubling down even though many people have pointed out you are projecting way too much in this situation. Here’s the thing: even if by some miracle you were able to convince everyone on the internet that your uptight approach to having family visit you was correct, that still wouldn’t translate by some WiFi-osmosis to your MIL and make her your version of a “correct” guest. Although I agree with a PP who said your disdain for her probably comes through loud and clear whenever she’s around, so she’s probably suggesting you don’t go to any trouble because when you do you lord it over your guests like some kind of party planning Cersei. Take a Xanax next time. I’m sure everyone will be happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am usually the family member coming to visit, and it varies. I always suggest eating out or takeout, but sometimes my bro/SIL will cook. I always suggest keeping it easy/casual.

Pretty presumptuous of you. Why don't you host?

Np. What are you talking about? What is this poster being presumptuous about?

NO. Don’t tell your hosts what to do in their own home, with their own time and money. It’s beyond rude.

I’m a good cook, and I make a nice-but-reasonable Thanksgiving meal. I enjoy it and am relaxed about it. MIL always says don’t bother/why bother/just buy that at the store next year. It’s dismissive, patronizing and rude.

NP- Wow. You are taking this way too personally. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with how the pp approached the situation. They ‘suggested’ easier options for their SISTER not their boss or some secondary relation. This type of considerate ‘don’t put yourself out for us’ approach is very typical in close families.

Op, similar to others, we often do one meal at home (typically breakfast) then order in or eat out for dinner.

It’s rude. You accepted my hospitality, and now you’re trying to dictate what I do in my own home? No, thanks.

It’s always the non-hosts who do this, too. They feel self-conscious when someone cooks or orders in a nice meal because:
A) They never host (they can’t deal with cleaning or spending money/making effort)
B) They never serve anything good that they made themselves, because they can’t. And even their takeout isn’t good because they don’t want to spend.

You are a whack job dysfunctional human being with a dysfunctional family.

Most people are laid back with their family and may make something simple/elaborate, order something or go out....even raid the freezer and make something.

Yeah, we do that, too. And none of that is a problem.

What IS a problem is OP and others making “suggestions” to grown-ass adults who frequently host as to how they should host. Like, if my family comes over often, I don’t need them to “suggest” how I should spend my time, money and effort to feed them. All they need to do is say, “Is there anything I can bring” and/or “thank you.”

You just keep doubling down even though many people have pointed out you are projecting way too much in this situation. Here’s the thing: even if by some miracle you were able to convince everyone on the internet that your uptight approach to having family visit you was correct, that still wouldn’t translate by some WiFi-osmosis to your MIL and make her your version of a “correct” guest. Although I agree with a PP who said your disdain for her probably comes through loud and clear whenever she’s around, so she’s probably suggesting you don’t go to any trouble because when you do you lord it over your guests like some kind of party planning Cersei. Take a Xanax next time. I’m sure everyone will be happier.

loool

[Anonymous]

I’m Greek. If someone comes over for just 5 minutes you cook. The other person leaves 3 hours later after having been force fed serving after serving. For this reason you block your whole day when visiting parents or aunts.