When you have siblings over---food question

[Anonymous]

Wow. Just wow. So much of everybody thinking the world revolves around them and them alone.

My sibling with 2 children lives about an hour away. My parents and a couple of first and second cousins live here. I frequently host, because we can fit everyone and when the kids were little (older teens now), I had the toys, where as the other relatives had older kids and the toys were gone.

It is frequently big family dinners that I prepare, sometimes with my moms help. My sister will sometimes pick up lunch for our 2 families on her way here, but more often than not, they arrive hungry and I am happy to feed them.

I could care less if someone suggests eating out v eating in, we will discuss as a group and do it. We are all happy to be together and enjoying the time together. The food is never the focal point (well, maybe at Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter...).

Last weekend they were up for my parents anniversary. We grilled steaks for my parents and the other red meat eaters (7 people total), chicken for those who don't eat red meat (4 people), and veggie burgers for the 3 vegetarians. I also prepared all the sides, and my sibling brought desserts.

It was fun, and while it was time and money to buy and prepare the meal, the time celebrating with our parents and my family (sibling + family and a cousin + family) make it worth it.

[Anonymous]

With my sister, it depends on what we are doing that day. Maybe one of us makes dinner, maybe we grill and each bring something, maybe we order out. Not a set thing here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am usually the family member coming to visit, and it varies. I always suggest eating out or takeout, but sometimes my bro/SIL will cook. I always suggest keeping it easy/casual.

Do you offer to pay? Why won't you host?

[Anonymous]

My answer is the same as most people's- it varies based on what we have going on. Sometimes they'll grab something on the way in. Sometimes I'll put together an easy spread for lunch. Sometimes we'll order at some point b/c we don't know when people will be hungry or for what. Someties, we'll have a more elaborate sit down meal.

I'm intrigued by the question. It is so oddly specific: 1) sibling; and 2) hour drive.

My answer would be the exact same if you asked about having any close friend or family over, regardless of distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Calm down. They’re siblings.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My answer is the same as most people's- it varies based on what we have going on. Sometimes they'll grab something on the way in. Sometimes I'll put together an easy spread for lunch. Sometimes we'll order at some point b/c we don't know when people will be hungry or for what. Someties, we'll have a more elaborate sit down meal.

I'm intrigued by the question. It is so oddly specific: 1) sibling; and 2) hour drive.

My answer would be the exact same if you asked about having any close friend or family over, regardless of distance.

Hour drive: i would imagine local siblings would eat at home and possibly have shorter more frequent visits. Also siblings from farther away would likely stay overnight.
Siblings: less degree of formality than other guests.

[Anonymous]

We usually order take out or go out. Cooking and then cleaning after a large group isn’t fun for me. I prefer to keep it simple.

[Anonymous]

Adult SIL with no kids = we usually go out
BIL with older kids = we usually order takeout, he always pays
Sister with kids = we make something at home
Brother with kids = we make something at home

We do whatever works best for the dynamics of the group. It is always casual and not fussy. They are family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Combo of both. It varies. We might bake pancakes, eggs and fruit for brunch, then go out for dinner. Or order in dim sum, then grill for dinner. We’re flexible.

Bake pancakes???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am usually the family member coming to visit, and it varies. I always suggest eating out or takeout, but sometimes my bro/SIL will cook. I always suggest keeping it easy/casual.

Pretty presumptuous of you. Why don't you host?

Np. What are you talking about? What is this poster being presumptuous about?

NO. Don’t tell your hosts what to do in their own home, with their own time and money. It’s beyond rude.

I’m a good cook, and I make a nice-but-reasonable Thanksgiving meal. I enjoy it and am relaxed about it. MIL always says don’t bother/why bother/just buy that at the store next year. It’s dismissive, patronizing and rude.

NP- Wow. You are taking this way too personally. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with how the pp approached the situation. They ‘suggested’ easier options for their SISTER not their boss or some secondary relation. This type of considerate ‘don’t put yourself out for us’ approach is very typical in close families.

Op, similar to others, we often do one meal at home (typically breakfast) then order in or eat out for dinner.

Actually, it’s their BROTHER, if you read the post. Or do you just assume cooking is women’s work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am usually the family member coming to visit, and it varies. I always suggest eating out or takeout, but sometimes my bro/SIL will cook. I always suggest keeping it easy/casual.

Do you offer to pay? Why won't you host?

Generally, when people say, “why don’t *we* order take-out” they also offer to pay, at least their share. You are coming into this discussion with way too emotional baggage - why be hostile about it? The OP’s response is “normal” for functional families that communicate. And why OP doesn’t host is none of your business!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am usually the family member coming to visit, and it varies. I always suggest eating out or takeout, but sometimes my bro/SIL will cook. I always suggest keeping it easy/casual.

Pretty presumptuous of you. Why don't you host?

Np. What are you talking about? What is this poster being presumptuous about?

NO. Don’t tell your hosts what to do in their own home, with their own time and money. It’s beyond rude.

I’m a good cook, and I make a nice-but-reasonable Thanksgiving meal. I enjoy it and am relaxed about it. MIL always says don’t bother/why bother/just buy that at the store next year. It’s dismissive, patronizing and rude.

NP- Wow. You are taking this way too personally. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with how the pp approached the situation. They ‘suggested’ easier options for their SISTER not their boss or some secondary relation. This type of considerate ‘don’t put yourself out for us’ approach is very typical in close families.

Op, similar to others, we often do one meal at home (typically breakfast) then order in or eat out for dinner.

It’s rude. You accepted my hospitality, and now you’re trying to dictate what I do in my own home? No, thanks.

It’s always the non-hosts who do this, too. They feel self-conscious when someone cooks or orders in a nice meal because:
A) They never host (they can’t deal with cleaning or spending money/making effort)
B) They never serve anything good that they made themselves, because they can’t. And even their takeout isn’t good because they don’t want to spend.

Lol. You need to quietly meditate and reflect on what’s important- quality time with family, not judging people’s ability to cook.

You also need to learn the definitions of ‘suggest’ and ‘dictate’.

I’m the pp and host all family events- from 50+ holidays parties, to one in one family dinners. Someone suggesting takeout or catering a larger party or going out to dinner wouldn’t phase me at all as a negative comment- in facts, I’d view it in the opposite- an invitation to lighten my hosting responsibilities because I’m always the host and I’m single so I do it all.

I don’t care what people serve me or how often they host; I do care when they go out of their way to tell me what to do/not to do, with my own time, energy and money, in my own home.

And after a time, yeah, I did notice that it’s the same people who say “Oh, don’t go to any trouble…don’t bother cooking” (while shoveling forkfuls of my food into their mouth at the same time) who are the infrequent/unimpressive hosts.

Oh my god. We always go to my SIL’s because she has three kids and doesn’t want to come to us. When she asks what we’d like to do for dinner, I often say, “no need to cook if you don’t feel like it, we’re happy with pizza or whatever”. This is not “telling her what to do/not to do”, it is acknowledging that maybe she doesn’t feel like cooking and we don’t want to be a burden on her. She cooks about half the time, the other half we order in, and no one gets their panties in a bunch. It sounds like you need to stop hosting if you can’t do it gracefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer is the same as most people's- it varies based on what we have going on. Sometimes they'll grab something on the way in. Sometimes I'll put together an easy spread for lunch. Sometimes we'll order at some point b/c we don't know when people will be hungry or for what. Someties, we'll have a more elaborate sit down meal.

I'm intrigued by the question. It is so oddly specific: 1) sibling; and 2) hour drive.

My answer would be the exact same if you asked about having any close friend or family over, regardless of distance.

Hour drive: i would imagine local siblings would eat at home and possibly have shorter more frequent visits. Also siblings from farther away would likely stay overnight.
Siblings: less degree of formality than other guests.

Ohhhh, I get it now. Np here...Most of my family lives in a city an hour away from me and pretty much every time we get together, it's planned around a meal. I assumed op was asking what we do for food when we have family over, and NOT eating together is so rare that it didn't even cross my mind as an option.

[Anonymous]

I’m super close to both of my sisters. We live about 30 minutes from each other. We don’t put that much thought into it. The PP getting so wound up seems mentally unwell. It’s my sisters, ffs. We’ll decide what to eat based on what we are doing. If our entire families are getting together, we have to put a little more thought to it. There are 12 kids (3 of them with spouses) and two grandkids between all of us. We got together yesterday at my house and I just ordered pizza. The kids stayed in the pool most of the time. One of my sisters brought beer/wine. The other brought dessert. Easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am usually the family member coming to visit, and it varies. I always suggest eating out or takeout, but sometimes my bro/SIL will cook. I always suggest keeping it easy/casual.

Pretty presumptuous of you. Why don't you host?

Np. What are you talking about? What is this poster being presumptuous about?

NO. Don’t tell your hosts what to do in their own home, with their own time and money. It’s beyond rude.

I’m a good cook, and I make a nice-but-reasonable Thanksgiving meal. I enjoy it and am relaxed about it. MIL always says don’t bother/why bother/just buy that at the store next year. It’s dismissive, patronizing and rude.

You do you. Why do you presume to speak for other people’s families?