does this sound outside the range of "normal" 3-4yo behavior to you?

[Anonymous]

Your son is not a sociopath! Jeeze. My second grader had a lot of these issues in preschool and is now somewhat anxious, as a PP discussed, but his behavior at school is excellent and he’s thriving. So don’t panic. I suggest a CBT therapist.

[Anonymous]

I feel like those examples are within normal bounds of preschool behavior.

I also feel that those behaviors absolutely need to be addressed by the school. It’s like saying “It’s developmentally normal for a two year old to have pee accidents so I’m not going to try potty training.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This kind of behavior can be really stressful to other kids.

It can really kill the classroom dynamic to have one kid always doing this stuff. Of course they want to talk to you and have you help fix it...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Preschool teacher here:
He sounds frustrated and like he struggles with impulse control. 1. If it’s a school/group behavior it can be addressed much more easily at school, and you can do a lot to help him voice his frustration at home 2. If the school doesn’t see it as something they can help him mature through then that is a problem. Montessori schools tend to have very high ratios of teachers to kids as part of the model - that makes it difficult to shadow him during transitions, which is what he needs. A teacher to interfere and help him with the words before he destroys work or knocks his work over.

It’s also not something that is fixed in a week or two - every kid starts where they are and learns what they need to
thrive...
To start I would: 1. Give him a very specific count down to the end of whatever activity - at this age just a finish up what you are doing and then it’s almost time to clean up
2. Focus only on using words - if he knocks over something in frustration stop and ask him to tell you what’s he’s trying to express - don’t worry about the thing
3. Have him only go to the teacher right now, not another student - and yea that is contrary to the Montessori method

I agree with a previous poster that this school may not be a good match for him

I teach at a play based preschool and this year it’s 7 kids to two teachers. We have a 4 year old who still snatches and knocks over other kids towers...however he has made so much progress this year and he can stop and talk to a friend and apologize, help fix it and move on. Next year he will have a whole extra year of impulse control, plus the skills to talk to a friend and resolve conflict

Another preschool teacher here. I agree with the above. A play-based preschool would be a better fit for your child, it sounds like he would benefit from a school that focuses on getting along with others and socialization. Some kids this age are more impulsive than others -- your child may just be taking a little longer to mature, which is in the range of "normal".

When I have a child who behaves this way in my class, we would assign the assistant teacher to be the child's shadow at key points of the day that are likely to be challenging, like transitions between activities. You need an adult close at hand to intervene with this kind of behavior. You also want the teachers to observe it carefully, note when it happens, what kinds of circumstances, and see what they can do to minimize those circumstances. Also, to coach the child on expressing his feelings in other ways, rather than messing up another child's project. Its OK to be mad, or upset that an activity is over, but its not OK to destroy someone's project is the message to be conveyed, and worked on with the child.

Could your OT visit your child at school? Then she could observe what he's doing at school and try to work on things with him that are relevant to better self-regulation at school. My preschool has OTs, other specialists come in to observe the child at school so they can give supportive services that are responsive to what is going on at school. Because of course, school demands different things of kids than being at home does.

I'm not so sure that OT is the right kind of specialist for this situation -- a special ed / social-emotional skills consultant would be good -- but using the OT you have to come in and advise what would help at school might be useful. See if your school will allow that. They should, it is how schools can support students. Sometimes the OT or other specialist can also advise the teachers what she is working on with that child, invite the teachers to use some of the same techniques with the child.

I agree that OT doesn’t sound right for this. My son has autism and we have an ABA therapist who does all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Montessori is pretty rigid imho. That pedagogy might not be a good fit for your kid.

This. Sounds like they're not setting him up for success, but putting him in situations over and over again where he is unable to control his frustrations because "that's how it's done."

Agree.

Switch to a play-based preschool ASAP. Montessori is not a good fit

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he has an issue with limits and boundaries. This may not improve just by switching schools, as you can't do whatever the hell you please in a play based preschool either.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think the behaviours in and of themselves sound so bad, but the frequency seems high, and the lashing out at other students is problematic. DD is at the opposite end of behaviour - she’s an anxious kind who would lean toward selective mutism, and a kid like your DS taking and damaging her artwork would be really significantly traumatic for her.

It may be that the school itself isn’t a good fit, or the program. He may feel constrained by too many rules, and it will hurt other kids who thrive with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like those examples are within normal bounds of preschool behavior.

I also feel that those behaviors absolutely need to be addressed by the school. It’s like saying “It’s developmentally normal for a two year old to have pee accidents so I’m not going to try potty training.”

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the behaviours in and of themselves sound so bad, but the frequency seems high, and the lashing out at other students is problematic.

This is what I think too. Understaffing could be an issue also.

I don't see that these issues would be improved by moving to play based, unless the staff ratios are much lower there.

- Ripping up another kids project when the kid says he can't help with it
Kids often have their own projects and crafts in play based care and are entitled not to want a classmate to "help" them.

- Dumping over his own work (what montisorri calls their activities) if its time to wrap up and he's not done
Kids at play based care also have transition times and are sometimes required to stop what they're doing before they want to. If anything, I would think the lengthy Montessori work cycle would have fewer transitions

- During times of a lot of noise and transition, getting too close to other students and bumping into them (he's never hurt anyone at school but does touch other kids)
Same as previous.

- Doing things like purposefully splashing water on the floor at their little sink where they're supposed to wash their own dishes
Kids at play based care also have access to sinks and may be expected to bus their own dishes and utensils at lunch. Mine did this.

[Anonymous]

If the teachers are experienced and have seen many kids over the years, than I would listen to their advice. Usually parents are in denial

[Anonymous]

Maybe try a non-Montessori school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the behaviours in and of themselves sound so bad, but the frequency seems high, and the lashing out at other students is problematic.

This is what I think too. Understaffing could be an issue also.

I don't see that these issues would be improved by moving to play based, unless the staff ratios are much lower there.

- Ripping up another kids project when the kid says he can't help with it
Kids often have their own projects and crafts in play based care and are entitled not to want a classmate to "help" them.

- Dumping over his own work (what montisorri calls their activities) if its time to wrap up and he's not done
Kids at play based care also have transition times and are sometimes required to stop what they're doing before they want to. If anything, I would think the lengthy Montessori work cycle would have fewer transitions

- During times of a lot of noise and transition, getting too close to other students and bumping into them (he's never hurt anyone at school but does touch other kids)
Same as previous.

- Doing things like purposefully splashing water on the floor at their little sink where they're supposed to wash their own dishes
Kids at play based care also have access to sinks and may be expected to bus their own dishes and utensils at lunch. Mine did this.

It seems like you don’t fully understand the Montessori approach. It is VERY different from a play-based/traditional daycare/preschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It seems like you don’t fully understand the Montessori approach. It is VERY different from a play-based/traditional daycare/preschool.

While I don't claim to "fully understand" it, I have 3 kids in a Montessori school and have been a Montessori parent for 5 years. So I think I know a little something. Yes, the approach is very different. But OP listed very specific issues. The issues she listed, like transitions, noise, and other kids' boundaries, will still be present in a play-based setting. The noise and transitions will likely be more present, not less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:put him in a new preschool.

This. We did a mommy and me class at a montessori preschool when the kids were young and I used to call it the "no space." Everything was super rigid and while my daughter would have probably done fine in an environment like that, I knew that it was a not a good fit for my son. That being said, what you describe, OP is probably ok occasionally, but if it happens daily, I would not consider it normal. See if changing preschool helps. He may be rebelling against the rigid environment.

[Anonymous]

He has already been labeled the naughty kid. He can tell how they feel about him.