Awkward situation with neighbor

[Anonymous]

I used to have 12 year old watching my 6 and 4-year-old.

[Anonymous]

You left your kid with someone in an unpaid capacity. There are some risks that go along with that. She should have said I have errands to run and you likely would have said my child can play another day. I would let it go. Just be careful going forward with who you leave your kids with and don't make assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask if the 14 year was available to babysit! Send her over a $10 gift card to thank her so she is motivated to babysit for you!

Do not do the gift card, OP. It would humiliate the mom. She’s already keenly aware that you did not appreciate your child had been left with older daughter. It would be more like an underline than a kind gesture.
I understand completely why you were distressed that this happened. I never had a teen take care of my first DC. I was so worried with the first DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not about how old the babysitter is.... it’s that the mother didn’t clear it with the OP first. 14 may be old enough to sit, but they are not a legal adult. Wow, super weird she didn’t let you know.

When you have older kids, you forget how uptight you were when your first child was little. It didn’t cross her mind until she got a text that neighbor picked child up.
Also, she may have thought about texting, but figured with a sleeping toddler, not to interrupt.

Question - at what age do you stop informing? Kids roam from house to house in my neighborhood. I’ve left to get something from the grocery store while there was a group of kids in my yard (mine 14, & 11, plus neighbors 12, 12, 11, 9, 8, and 6).

[Anonymous]

You overreacted, but she should have told you. They were outside, doing exactly what the mom said, just with the older sister.

You were in your home, two doors down. I mean...if something had happened, she knew where to find you. With a 14 and 6 year old, I’m sure she does this on a (semi)regular basis. I do it - my kids are 9 and 11. If I need to run somewhere for 15-30 minutes, they have zero interest in coming, and can be trusted for that time.

[Anonymous]

the time to smooth it over passed when you texted her...so you didn't let it go. Do you have a time machine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the time to smooth it over passed when you texted her...so you didn't let it go. Do you have a time machine?

I think this is a bit harsh, but the PP is right.

You took your 6 yo daughter home - a few doors down. She was basically playing outside without you with her friend, supervised by her older sister AND YOU WERE HOME. Does that *really* bother you?

If you want to smooth it over, straight up apologize, and blame it on your new mom neuroses. She probably thought it was fine because you were home and your DD was basically in sight.

[Anonymous]

Do you know the family? Is the 14 year old a responsible, normal kid?

Yes, she should have cleared it with you but I also don't think it was THAT big of a deal.

I'd talk to her. "Hi neighbor, I think it's reasonable what you did, i was just surprised you wouldn't mention it to me. Could you just give me a heads up next time, or just send my kid back home?"

[Anonymous]

Unclench.

[Anonymous]

I disagree that the mom should have let you know, to me that is nbd. My perspective is that any house I'd send my kid to is someone I trust her to be with, and what the OP described would not bother me.

Should they also call you if they decide to go get ice cream? What is the threshold of what another parent can let your kid do/decide to do for your kid while that kid is in their care?

Perhaps we are just luckier than most to have good friends thata we trust, but I doubt it - I just think that if someone I trust is ok with something for their kids, then unless it's something outrageous (and OP's situation does not even come close) I'm fine with it for my kid while they're visiting too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know the family? Is the 14 year old a responsible, normal kid?

Yes, she should have cleared it with you but I also don't think it was THAT big of a deal.

I'd talk to her. "Hi neighbor, I think it's reasonable what you did, i was just surprised you wouldn't mention it to me. Could you just give me a heads up next time, or just send my kid back home?"

No, this makes it worse! Just get over it. If you apologize make it a real apology, not this fake crap.

[Anonymous]

I was 11 when I started babysitting, my kid is 13 and babysits.

Just say “I’m sorry, I was surprised. We haven’t left our child with anyone under the age of X yet. If it happens again that you need to run an errand, please let me know”

[Anonymous]

You overreacted. Apologize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree that the mom should have let you know, to me that is nbd. My perspective is that any house I'd send my kid to is someone I trust her to be with, and what the OP described would not bother me.

Should they also call you if they decide to go get ice cream? What is the threshold of what another parent can let your kid do/decide to do for your kid while that kid is in their care?

Perhaps we are just luckier than most to have good friends thata we trust, but I doubt it - I just think that if someone I trust is ok with something for their kids, then unless it's something outrageous (and OP's situation does not even come close) I'm fine with it for my kid while they're visiting too.

Agreed! Also, I was 14 when I started nannying 10 hour weekdays, 5 days/week, over summer and winter school breaks for family friends. At the time, their were 9 and 15 months old. I managed the day to day activities, feedings, changings, naps, baths, occasional outings on the MTA (Brooklyn), the whole 9 yards. Barring special needs, I can’t imagine many 14 year olds are not responsible enough at that age to manage merely supervising two 6 years olds, one of whom is a sibling.

Seriously, you overreacted. Parents want too much power these days, but still want the benefits of the village raising mentality. Oi. 🤦🏾‍♀️

[Anonymous]

I would not have cared and it wouldnt have bothered me that she didn't text you. Also have a 6 year old. There is nothing you can do to change what happened. Just continue with play dates. I seriously doubt a one time overreaction will make her think you're one of those crazy parents.