6th and 7th graders swearing in texts - How big of a deal is it? How common or uncommon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would nip that in the bud. Bad language is a hard habit to break and the way we speak (and type) informs other peoples' impression of us. I know a lot of people think it is the age but as a middle school teacher I think you need to reel that language in. I am pretty appalled at all the posters here who think it is okay to curse, and who aren't blinking an eye at a 6th or 7th grader cursing. Yikes.

I heartily agree. It's intellectual laziness at its core - not wanting to find interesting and creative ways to express your feelings, but going for the obvious that everyone uses. That's why I don't allow swearing in my house. I want my children to think for themselves. There are so many fruity and pungent words to express frustration.

If only people were capable of both. Swear words, as well as more thoughtful expressions of every type, are capable of being uttered by the same individual. I would def be rolling my eyes if my child used the words fruity and pungent in the manner used by PP. That sort of view, and language, is overly fussy and shows little capability for being easy going or very likable.

This is a false premise. Just because someone chooses to use an obscenity instead of a word like 'fruity' doesn't mean the person is intellectually lazy or lacks creativity. I'm a middle aged white woman but can appreciate the 'interesting and creative' language found in rap. Some lyrics may be vulgar but still world class art.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be more concerned about context than just the presence of swearing. So, something like "S**t, I'm so mad I f**ked up on that math test," seems like not a big deal. But something like "That b**ch needs to learn her place" would not be ok. I'd also say something about words that aren't actually swearing, but referring to groups of people in a derogatory way, like using gay as an insult, using the word "retard," (although I don't think that's even used as a medical or diagnostic word anymore), etc.

And certain words would be off-limits, no matter context, like the n-word and the c-word.

I agree with this. I’ve also talked to my kids about knowing their audience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to any MS teacher. They will tell you it's fine.

The kids are practicing/trying it out amongst friends. In ES, they listened to you and didn't repear the bad words. Now they are getting older, rebelling a little.

As long as they understand amongst friends, fine. With adults, NEVER.

I have been a middle school teacher for 20+ years. I don't know a single middle school teacher who would "tell you it's fine" for a 6th or 7th grade student to curse or swear. But keep making stuff up if you want...

I mean, not in class. But amongst themselves? Really? Are your fellow teachers that out of touch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to any MS teacher. They will tell you it's fine.

The kids are practicing/trying it out amongst friends. In ES, they listened to you and didn't repear the bad words. Now they are getting older, rebelling a little.

As long as they understand amongst friends, fine. With adults, NEVER.

I have been a middle school teacher for 20+ years. I don't know a single middle school teacher who would "tell you it's fine" for a 6th or 7th grade student to curse or swear. But keep making stuff up if you want...

I mean, not in class. But amongst themselves? Really? Are your fellow teachers that out of touch?

It’s probably true. Middle school is the worst of everything, especially unrealistic expectations and strict rules that make them want to rebel more. -former MS teacher now working in a HS because the teachers were unbearable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it makes me question of my kid should be friends w a kid who swears and puts people down in group texts. My DD is in 6th and when her older was in 6th a few years back I never saw texts like I see now. I realize a lot is from COVID but it still is off putting to me

Swearing and putting people down are two different things. And good luck telling your 7th grader who you think they should or shouldn’t be friends with. Doesn’t always go over well.

I never tell my kids who they should or should t be friends with but it is my job as their mom to point out less than appropriate behavior and bad influences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal and I'd advise you let it go because if you make a big deal out of the little stuff they will find a way to hide it and then you'll never be alert to the big stuff.

+1

Exactly

Sorry I completely disagree. If I knew my kid was sending texts like that, the phone would be taken away and I would hope that of my parent friends saw a text they would tell me. I occasionally look at texts from time to time and my kids know I do. The phone is mine and it’s their price ledge to have it. It is not the keys to the kingdom. They will see mistakes but how can they be corrected if no one is watching?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal and I'd advise you let it go because if you make a big deal out of the little stuff they will find a way to hide it and then you'll never be alert to the big stuff.

+1

Exactly

Sorry I completely disagree. If I knew my kid was sending texts like that, the phone would be taken away and I would hope that of my parent friends saw a text they would tell me. I occasionally look at texts from time to time and my kids know I do. The phone is mine and it’s their price ledge to have it. It is not the keys to the kingdom. They will see mistakes but how can they be corrected if no one is watching?

There is one mom in DS’s group who routinely texts and calls the other parents to report language. They are all saying the typical things reported here. Most parents are polite and I always tell her thanks for letting me know. Then DH and I talk about how she can’t deal with the kids getting older and how we can’t believe she’s contacting parents over this. The boys don’t hang out at that house anymore. That’s a good idea for everyone involved. Please tell me if my kid is being mean to others or doing something really bad. You don’t need to tell me you overheard or saw the F word while a group of middle schoolers where talking or texting amongst themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal and I'd advise you let it go because if you make a big deal out of the little stuff they will find a way to hide it and then you'll never be alert to the big stuff.

+1

Exactly

Sorry I completely disagree. If I knew my kid was sending texts like that, the phone would be taken away and I would hope that of my parent friends saw a text they would tell me. I occasionally look at texts from time to time and my kids know I do. The phone is mine and it’s their price ledge to have it. It is not the keys to the kingdom. They will see mistakes but how can they be corrected if no one is watching?

There is one mom in DS’s group who routinely texts and calls the other parents to report language. They are all saying the typical things reported here. Most parents are polite and I always tell her thanks for letting me know. Then DH and I talk about how she can’t deal with the kids getting older and how we can’t believe she’s contacting parents over this. The boys don’t hang out at that house anymore. That’s a good idea for everyone involved. Please tell me if my kid is being mean to others or doing something really bad. You don’t need to tell me you overheard or saw the F word while a group of middle schoolers where talking or texting amongst themselves.

Put it in context for us. What age is DS's group?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember swearing at school around this age and the group of kids involved are not in school together at the moment and not living close enough to physically meet up and hang out. It’s a group text situation and I may be the only parent monitoring. Well, I am taking a peek every now and again. I corrected my child for this but part of me feels like this is just normal for this age group but is it? Cell phones weren’t a thing when I was in middle school so I don’t exactly know how I would’ve been acting.


Swear words are just words. Let it go Mom! You just admitted you swore. As long as your kids know when it is appropriate and when it isn't than you are too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would nip that in the bud. Bad language is a hard habit to break and the way we speak (and type) informs other peoples' impression of us. I know a lot of people think it is the age but as a middle school teacher I think you need to reel that language in. I am pretty appalled at all the posters here who think it is okay to curse, and who aren't blinking an eye at a 6th or 7th grader cursing. Yikes.

"Bad" language? Are you a Victian schoolmarm? They're just words. And any busybody who has a bad "impression" of someone who uses occasional, well-chosen swear words is someone not worth bothering to get to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would nip that in the bud. Bad language is a hard habit to break and the way we speak (and type) informs other peoples' impression of us. I know a lot of people think it is the age but as a middle school teacher I think you need to reel that language in. I am pretty appalled at all the posters here who think it is okay to curse, and who aren't blinking an eye at a 6th or 7th grader cursing. Yikes.

"Bad" language? Are you a Victian schoolmarm? They're just words. And any busybody who has a bad "impression" of someone who uses occasional, well-chosen swear words is someone not worth bothering to get to know.

*Victorian, obviously. I need to learn to proofread when annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to any MS teacher. They will tell you it's fine.

The kids are practicing/trying it out amongst friends. In ES, they listened to you and didn't repear the bad words. Now they are getting older, rebelling a little.

As long as they understand amongst friends, fine. With adults, NEVER.

LOL. Except for the post directly above yours, where a MS teacher is clutching her proverbial pearls about Those Evil Bad Words.

Ignore the nonsense, OP. Your kid is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal and I'd advise you let it go because if you make a big deal out of the little stuff they will find a way to hide it and then you'll never be alert to the big stuff.

+1

Exactly

Sorry I completely disagree. If I knew my kid was sending texts like that, the phone would be taken away and I would hope that of my parent friends saw a text they would tell me. I occasionally look at texts from time to time and my kids know I do. The phone is mine and it’s their price ledge to have it. It is not the keys to the kingdom. They will see mistakes but how can they be corrected if no one is watching?

There is one mom in DS’s group who routinely texts and calls the other parents to report language. They are all saying the typical things reported here. Most parents are polite and I always tell her thanks for letting me know. Then DH and I talk about how she can’t deal with the kids getting older and how we can’t believe she’s contacting parents over this. The boys don’t hang out at that house anymore. That’s a good idea for everyone involved. Please tell me if my kid is being mean to others or doing something really bad. You don’t need to tell me you overheard or saw the F word while a group of middle schoolers where talking or texting amongst themselves.

Put it in context for us. What age is DS's group?

Middle school. They are 13 and 14.

[Anonymous]

Mine leaves his phone lying around so I’ve taken a look at his texts. When I saw “ her pussy is so fine” I had him sitting in front of me in ten seconds. He explained it away by saying “well I heard that”.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I believe it is normal. Normal is not always good.

It is not the swearing that bothers me so much but all the racial slurs (n word is appalingly common), and homophobic slurs (odd given the penchant this age group now has for declaring themselves to be non binary, transgender, bisexual etc.) .

11 year gap between our kids snd it is way way worse now than it was 11 years ago. I am sure it is connected to the explosion of social media that is often superficial, vulgar and mean spirited.

Like everyone else, I am trying to keep communication channels open during this ongoing pandemic. We have relaxed a lot of rules related to computer use and social media. Right now, it is more important that young people feel connected However, I continually talk to my 13 dd about words being important and to choose respectful language. Maybe one day it will sink in. For now, given mental health issues and isolation among young people, just helping my teen to get through a very rough uncertain time is my priority.