Kiss-ass parents

[Anonymous]

This has been very common in our experience. Certain kids get preferred treatment because the parents kiss a$$ constantly. This is even more apparent if the coach also trains kids or has a side business, which most do. It's all a game. The kids who do "extra" training with the coach and just so happen pay their coach to train more are treated differently.

We do extra training, but I like my kids to hear from many different coaches and have different experiences instead of just one. God forbid you don't do the extra training, camps, trips etc that your coach puts on. Some parents push a lot of business to their coach through their training businesses and those kids are always treated differently. If you cut the kid, or piss of the parents, it will cost you many thousands of dollars every year so the coaches have a financial interest in making sure an inferior player keeps up. We have one parent who really pushes business to the coach, like a lot. Before and after every game he is over there talking with the coach - It's incredibly annoying to watch. It always starts with a plug on how they just gave the coaches info to someone for training and then get quickly into their own self interests. It's crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has been very common in our experience. Certain kids get preferred treatment because the parents kiss a$$ constantly. This is even more apparent if the coach also trains kids or has a side business, which most do. It's all a game. The kids who do "extra" training with the coach and just so happen pay their coach to train more are treated differently.

We do extra training, but I like my kids to hear from many different coaches and have different experiences instead of just one. God forbid you don't do the extra training, camps, trips etc that your coach puts on. Some parents push a lot of business to their coach through their training businesses and those kids are always treated differently. If you cut the kid, or piss of the parents, it will cost you many thousands of dollars every year so the coaches have a financial interest in making sure an inferior player keeps up. We have one parent who really pushes business to the coach, like a lot. Before and after every game he is over there talking with the coach - It's incredibly annoying to watch. It always starts with a plug on how they just gave the coaches info to someone for training and then get quickly into their own self interests. It's crazy.

VDA parent (s).

[Anonymous]

This is even more apparent if the coach also trains kids or has a side business, which most do. It's all a game. The kids who do "extra" training with the coach and just so happen pay their coach to train more are treated differently.

Yeah, I find it strange that parents can pay extra to have their kids' coach do additional individual training. We have hired a coach from my son's club to work with him individually, but he coaches a team a year below my son's team, not my son's team (he was never my son's coach). I didn't even think it would be allowed to hire your own coach, but I guess it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My god!! When does it stop?!

My oldest is U16, youngest U13. We suffered at some Clubs where the parents currying favor were at insane levels.

It hasn’t stopped. Both teams have a dad that has self-appointed him assistant coach and in charge of the Coach’s refreshments—-even handing them out during the game.

We arrived early to the U13 game where “Coach” dad was giving real Coacj his assessment of the team and how they play and where kids should play. Of course, with his kid (not even a top 5-8 player on team) as starring role.

And this sh@t actually works. Kid starts every game—though usually pulled out after 15 min for better player that plays rest of game. But it does a psych # on kids when they see these kids with kiss @ss dads be the 1 player to move up or start on first team even when they aren’t one of the top players.

It is less so on elite teams—but to my dismay it still happens.

Makes me laugh too since so many of these dads never played the game or did so at a low level. I have to sit here as a D1, National club team player, Gatorade state player and bite my tongue.

I’m not paying $3k/year for my kid to be coached by dipsh@t Coach dad.

It doesn't stop, even in high school. There are moms that demand their DC, who barely show up for practice, to be in the "first boat" for crew, and are shocked and appalled, when (another) coach finally steps in and puts them where they belong, in the third or fourth boat. Not only is the dad embarrassed and humiliated, but the DC rower is too! Some moms need a hobby, other than tanning. It disrupts the team and should be grounds for dismissal from the team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is even more apparent if the coach also trains kids or has a side business, which most do. It's all a game. The kids who do "extra" training with the coach and just so happen pay their coach to train more are treated differently.

Yeah, I find it strange that parents can pay extra to have their kids' coach do additional individual training. We have hired a coach from my son's club to work with him individually, but he coaches a team a year below my son's team, not my son's team (he was never my son's coach). I didn't even think it would be allowed to hire your own coach, but I guess it is.

It happens all the time. We avoid the coach for extra training, and not because he a bad trainer, but why would you do extra training with someone who already trains your kid 3-4 days a week? I think getting different perspectives and guidance is helpful, but most on our team do not do that because they want to be in favor (pay extra money) with the coach. It gives them an avenue to communicate and socialize with the coach alone outside of the team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a coach, I’d estimate about 1/2 of parents are contacting coaches to opine about their kid and, eventually, it slides into commentary on the team as a whole, other players, etc. And it’s markedly worse than 5-10 years ago. Unfortunately, I see a lot of coaches who - possibly unintentionally - acquiesce to the parent’s demands/“suggestions”.

When you say "opine", what do you mean? I approach my DS' coach about my son once a year about 1/3 of the way through the season - but just to ask how he's doing, what he should be focusing on, and what reasonable expectations should be as far as recruiting goals. Are you including this sort of behaviour, or is this people trying to tell the coach that their kid should be used differently?

Nothing wrong with that. It’s parents with “my kid is better at position X”, “my kid doesn’t want to play position X”, “my kid should be practicing/playing with the A team”, “player X [not their kid] hasn’t been scoring much at Striker, they might be better as a Center Back”...And you see it where the parent’s kid gets the opportunity with the A team, even if they aren’t the most deserving kid. Unfortunately, especially in the current climate, clubs and coaches are responsive to it because they don’t want players leaving.

Both team managers kids on my son’s U16 team. They aren’t even in the top 5 of best players on the team. Not even close.

I think this definitely happens. However it is also true that many parents do not know enough about soccer to reliably know which kids "should" be starting. I'm not just talking about the inbuilt bias every parent has towards their own kid, but a genuine inability to see and understand what the coach sees when he looks at a soccer player. This remains true at all levels of kids' soccer - as the kids get better the parents tend to know and see more, but it gets harder to distinguish between two talented kids. Parents can see speed, one-on-one wins, and they can see goals and assists easily enough - but it's harder to pick up on things like first touch, and soft feet and I would guess that very few parents can reliably assess off the ball movement, awareness and decision-making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Team managers are the worst for this

Wow. I have been the team manager for my son's teams for the past 5 years, because not one single other person was willing to do it. We had no one volunteer, and the coaches had to send out multiple emails begging someone to step up. I haven't asked for anything special for my son, or offered the coach anything beyond dealing with tons of scheduling issues with other teams and searching for an arranging for the guest players that the coach needed or requested from me. If you are that unhappy with the team managers of your child's team, I suggest that you step up and volunteer yourself.

This makes no sense. No one said they were unhappy with their team manager. Being team manager doesn't mean your kid should get undeserved preferential treament.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has been very common in our experience. Certain kids get preferred treatment because the parents kiss a$$ constantly. This is even more apparent if the coach also trains kids or has a side business, which most do. It's all a game. The kids who do "extra" training with the coach and just so happen pay their coach to train more are treated differently.

We do extra training, but I like my kids to hear from many different coaches and have different experiences instead of just one. God forbid you don't do the extra training, camps, trips etc that your coach puts on. Some parents push a lot of business to their coach through their training businesses and those kids are always treated differently. If you cut the kid, or piss of the parents, it will cost you many thousands of dollars every year so the coaches have a financial interest in making sure an inferior player keeps up. We have one parent who really pushes business to the coach, like a lot. Before and after every game he is over there talking with the coach - It's incredibly annoying to watch. It always starts with a plug on how they just gave the coaches info to someone for training and then get quickly into their own self interests. It's crazy.

VDA parent (s).

FCV Parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a coach, I’d estimate about 1/2 of parents are contacting coaches to opine about their kid and, eventually, it slides into commentary on the team as a whole, other players, etc. And it’s markedly worse than 5-10 years ago. Unfortunately, I see a lot of coaches who - possibly unintentionally - acquiesce to the parent’s demands/“suggestions”.

When you say "opine", what do you mean? I approach my DS' coach about my son once a year about 1/3 of the way through the season - but just to ask how he's doing, what he should be focusing on, and what reasonable expectations should be as far as recruiting goals. Are you including this sort of behaviour, or is this people trying to tell the coach that their kid should be used differently?

Nothing wrong with that. It’s parents with “my kid is better at position X”, “my kid doesn’t want to play position X”, “my kid should be practicing/playing with the A team”, “player X [not their kid] hasn’t been scoring much at Striker, they might be better as a Center Back”...And you see it where the parent’s kid gets the opportunity with the A team, even if they aren’t the most deserving kid. Unfortunately, especially in the current climate, clubs and coaches are responsive to it because they don’t want players leaving.

Both team managers kids on my son’s U16 team. They aren’t even in the top 5 of best players on the team. Not even close.

I think this definitely happens. However it is also true that many parents do not know enough about soccer to reliably know which kids "should" be starting. I'm not just talking about the inbuilt bias every parent has towards their own kid, but a genuine inability to see and understand what the coach sees when he looks at a soccer player. This remains true at all levels of kids' soccer - as the kids get better the parents tend to know and see more, but it gets harder to distinguish between two talented kids. Parents can see speed, one-on-one wins, and they can see goals and assists easily enough - but it's harder to pick up on things like first touch, and soft feet and I would guess that very few parents can reliably assess off the ball movement, awareness and decision-making.

Maybe, but I would suggest many coaches do not know enough about children to reliably know how to engage and coach the kids. Most of the younger coaches around here have little to no understanding of how to teach soccer concepts, age approrpiate teaching techniques or kid growth and maturity. Many of the coaches are getting things wrong a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a coach, I’d estimate about 1/2 of parents are contacting coaches to opine about their kid and, eventually, it slides into commentary on the team as a whole, other players, etc. And it’s markedly worse than 5-10 years ago. Unfortunately, I see a lot of coaches who - possibly unintentionally - acquiesce to the parent’s demands/“suggestions”.

When you say "opine", what do you mean? I approach my DS' coach about my son once a year about 1/3 of the way through the season - but just to ask how he's doing, what he should be focusing on, and what reasonable expectations should be as far as recruiting goals. Are you including this sort of behaviour, or is this people trying to tell the coach that their kid should be used differently?

Nothing wrong with that. It’s parents with “my kid is better at position X”, “my kid doesn’t want to play position X”, “my kid should be practicing/playing with the A team”, “player X [not their kid] hasn’t been scoring much at Striker, they might be better as a Center Back”...And you see it where the parent’s kid gets the opportunity with the A team, even if they aren’t the most deserving kid. Unfortunately, especially in the current climate, clubs and coaches are responsive to it because they don’t want players leaving.

Both team managers kids on my son’s U16 team. They aren’t even in the top 5 of best players on the team. Not even close.

I think this definitely happens. However it is also true that many parents do not know enough about soccer to reliably know which kids "should" be starting. I'm not just talking about the inbuilt bias every parent has towards their own kid, but a genuine inability to see and understand what the coach sees when he looks at a soccer player. This remains true at all levels of kids' soccer - as the kids get better the parents tend to know and see more, but it gets harder to distinguish between two talented kids. Parents can see speed, one-on-one wins, and they can see goals and assists easily enough - but it's harder to pick up on things like first touch, and soft feet and I would guess that very few parents can reliably assess off the ball movement, awareness and decision-making.

OP’s credentials indicate he/she does have that level of soccer knowledge.

I find it’s the ones with zero soccer playing/coaching —or just rec, low level travel or jv Hs soccer that are the worst offenders.

[Anonymous]

^OP here. thanks. I notice the kids that have zero off the ball knowledge, sloppy touch, not knowing when to pass or dribble, not taking space, etc. The ones that don’t know where to move/shift or make runs.

Definitely in the minority on the sidelines. But dad was a high level coach for 22 years. And all of us played at very elite levels.

I bite my tongue a lot.

[Anonymous]

Really just one more facet of the terrible "pay to play" system ...

[Anonymous]

Team managers are the worst for this


Wow. I have been the team manager for my son's teams for the past 5 years, because not one single other person was willing to do it. We had no one volunteer, and the coaches had to send out multiple emails begging someone to step up. I haven't asked for anything special for my son, or offered the coach anything beyond dealing with tons of scheduling issues with other teams and searching for an arranging for the guest players that the coach needed or requested from me. If you are that unhappy with the team managers of your child's team, I suggest that you step up and volunteer yourself.



This makes no sense. No one said they were unhappy with their team manager. Being team manager doesn't mean your kid should get undeserved preferential treament.

To the contrary, people are implying that team managers are big suck ups seeking preferential treatment for their kids. And if people feel that is the case, maybe more of them should volunteer to show those of us currently serving how the job should be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Team managers are the worst for this

Wow. I have been the team manager for my son's teams for the past 5 years, because not one single other person was willing to do it. We had no one volunteer, and the coaches had to send out multiple emails begging someone to step up. I haven't asked for anything special for my son, or offered the coach anything beyond dealing with tons of scheduling issues with other teams and searching for an arranging for the guest players that the coach needed or requested from me. If you are that unhappy with the team managers of your child's team, I suggest that you step up and volunteer yourself.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Team managers are the worst for this

Wow. I have been the team manager for my son's teams for the past 5 years, because not one single other person was willing to do it. We had no one volunteer, and the coaches had to send out multiple emails begging someone to step up. I haven't asked for anything special for my son, or offered the coach anything beyond dealing with tons of scheduling issues with other teams and searching for an arranging for the guest players that the coach needed or requested from me. If you are that unhappy with the team managers of your child's team, I suggest that you step up and volunteer yourself.

+1

OP- I was asked to be team manager when nobody else would do it and I did it for 1 year. I did not use it to get inside info or to talk to the coach. Other than logistics and bringing player cards that was it. I wasn’t at the team bench the entire game or discussing players ability or placement or lobbying for my kid.

I know there are thankless people that take the job and you can tell the difference between them and the ones there for control and to gain access. It’s blatantly obvious. And, unfortunately, the ones with ulterior motives dominate kids’ soccer.