My child attends an elite college. It is overrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's too early to tell or maybe she just didn't capitalize on all the opportunities (I suspect very few do) but it most certainly has not changed her life. The thing I do notice is overall a higher percentage of deeply committed pre-med students than my son's peers at the state flagship. Other than that there's this laughable idea that an elite college is a golden ticket to a $150,000 job offer and a rich spouse and that's just not accurate. The plum six-figure job offers are scarce and go to the connected and elbowy overachievers with perfect grades. And generally the rich socialize with the rich. If you want your child in that orbit they need to be in that orbit by 9th grade at some ritzy prep or boarding school.

I have a niece at Cornell who is close with my daughter and she has had a similar experience. At Cornell the rich are in the rich kid sororities and fraternities.

A few years back we were caught up in the admissions frenzy but in retrospect it seems so nutty. I'm [now] far more impressed with a parent who tells me their kid is at a less selective school but just got into medical school than some Ivy League parent who tells me their ubiquitous kid is going into "consulting" for $60,000 a year or some second rate grad program.

Where did your kid go?

That answer will not forthcoming.. OP will not want to "out" herself of her kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's too early to tell or maybe she just didn't capitalize on all the opportunities (I suspect very few do) but it most certainly has not changed her life. The thing I do notice is overall a higher percentage of deeply committed pre-med students than my son's peers at the state flagship. Other than that there's this laughable idea that an elite college is a golden ticket to a $150,000 job offer and a rich spouse and that's just not accurate. The plum six-figure job offers are scarce and go to the connected and elbowy overachievers with perfect grades. And generally the rich socialize with the rich. If you want your child in that orbit they need to be in that orbit by 9th grade at some ritzy prep or boarding school.

I have a niece at Cornell who is close with my daughter and she has had a similar experience. At Cornell the rich are in the rich kid sororities and fraternities.

A few years back we were caught up in the admissions frenzy but in retrospect it seems so nutty. I'm [now] far more impressed with a parent who tells me their kid is at a less selective school but just got into medical school than some Ivy League parent who tells me their ubiquitous kid is going into "consulting" for $60,000 a year or some second rate grad program.

Your points are valid and you could have chosen to make them and tell this story many other ways which would have been positive and affirming. But the way you chose seems embittered and jealous, and it will be much less effective as a result.

I don't think this person sounds bitter or jealous. I think their objective description of what the "promised land" looks like might be like salve to kids who just learned they will not be going to college there. It might also come across as a cautionary tale to parents and kids who are contemplating unhealthy sacrifices to obtain what they perceive to be a golden ticket. Thank you OP.

I 100% agree with this. OP does not come across bitter or jealous. She is merely making the point that people ignorantly get so caught up in school prestige, and many times the outcome is not much better than going to a school with lower prestige. I always tell people to look at school outcomes with ra grads to getting jobs and starting salaries. Graduating engineers from Cornell are not doing much better than graduating engineers from UMD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's too early to tell or maybe she just didn't capitalize on all the opportunities (I suspect very few do) but it most certainly has not changed her life. The thing I do notice is overall a higher percentage of deeply committed pre-med students than my son's peers at the state flagship. Other than that there's this laughable idea that an elite college is a golden ticket to a $150,000 job offer and a rich spouse and that's just not accurate. The plum six-figure job offers are scarce and go to the connected and elbowy overachievers with perfect grades. And generally the rich socialize with the rich. If you want your child in that orbit they need to be in that orbit by 9th grade at some ritzy prep or boarding school.

I have a niece at Cornell who is close with my daughter and she has had a similar experience. At Cornell the rich are in the rich kid sororities and fraternities.

A few years back we were caught up in the admissions frenzy but in retrospect it seems so nutty. I'm [now] far more impressed with a parent who tells me their kid is at a less selective school but just got into medical school than some Ivy League parent who tells me their ubiquitous kid is going into "consulting" for $60,000 a year or some second rate grad program.

Your points are valid and you could have chosen to make them and tell this story many other ways which would have been positive and affirming. But the way you chose seems embittered and jealous, and it will be much less effective as a result.

I don't think this person sounds bitter or jealous. I think their objective description of what the "promised land" looks like might be like salve to kids who just learned they will not be going to college there. It might also come across as a cautionary tale to parents and kids who are contemplating unhealthy sacrifices to obtain what they perceive to be a golden ticket. Thank you OP.

I 100% agree with this. OP does not come across bitter or jealous. She is merely making the point that people ignorantly get so caught up in school prestige, and many times the outcome is not much better than going to a school with lower prestige. I always tell people to look at school outcomes with ra grads to getting jobs and starting salaries. Graduating engineers from Cornell are not doing much better than graduating engineers from UMD.

UMd engineering is an elite program so bad example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is an athlete at a top university.

75% of his friends are insanely wealthy
He got an internship from a friends mother’s connection

His friends also seem really nice and smart

“Elite” colleges only require 4 classes a semester instead of 5 which is so much easier to manage .

What exactly is so special about the internship? Most people don’t understand there are so many tiers of finance, tech, and consulting. Getting a normal 9-5 job offer or internship from a friend’s parents is a really routine occurrence at hundreds of colleges.

For us he applied to 25+ internships, hired at 1 then it was cancelled. He literally would not have one without the connection. He would be doing summer camps counselor... if they don’t get cancelled again. Also they asked what salary he expected and they offered him double. What even is that? Rich people world.

It routine at rich people lives not ours.

Would you mind sharing what year your child is and/or at least the summer salary you’re talking about. If we’re talking $5k to $10k for an upper classman, I’ll say that’s not really that remarkable. However, if they offered him in the $15k to $20k range, yes, strong offer.

[Anonymous]

I totally could have dated the founder of Dropbox or Facebook but they were both alouf and not that easy to talk to. But I know them and totally proud of their accomplishments.

I also make over 300K per year so no regrets on my degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is an athlete at a top university.

75% of his friends are insanely wealthy
He got an internship from a friends mother’s connection

His friends also seem really nice and smart

“Elite” colleges only require 4 classes a semester instead of 5 which is so much easier to manage .

What exactly is so special about the internship? Most people don’t understand there are so many tiers of finance, tech, and consulting. Getting a normal 9-5 job offer or internship from a friend’s parents is a really routine occurrence at hundreds of colleges.

For us he applied to 25+ internships, hired at 1 then it was cancelled. He literally would not have one without the connection. He would be doing summer camps counselor... if they don’t get cancelled again. Also they asked what salary he expected and they offered him double. What even is that? Rich people world.

It routine at rich people lives not ours.

Would you mind sharing what year your child is and/or at least the summer salary you’re talking about. If we’re talking $5k to $10k for an upper classman, I’ll say that’s not really that remarkable. However, if they offered him in the $15k to $20k range, yes, strong offer.

DP. $20k+ for summer is not unusual from ivies in CS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is an athlete at a top university.

75% of his friends are insanely wealthy
He got an internship from a friends mother’s connection

His friends also seem really nice and smart

“Elite” colleges only require 4 classes a semester instead of 5 which is so much easier to manage .

What exactly is so special about the internship? Most people don’t understand there are so many tiers of finance, tech, and consulting. Getting a normal 9-5 job offer or internship from a friend’s parents is a really routine occurrence at hundreds of colleges.

For us he applied to 25+ internships, hired at 1 then it was cancelled. He literally would not have one without the connection. He would be doing summer camps counselor... if they don’t get cancelled again. Also they asked what salary he expected and they offered him double. What even is that? Rich people world.

It routine at rich people lives not ours.

Would you mind sharing what year your child is and/or at least the summer salary you’re talking about. If we’re talking $5k to $10k for an upper classman, I’ll say that’s not really that remarkable. However, if they offered him in the $15k to $20k range, yes, strong offer.

Rising junior.

Well it’s hourly plus bonuses. 3 months... $32/hr do my quick hourly calc $16K plus bonuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally could have dated the founder of Dropbox or Facebook but they were both alouf and not that easy to talk to. But I know them and totally proud of their accomplishments.

I also make over 300K per year so no regrets on my degree.

Lol no one is proud that Facebook exists

[Anonymous]

My DD got accepted to Cornell this week. The wait period allow us to have more insight of some of recent alumni, and she decided not to attend “suicide school”!
We also watched “college admissions” on Netflix (highly recommend for those who are still deciding)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD got accepted to Cornell this week. The wait period allow us to have more insight of some of recent alumni, and she decided not to attend “suicide school”!
We also watched “college admissions” on Netflix (highly recommend for those who are still deciding)!

No offense, every elite school has major issues with suicide. I had a friend commit suicide by jumping off a bridge. They didn't find his body for 6 months and he didn't leave a note. To this day, everyone wishes we could have done something. He was the first death in many years, but the history is gruesome. Lighting themselves on fire, jumping off buildings, you name it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally could have dated the founder of Dropbox or Facebook but they were both alouf and not that easy to talk to. But I know them and totally proud of their accomplishments.

I also make over 300K per year so no regrets on my degree.

I’m sensing some regrets!

I think this is an interesting topic. One of my kids is at a HYPSM school, and not getting a better education than another that is at an excellent T30 school (or their friend at UMD). But he definitely has more friends who are the children of billionaires and multi-millionaires. Seems kind of funny to care so much about status for your kids’ education if you have already demonstrated to the world every which way that you’ve made it, but maybe they just see the school as another luxury good?

[Anonymous]

What does elite mean here?

Harvard, MIT, Stanford, and perhaps Princeton & Yale are elite.

Cornell, Vanderbilt, Dartmouth, Northwestern, Duke, etc. etc. are not.

And yes, even Harvard/MIT/Stanford/Princeton/Yale won't give your kid a $150k job, wealthy spouse (a 1950's reason to go to a elite school, but okay), and a wealthy, highly-connected friend group off the bat. And thank god for that.

The purpose of top schools is to have top professors and top students to learn from and compete with, and improve oneself in the process. Not a $150k job, wealthy spouse and highly-connected wealthy network.

What these schools do provide beyond the education though is a pedigree that lasts through 40+ years of one's careers, and certainly can come in handy down the line - if you want to use it.

As for the rest - Cornell, Vanderbilt, Dartmouth, Northwestern, Duke, etc., most people do not view these schools to be more "elite" than top state flagships like Berkeley, Michigan, etc. Most will consider these students to either be wealthy dumb kids (too dumb for HYPSM) or top middle-class kids, the same that attend top flagships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does elite mean here?

Harvard, MIT, Stanford, and perhaps Princeton & Yale are elite.

Cornell, Vanderbilt, Dartmouth, Northwestern, Duke, etc. etc. are not.

And yes, even Harvard/MIT/Stanford/Princeton/Yale won't give your kid a $150k job, wealthy spouse (a 1950's reason to go to a elite school, but okay), and a wealthy, highly-connected friend group off the bat. And thank god for that.

The purpose of top schools is to have top professors and top students to learn from and compete with, and improve oneself in the process. Not a $150k job, wealthy spouse and highly-connected wealthy network.

What these schools do provide beyond the education though is a pedigree that lasts through 40+ years of one's careers, and certainly can come in handy down the line - if you want to use it.

As for the rest - Cornell, Vanderbilt, Dartmouth, Northwestern, Duke, etc., most people do not view these schools to be more "elite" than top state flagships like Berkeley, Michigan, etc. Most will consider these students to either be wealthy dumb kids (too dumb for HYPSM) or top middle-class kids, the same that attend top flagships.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does elite mean here?

Harvard, MIT, Stanford, and perhaps Princeton & Yale are elite.

Cornell, Vanderbilt, Dartmouth, Northwestern, Duke, etc. etc. are not.

And yes, even Harvard/MIT/Stanford/Princeton/Yale won't give your kid a $150k job, wealthy spouse (a 1950's reason to go to a elite school, but okay), and a wealthy, highly-connected friend group off the bat. And thank god for that.

The purpose of top schools is to have top professors and top students to learn from and compete with, and improve oneself in the process. Not a $150k job, wealthy spouse and highly-connected wealthy network.

What these schools do provide beyond the education though is a pedigree that lasts through 40+ years of one's careers, and certainly can come in handy down the line - if you want to use it.

As for the rest - Cornell, Vanderbilt, Dartmouth, Northwestern, Duke, etc., most people do not view these schools to be more "elite" than top state flagships like Berkeley, Michigan, etc. Most will consider these students to either be wealthy dumb kids (too dumb for HYPSM) or top middle-class kids, the same that attend top flagships.

Look at this hot take. Did you even go to college? 😂🤣😂

[Anonymous]

These days I hear the big leagues are a better bet for grad school- when all the palm greasing and gifts for undergrads are out of the way. For a first year she should still be very proud she got there on her own, and by soph- jr year it will be a different landscape. Not to mention even the best of them could not offer half the experience it would be without a pandemic. PS plenty of freshmen just hate their first year no matter what- and when they transfer inevitably the next place seems better