Personality Disorder and Boundaries

[Anonymous]

OP, how old is your brother?

[Anonymous]

OP, you have been beyond generous and giving with your brother. I can guarantee that everybody who is urging you to spend more or is telling you that you are cold has absolutely no idea what you are dealing with, but I do. The answer to this is what you already know: boundaries. Your mantra now is “I have given you all that I am willing to give you for this treatment, now you need to figure out how to do the rest. “Say it 1000 more times in your head and then that is what you will say to your brother and his therapist, nothing more. I wish you peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I get it you don't want this to be a money grab.

But a warmer coat? That you can buy pretty cheap go to costco or good will.

I get it those were examples, but the two you put notebooks and a coat are not that big of a deal.

I think what you are saying is you don't want him to keep coming to you for money.

You need an advocate between the two of you. Find some service that can do this and make it easier to communicate.

I am not saying this is not hard or that you need to take many finances from your immediate family, but your brother can not control his illness.

NP here but I’m smiling at the idea of a “service” that would handle tough conversations with difficult/personality-disordered relatives, and serve as a go-between. That doesn’t really exist (outside of therapy), as far as I know, but it should! They would make a bundle. I guess family mediation *might* fall into that category? Is that what you were referring to?

[Anonymous]

Start as you mean to go on.

[Anonymous]

OP, my mentally ill brother died a few days ago. Much like your brother, he was needy and impossible and it never stopped. I gave everything I could to try to help him. And when we buried him, I still felt guilty for every time I got pissed off at him (which was frequent). My only relief now is how desperately I tried to help him. For whatever my opinion is worth, and I say this 100 percent understanding and empathizing how hard it is to have siblings like ours, please give as much and as nicely as you can. His life is hard and he doesn’t want to be this way. You will likely survive him and you deserve as much peace as possible at that point. Trust me on this. Wishing you the best.