DD’s dose of Real Life is a mini-heartbreak for her. Help!

[Anonymous]

This is a valuable life lesson for DD to learn to look through the windshield and not the rear view mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That really sucks. Unfortunately, someone probably forgot, and that led to a bunch of people not knowing and not remembering. With COVID and the election people are so distracted, and she got shortchanged because of it. Also, if her work is mainly PT and summers, she may just not be as "part of the team" as she feels -- I was in this situation myself as a part time working young adult.

It just sucks, but isn't personal. I bet when she doesn't show up again people will feel bad and she may receive something. But don't tell her that, because she also may not.

+1

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe the lack of empathy here. People are allowed to have their feelings hurt and it doesn’t make them snowflakes, it makes them human.

This doesn’t need to turn into a whole discussion on professional expectations or sexism in the workplace. She doesn’t need a lecture or for you to convince her nothing is wrong. (Plus, the notion that women’s feelings are ridiculous and they need to “buck up”.....is sexist).

What she needs is a safe space to talk and for you to listen. These kinds of conversations a important for reducing stress. You don’t need to fix the problem, fix her, or rationalize it away. 99% of the time when I’m upset, I just need to tell someone, know they’re listening, and have them respond with “yea screw that a-hole” so I know they’re on my team.

Read about Gottman’s Stress Reducing Conversation. It’s about how to have these conversations.

https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-stress-reducing-conversation/

[Anonymous]

Just listen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a lot of good advice in this thread about being a professional -- managing expectations, reading a room, making needs known, understanding how priorities shift, recognizing your replaceability, etc. I'd compile it and share it with her. Retail and service industry jobs usually give people a dose of perspective that your daughter doesn't seem to have gained.

Please post a link to the thread?

[Anonymous]

I think that sucks, OP! Not the card and cupcake, but that nobody said a proper goodbye! Of course, this might be due to the transient nature of retail employees, COVID reducing general employee chitchat, and the fact that your daughter didn’t herself hype the departure.

If I were you, I would tell her it sucks but to shrug it off, explaining the above mitigating factors. I would also write her a short humorous card and either make/pick up her favorite dinner or get a (very) small gift by way of celebration. It’s nice for us to acknowledge our loved ones’ milestones even in a global pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Aww...I remember feeling that way when I was in my early twenties and leaving my first job. In retrospect, I really wasn’t very good at my job. I showed up (most of the time), and did enough not to get fired, but I didn’t exactly go above and beyond.
When I look at jobs where I have been celebrated and people were sad when I left, or I have participated in celebrating others who were leaving, those people were excellent at their jobs and truly were going to be missed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a lot of good advice in this thread about being a professional -- managing expectations, reading a room, making needs known, understanding how priorities shift, recognizing your replaceability, etc. I'd compile it and share it with her. Retail and service industry jobs usually give people a dose of perspective that your daughter doesn't seem to have gained.

Please post a link to the thread?

This thread. The very thread you're reading right now. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/923917.page. It's thread-ception!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience it is usually the person leaving/having the birthday who brings the cupcakes. Unless it's the boss and then her assistant might be the one organizing the cake for her.

And then others come and bring a card/flowers/gift.

Never heard of this. Are you sure you aren’t thinking about the mom bringing cupcakes for the school class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what she was expecting them to do for her. Cupcakes? Really? For leaving a retail job?

Would it be different if it wasn't retail? Read the original post. They do it all the time.

How many of those were DD herself helpful with organizing and planning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact no one said anything means folks were busy and forgot it was her last day. It’s not a reflection on her value, it is more due to timing (as others have said there is often one person who plans these things). It may also be because she is an introvert. She probably was not talking a lot about leaving. The more social folks make it obvious their last day is coming up.

Also, it is possible she has made comments about how being the center of attention is uncomfortable, and they avoided planning something because they thought she did not want anything.

Although it's possible DD isn't an easy person to work with or not well liked, the most likely reason BY FAR is covid.

[Anonymous]

It stinks OP. Some people have left my work over the last 8 months and didn't get the usual fanfare. I'll be honest. There are two reasons and both probably apply here

1. We've all been super stressed with Covid and understaffing. Everyone is miserable at work. No one is planning anything fun (we usually have themed monthly pot lucks for example).

2. The quiet ones who don't speak up much and kind of fall into the background don't get paid attention to the same as people who friendlier with the coworkers. With everything else going on, those people's departure dates have definitely been forgotten until the day of when it is brought up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just listen

This! She's disappointed. You don't have to try to fix it for her or make her feel better. She'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

let this be a life lesson to your daughter that sometimes you get what you give and sometimes people are going to be selfish or busy or not able to match your level of consideration. she's never going to see these people again most likely so she doesn't have to dwell on their lack of consideration