DD’s dose of Real Life is a mini-heartbreak for her. Help!

[Anonymous]

She quits and she expects a little party? Welcome to the real world kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly there is usually one individual who does the unpaid emotional labor of organizing this deal and it's usually a woman and it's exploitative. We do not have this deal anymore because I am the only woman in my department and everyone expects me to do it and I refuse. I am not your mother and I am not getting you cupcakes or a baby gift etc.

+11111111111111111

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD21 has worked for a retailer for over 3 years, part time during school, full time summers, and more during COVID. She has found a job in her field, put in two weeks, and had expectations her employers would do something the day she left, which was today. She mentioned that usually one of those oversized cards secretly made rounds and cupcakes were brought out to the break room whenever someone left, and she, an introvert, was anxious for the moment she would have to receive the card. Well, nothing happened and she didn’t even get a goodbye from anyone before she left. She said it was like a normal day and is pretty upset.

She called briefly to tell me and is out with her boyfriend now. I don’t even know what to say when she gets home. As a grown adult, I’m like good riddance, but I want to be empathetic without treating her like a snowflake. Any ideas?

To me, this is the real life lesson.

Most hurts, disappointments, misunderstandings, envies, etc. Are based on one side’s expectations of the other. Probably one of the most valuable lessons you can learn is to not have too many Expectations, and not to do x only to expect y. Or, if you expect y, you have to be ready to speak up about it.

And as PP pointed out, introverts Don’t get the parties and nice things. It’s the social equivalent of resting bitch face, and people think you don’t care either way.

[Anonymous]

OP you and your daughter need a reality check.

Given what is going on in the world. Get a grip.

Talk to your daughter about becoming a better human because apparently you messed up. Self centered and spoiled comes to mind.

[Anonymous]

OP, there's a lot of good advice in this thread about being a professional -- managing expectations, reading a room, making needs known, understanding how priorities shift, recognizing your replaceability, etc. I'd compile it and share it with her. Retail and service industry jobs usually give people a dose of perspective that your daughter doesn't seem to have gained.

[Anonymous]

1. If you talk to her the way you write, then YOU are part of the problem. She quit a job and didn't get a party and thinks this is a "heartbreak"?
2. If you think YOU are supposed to soothe a 21 yr old's feelings, you are coddling her and not letting her develop her own coping skills.

Maybe, despite working there 3 years, she was annoying, or difficult and so they're relieved she's left.
Maybe because of COVID, nobody thought of a party.

Regardless of the reason, she clearly already vented to you since you know about it, she surely vented to her boyfriend, so encourage her to be over it. When she gets in ask "Have a nice time with Dylan?" and if she says "No because I was so sad about not getting cupcakes after leaving the Gap" then you need to tell her "You need to move on from this. Shit happens. Let it go." and if she says "Yeah, we went on a walk and found a waterfall and talked and I feel a lot better about the job thing," just say "Good, I'm glad." Then ask what Dylan is doing for Thanksgiving or otherwise keep the conversation moving, and don't bring up the old job.

[Anonymous]

I'm a little head tilty on the whole thing. The daughter for taking it so hard, and the OP for wanting to coddle her.

[Anonymous]

take her to dinner- celebrate her exiting retail

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly there is usually one individual who does the unpaid emotional labor of organizing this deal and it's usually a woman and it's exploitative. We do not have this deal anymore because I am the only woman in my department and everyone expects me to do it and I refuse. I am not your mother and I am not getting you cupcakes or a baby gift etc.

Good for your. I hate this dynamic -- I am the only female manager (of three total) and I refuse to be the party planner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you and your daughter need a reality check.

Given what is going on in the world. Get a grip.

Talk to your daughter about becoming a better human because apparently you messed up. Self centered and spoiled comes to mind.

Disagree, I actually think this response lacks perspective. There are lots of good life lessons in this situation, as a PP said, but being sad that you weren't recognized the way others were -- especially if you contributed to that group recognition for others -- can legitimately sting. She's sheltered, not spoiled. And it doesn't matter what else is going on: covid may be the reason they forgot but it doesn't mean her feelings aren't real. You can be sad to miss a party even as you are glad that your life is going well.

[Anonymous]

I think you could probably point to this thread as an example of how rude and selfish people are, in real life.

I'm so sorry for your daughter, hopefully if you explain that this isn't about her, it's likely about Covid and people being stressed, not wanting to touch the same things, gather in small groups, and eat together, that may make it easier on her. But she has a new job, make sure you celebrate that with her!

[Anonymous]

To be fair she did watch 3 years worth of people get celebrations and she didn't even get a sorry-but-covid acknowledgment. That's crappy. It's like buying all your friends birthday gifts on their days and having them ignore you on your birthday

[Anonymous]

In my experience it is usually the person leaving/having the birthday who brings the cupcakes. Unless it's the boss and then her assistant might be the one organizing the cake for her.

And then others come and bring a card/flowers/gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: When she gets in ask "Have a nice time with Dylan?" and if she says "No because I was so sad about not getting cupcakes after leaving the Gap" then you need to tell her "You need to move on from this. Shit happens. Let it go."

I'm awful, but something about cupcakes and The Gap made me LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: When she gets in ask "Have a nice time with Dylan?" and if she says "No because I was so sad about not getting cupcakes after leaving the Gap" then you need to tell her "You need to move on from this. Shit happens. Let it go."

I'm awful, but something about cupcakes and The Gap made me LOL.

Me too!