DD’s dose of Real Life is a mini-heartbreak for her. Help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what she was expecting them to do for her. Cupcakes? Really? For leaving a retail job?

Would it be different if it wasn't retail? Read the original post. They do it all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually there is one person in the office who is thoughtful and takes it upon themselves to buy the card, circulate it with any request for gift donations and purchase a gift. That person is probably too overwhelmed and distracted this year to do it. Tell your DD this.

This. People get consumed with other things. There is also a major recession happening and lots of folks are stressed with work and / or home. This doesn’t reflect on your daughter at all, and could he considered a good lesson for her to experience. At best it will strengthen her empathy, and at worst, it will build her independence+confidence.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, as a fellow introvert, I understand. As an old fellow introvert - here is my life advice: you don't get to do both. The introvert doesn't get the parties and surprises. The super social people who cultivate relationships get those. Also, if she isn't close to the person who coordinates all of that stuff, it's not going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD21 has worked for a retailer for over 3 years, part time during school, full time summers, and more during COVID. She has found a job in her field, put in two weeks, and had expectations her employers would do something the day she left, which was today. She mentioned that usually one of those oversized cards secretly made rounds and cupcakes were brought out to the break room whenever someone left, and she, an introvert, was anxious for the moment she would have to receive the card. Well, nothing happened and she didn’t even get a goodbye from anyone before she left. She said it was like a normal day and is pretty upset.

She called briefly to tell me and is out with her boyfriend now. I don’t even know what to say when she gets home. As a grown adult, I’m like good riddance, but I want to be empathetic without treating her like a snowflake. Any ideas?

You and your daughter both "snowflakes"

How about teaching her there are way more important things going on right now.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, that sucks. A first serious job, that isn't babysitting or random yard work, is a big deal to a kid. Remind her how proud you are of her for being hardworking and mature and sticking to a job for three years through school. And assure her that the oversight had to do with circumstances and was almost certainly not a deliberate personal slight. Maybe have a celebratory takeout meal with her instead if she'd enjoy that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, that sucks. A first serious job, that isn't babysitting or random yard work, is a big deal to a kid. Remind her how proud you are of her for being hardworking and mature and sticking to a job for three years through school. And assure her that the oversight had to do with circumstances and was almost certainly not a deliberate personal slight. Maybe have a celebratory takeout meal with her instead if she'd enjoy that.

I second the special takeout meal to celebrate her moving on. I agree with others that likely the person who usually takes this on has enough on their or is not there anymore. You just have to explain this to her and encourage her to not take it personally.

[Anonymous]

That sucks, but it's a good lesson for entering the working world -- no matter how well your employer treats you, you are replaceable, and the only one that cares about you in the workplace is you.

But I would still empathize with her--I understand why she is disappointed and would be also! Maybe get her a card or small gift (eg, flowers) as a good luck for her new job.

[Anonymous]

I think I would be disappointed that no one said good-bye. The cupcakes and the card would have been nice but I think that kind of stuff is on the outs during covid. People just aren't in a mood to celebrate much of anything.

[Anonymous]

The fact no one said anything means folks were busy and forgot it was her last day. It’s not a reflection on her value, it is more due to timing (as others have said there is often one person who plans these things). It may also be because she is an introvert. She probably was not talking a lot about leaving. The more social folks make it obvious their last day is coming up.

Also, it is possible she has made comments about how being the center of attention is uncomfortable, and they avoided planning something because they thought she did not want anything.

[Anonymous]

I could see people stuck working retail forever feeling bad about themselves that you kid got a professional job. She's leaving them behind. There's a pandemic. Everyone is tapped out. Also a good lesson that coworkers are coworkers, not friends. Maybe also an opportunity to teach about expectations. It'll set you up for constant disappointment if you don't explicitly tell people what you want and/or take care of it yourself. Good luck to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact no one said anything means folks were busy and forgot it was her last day. It’s not a reflection on her value, it is more due to timing (as others have said there is often one person who plans these things). It may also be because she is an introvert. She probably was not talking a lot about leaving. The more social folks make it obvious their last day is coming up.

Also, it is possible she has made comments about how being the center of attention is uncomfortable, and they avoided planning something because they thought she did not want anything.

I think this is generally a good lesson to pass on to introverted kids. If you want people to celebrate your birthday or other milestones, you have to let them know, in advance, and talk it up. I am the manager of a small team, and pre-covid, we celebrated milestones monthly (facilitated by me). We still do it over zoom, but it is not the same.

[Anonymous]

Honestly there is usually one individual who does the unpaid emotional labor of organizing this deal and it's usually a woman and it's exploitative. We do not have this deal anymore because I am the only woman in my department and everyone expects me to do it and I refuse. I am not your mother and I am not getting you cupcakes or a baby gift etc.

[Anonymous]

What store? We won’t shop there anymore.

[Anonymous]

That's unfortunate but now it's time for her to move on an enjoy her new job in the field she is interested in. Frankly, I believe in mini-celebrations for people who stay on a job and do something special rather than a party for someone quitting. Wish them the best of luck and that's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sucks, but it's a good lesson for entering the working world -- no matter how well your employer treats you, you are replaceable, and the only one that cares about you in the workplace is you.

But I would still empathize with her--I understand why she is disappointed and would be also! Maybe get her a card or small gift (eg, flowers) as a good luck for her new job.

+1 A good lesson