He has an AP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a small (but vocal) minority of cheated-upon wives who had an active sex life in their marriage.

But going by the numbers, the overwhelmingly large majority of male cheating is in a case of sexless/low sex marriage. OP did not mention her fabulous sex life (and still hasn't weighed in) so the safe assumption this is yet another sexless-marriage-husband-has-AP posting.

Please do cite these "numbers" with which you're so familiar, PP. We'd all love to see the statistics and studies to which you're referring.

We'll wait!

I suspect your numbers come from that long-established institute, the Society of Men Who Are Never At Fault.

Google for "percent of married men who cheat" Answer: 22%
Google for "sexless marriage percent" Answer: 20%
Both groups are the exact same men, with but a handful of exceptions.

Statistics major, I see. NOT.

Men who have erectile dysfunction and can’t get bonors have a sexless marriage, many marriages have a person with an illness that precludes sex. They aren’t in the same two groups, just the sexless one.

Sex addicts have lots of sex —in their marriage, with multiple partners, dating apps, etc. They are t in both groups either - just the sex one.

I know science is hard in 2020.

[Anonymous]

If OP is still around - my only regret from my divorce is not documenting the infidelity. My lawyer told me it wasn't worth it, but I wish I'd just hired a PI and gotten proof.

If you know, and he doesn't know that you know, find a PI and have them get you some proof. Use that to leverage an out-of-court settlement for no spousal support. The pain of finding out will be worth not paying his cheating ass every month for the next 3-7 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just get a divorce.

Don’t waste your time trying to find evidence of infidelity. Nobody cares and it won’t help you in the divorce.

I’m sorry this is happening to you.

+1. Just start the divorce process. No need to make it worse (and worse for yourself too if based on adultery). Just divorce and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just get a divorce.

Don’t waste your time trying to find evidence of infidelity. Nobody cares and it won’t help you in the divorce.

I’m sorry this is happening to you.

I thought this can get me speedy divorce.

It can actually take longer. Divorce this way requires time to gather evidence that can be proven, it is messy and expensive. Easiest is separate immediately and file as soon as you can. It would likely be the same amount of time or faster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would not evidence help me divorce ASAP?
I can’t stand him.

What state?

If he’s having an affair, you can file for divorce immediately (at fault) in Virginia.

Technically, this is true. However, it will likely take 10-11 months to get on the docket. Better to work out an PSA and just do no-fault.

If you want to hire an investigator, they will need photographic multiple evidence of things like public displays of affection and opportunity to have sex, i.e. going into a hotel room together. But this ONLY matters if you (1) want to file for a fault divorce and get it more quickly (see the caveat about the time to get on the docket, so "quickly" is relative); and 2) Avoiding alimony if you are the higher earning spouse and the marriage is a long one. It might affect asset division at the margins, but not a lot. It will have zero effect on custody.

It's much harder to prove since adultery is a crime in Virginia. The burden of proof is necessarily higher. And be careful you don't commit a crime yourself in the meanwhile, i.e. snooping in electronic records, etc. Judges don't look very kindly on wiretapping and you could create criminal exposure for yourself.

Signed, BTDT.

p.s. I got the evidence I needed and left her high and dry on alimony. She had been scheming to pretend to work in the year proceeding the divorce to drive up child support as well, and she got nailed by the judge for that as well. That said, I take care of my kids -- I don't begrudge the child support at all.

Exactly...in theory you can file immediately but in reality it is not going to be immediate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:VA.
Like a good girl I married and left megapolis NYC

You're right, it will help you get a speedy divorce and you won't have to wait a year because of the kids. Infidelity is pretty damn hard to prove though. You damn near need video of them having sex. My ex-H moved in with his AP and posted pictures of them on his social media, my attorney still didn't think it was enough evidence.