DIL and a possible Millennial phrase

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I’ll accept it as a no thank you without the “thank you.” If someone offered to bring me coffee or make me a plate or slice me a piece of pie I would say thank you.

Wait, you'd say thank you, or you'd say, NO, thank you? Are you mad she's turning you down, or mad about how she's doing it?

If I were declining, I’d say no thank you. It signals at least that they were trying to be nice. She makes it sound like I’m worrying, which I am not!

It's an idiom. Do you understand idioms? "Don't worry about it" does not mean "I think you are an over-anxious freak" it means "No, thanks."

Again, YOU are choosing to be offended. Get over yourself. Stop looking for offense, and accept that this is a perfectly ordinary expression which is the equivalent of "no, thanks."

No, it really isn't. It is actually rather rude to be offered a cup of coffee and respond with "don't worry about it". It's vague and doesn't express a shred of politeness. Were you raised by wolves or are you just naturally rude all the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It is also rude to keep offering over and over when it is clear your DIL prefers to get her own coffee and food. It's like you are just doing it for the "thank you" and not caring about her actual comfort, which is obviously serving herself.

This. Its very rude for a host to be constantly offering unnecessary things fishing for gratitude.

Plus to the OP's follow up comment where she expects that if she offers to make someone a plate they must say thank you and take it with joy, just WTF. What grown adult wants another adult to make a plate for them. Adults, teens and older children should all be making their own plates and taking what they want not having MIL decide who eats what and how much.

They should say "yes please" or "no thank you". Nobody said anything about taking anything with joy, WTF. Plenty of grown adults want someone to make a plate for them--that's how you get meals in general, moron. Been to a restaurant?

[Anonymous]

LOL, OP, yes, don't worry about it means I'm okay, no thank you, I'm good, no you don't have to, etc. I wouldn't call it a millennial phrase...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It is also rude to keep offering over and over when it is clear your DIL prefers to get her own coffee and food. It's like you are just doing it for the "thank you" and not caring about her actual comfort, which is obviously serving herself.

This. Its very rude for a host to be constantly offering unnecessary things fishing for gratitude.

Plus to the OP's follow up comment where she expects that if she offers to make someone a plate they must say thank you and take it with joy, just WTF. What grown adult wants another adult to make a plate for them. Adults, teens and older children should all be making their own plates and taking what they want not having MIL decide who eats what and how much.

They should say "yes please" or "no thank you". Nobody said anything about taking anything with joy, WTF. Plenty of grown adults want someone to make a plate for them--that's how you get meals in general, moron. Been to a restaurant?

The first 15 times my overbearing MIL offers me stuff (including my own coffee, that I made, in my own house), I stop with the thank you. Because after a while, she's being rude by not respecting my wishes or boundaries or desires. Back off, OP. Just let her be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were declining, I’d say no thank you. It signals at least that they were trying to be nice. She makes it sound like I’m worrying, which I am not!

It's just a phrase. No one, except you, think it's literally about worrying. But if bothers you, an easy way to get her to stop is just to offer less! It is possible that you are overly intrusive, and it's also possible that she is over concerned about not bothering you. Either way, offering less will lead to fewer of those interactions.

I agree with this. To me it's a tight lipped way of the DIL to tell OP to back off and be less intrusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I’ll accept it as a no thank you without the “thank you.” If someone offered to bring me coffee or make me a plate or slice me a piece of pie I would say thank you.

OP, she is an able bodied person who can do things for herself. Would it make you happier if she said "no, thank you"?

If you would like people to wait on you, let them know. They obviously don't want to be waited on,.and don't want you to have to work during vacation.

[Anonymous]

Having pasta tonight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I’ll accept it as a no thank you without the “thank you.” If someone offered to bring me coffee or make me a plate or slice me a piece of pie I would say thank you.

Wait, you'd say thank you, or you'd say, NO, thank you? Are you mad she's turning you down, or mad about how she's doing it?

If I were declining, I’d say no thank you. It signals at least that they were trying to be nice. She makes it sound like I’m worrying, which I am not!

It's an idiom. Do you understand idioms? "Don't worry about it" does not mean "I think you are an over-anxious freak" it means "No, thanks."

Again, YOU are choosing to be offended. Get over yourself. Stop looking for offense, and accept that this is a perfectly ordinary expression which is the equivalent of "no, thanks."

No, it really isn't. It is actually rather rude to be offered a cup of coffee and respond with "don't worry about it". It's vague and doesn't express a shred of politeness. Were you raised by wolves or are you just naturally rude all the time?

It really is. Personally, I say, "No, thanks," but if someone says, "Don't worry about it," I don't get offended. Because I'm not looking to be offended. Life is SO much nicer when people take things in the best light.

[Anonymous]

You can't win with a MIL. My aunt nagged and nagged to let her son and DIL babysit the grandchildren one night (for like 3 hours) every other week. When they finally said yes, the story line changed into how overworked she was and how her DIL is always making her babysit because she's too cheap to pay for a babysitter.

If you want to get along with your DIL OP, just ignore, turn the other cheek and smile. That's the secret. They might think you're boring, but that's better than any other alternative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in the minority, but I think it's rude to say "don't worry about it" instead of "no, thank you" if someone offers me something to eat or drink. I guess because I had "please" and "thank you" drilled into me as a child. I'm fifty.

I’m 35 and I agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Millennial but I don't think this is particularly unique to my generation? Huh. Maybe it is.

I don't think it is. I'm 41 and say it, along with 'no worries' on occasion. Perhaps OP is from a different country or something.

I'm 46 and say this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in the minority, but I think it's rude to say "don't worry about it" instead of "no, thank you" if someone offers me something to eat or drink. I guess because I had "please" and "thank you" drilled into me as a child. I'm fifty.

I’m 35 and I agree with you.

So what? I mean this seriously. So what? You get to be right, and decide that someone who is not trying to give offense is "rude." What does that get you? A crap relationship with your DIL because you're unwilling to accept that she's using an idiom that means "No, thanks, I'm fine"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in the minority, but I think it's rude to say "don't worry about it" instead of "no, thank you" if someone offers me something to eat or drink. I guess because I had "please" and "thank you" drilled into me as a child. I'm fifty.

I’m 35 and I agree with you.

So what? I mean this seriously. So what? You get to be right, and decide that someone who is not trying to give offense is "rude." What does that get you? A crap relationship with your DIL because you're unwilling to accept that she's using an idiom that means "No, thanks, I'm fine"?

Especially if you've been barraging her with offers and she clearly prefers to do things/get things for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be totally off-base, and perhaps extrapolating from my own MIL, but it sounds like in your effort to be nice, you are constantly hovering and offering. IF this is the case, she might appreciate if you told her that you have plenty of extras and to please let you know if she needs anything, and then back off so both of you can relax.

^^^this!

[Anonymous]

Ugh, hovering types are the worst. Stop offering and jet her move through the day unencumbered.