DIL and a possible Millennial phrase

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I’ll accept it as a no thank you without the “thank you.” If someone offered to bring me coffee or make me a plate or slice me a piece of pie I would say thank you.

Wait, you'd say thank you, or you'd say, NO, thank you? Are you mad she's turning you down, or mad about how she's doing it?

If I were declining, I’d say no thank you. It signals at least that they were trying to be nice. She makes it sound like I’m worrying, which I am not!

[Anonymous]

My mom would never ever consider doing anything for someone else so it would make me feel really uncomfortable. My MIL was very warm and wanted to take care of me and it was a huge shift for me as it was a very different family style.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I’ll accept it as a no thank you without the “thank you.” If someone offered to bring me coffee or make me a plate or slice me a piece of pie I would say thank you.

Maybe DIL wants to decide if she wants a cup of coffee or a slice of pie Unless her arms or legs are broken why would you assume she wouldn't get what she needs?

[Anonymous]

OP, I am in the minority, but I think it's rude to say "don't worry about it" instead of "no, thank you" if someone offers me something to eat or drink. I guess because I had "please" and "thank you" drilled into me as a child. I'm fifty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I’ll accept it as a no thank you without the “thank you.” If someone offered to bring me coffee or make me a plate or slice me a piece of pie I would say thank you.

Wait, you'd say thank you, or you'd say, NO, thank you? Are you mad she's turning you down, or mad about how she's doing it?

If I were declining, I’d say no thank you. It signals at least that they were trying to be nice. She makes it sound like I’m worrying, which I am not!

Just stop offering!

[Anonymous]

I'm solidly Gen X and have never heard anyone say "Don't worry about it" instead of "no thank you." I do say "no worries" but not instead of "no thank you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in the minority, but I think it's rude to say "don't worry about it" instead of "no, thank you" if someone offers me something to eat or drink. I guess because I had "please" and "thank you" drilled into me as a child. I'm fifty.

I'm 14:31. Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I’ll accept it as a no thank you without the “thank you.” If someone offered to bring me coffee or make me a plate or slice me a piece of pie I would say thank you.

Wait, you'd say thank you, or you'd say, NO, thank you? Are you mad she's turning you down, or mad about how she's doing it?

If I were declining, I’d say no thank you. It signals at least that they were trying to be nice. She makes it sound like I’m worrying, which I am not!

It's an idiom. Do you understand idioms? "Don't worry about it" does not mean "I think you are an over-anxious freak" it means "No, thanks."

Again, YOU are choosing to be offended. Get over yourself. Stop looking for offense, and accept that this is a perfectly ordinary expression which is the equivalent of "no, thanks."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I’ll accept it as a no thank you without the “thank you.” If someone offered to bring me coffee or make me a plate or slice me a piece of pie I would say thank you.

Maybe DIL wants to decide if she wants a cup of coffee or a slice of pie Unless her arms or legs are broken why would you assume she wouldn't get what she needs?

This. If this is time #432 that you have hovered and treated her like an invalid or a child, her meaning is not "no thank you," her meaning is BUZZ OFF. So she is actually being restrained and polite. Buzz off and let her live. It's clear she does not want your stifling, overbearing attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were declining, I’d say no thank you. It signals at least that they were trying to be nice. She makes it sound like I’m worrying, which I am not!

It's just a phrase. No one, except you, think it's literally about worrying. But if bothers you, an easy way to get her to stop is just to offer less! It is possible that you are overly intrusive, and it's also possible that she is over concerned about not bothering you. Either way, offering less will lead to fewer of those interactions.

[Anonymous]

I often say it because it is easier for me to make my own coffee than to have someone make it for me. I do think your DIL wants you to stop offering.

I'm close to both MIL and my mom. I would tell my MIL that I've got it or don't worry about it. She would likely start to think I'm a mooch if I said yes constantly and I'd have to tell her how to make my coffee. My mom would have just brought my my coffee without any questions and I'd just say thank you. Sorry! I'm sure it's hard to be a MIL. Go hover on your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in the minority, but I think it's rude to say "don't worry about it" instead of "no, thank you" if someone offers me something to eat or drink. I guess because I had "please" and "thank you" drilled into me as a child. I'm fifty.

This is definitely something that's come about is the last couple decades. There was a thread a while back about cashier's saying "no problem" instead of you're welcome and to me this is the same sentiment. I'm with you OP. I was trained in restaurants to NEVER say "no problem" because it assumes the person was possibly troubling you. Like if you thank me for a coffee refill and I say "no problem" I would be insinuating that yes it's a problem but I'm such a kind waitress that I'm reassuring you that you didn't put me out. It brings the focus to you when it shouldn't be. It's very subtle and I don't think I thought about it until I was trained. Now I will NEVER say no worries or no problem unless maybe someone I know is actually asking me for a true favor. I'm 37 FWIW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I’ll accept it as a no thank you without the “thank you.” If someone offered to bring me coffee or make me a plate or slice me a piece of pie I would say thank you.

Wait, you'd say thank you, or you'd say, NO, thank you? Are you mad she's turning you down, or mad about how she's doing it?

If I were declining, I’d say no thank you. It signals at least that they were trying to be nice. She makes it sound like I’m worrying, which I am not!

Do you not like her? Sounds like you’re looking for reasons to be annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in the minority, but I think it's rude to say "don't worry about it" instead of "no, thank you" if someone offers me something to eat or drink. I guess because I had "please" and "thank you" drilled into me as a child. I'm fifty.

This is definitely something that's come about is the last couple decades. There was a thread a while back about cashier's saying "no problem" instead of you're welcome and to me this is the same sentiment. I'm with you OP. I was trained in restaurants to NEVER say "no problem" because it assumes the person was possibly troubling you. Like if you thank me for a coffee refill and I say "no problem" I would be insinuating that yes it's a problem but I'm such a kind waitress that I'm reassuring you that you didn't put me out. It brings the focus to you when it shouldn't be. It's very subtle and I don't think I thought about it until I was trained. Now I will NEVER say no worries or no problem unless maybe someone I know is actually asking me for a true favor. I'm 37 FWIW

I think now you should refrain yourself to understand what people mean when they say no problem.

Apparently OP (and you?) need to hear the words Thank You to believe that someone is politely appreciating your offer. In fact, in today’s world, there is more than one way to express that sentiment. Be open to accepting the spirit of what is said, even if it isn’t your exact wording. It smoothes relationships. Here OP is, ready to take offense, when none is intended. Why? It will just make things harder on everyone. This is why MIL/DIL relationships become fraught over nothing.

[Anonymous]

It is also rude to keep offering over and over when it is clear your DIL prefers to get her own coffee and food. It's like you are just doing it for the "thank you" and not caring about her actual comfort, which is obviously serving herself.