My friends can't even let their kids pick their own classes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. One friend also plans to track his phone so she knows if he is in class every day. And she was also able to set it up where she will has access to log onto his college email to monitor every message he gets.

Still cool with all of you?

DP. Why are you posting this here? To make you feel like a great parent because you aren't doing that? If this person is your friend, why not say something to them? You get your cookie for your post. Feel better now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After spending some time on a parent Facebook group, none of this surprises me. Parents are way over-involved. I've seen people trying to find roommates for their college seniors! (This is always for "a sweet young man who doesn't drink and loves studying and quiet.")

Before my son picked his freshman classes, I did make sure he had the four-year plan for his major and a list of gen ed. classes handy. For both kids, I check in once in a while to make sure they have been able to get the classes they need to stick to the four-year graduation plan, although one of them feels this is too much intervention.

That’s too much intervention. That’s what their academic advisors are for.

So it's fine for their academic advisor to help but not the parent. I thought this was about independence? If the advisor is fine, the parent is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After spending some time on a parent Facebook group, none of this surprises me. Parents are way over-involved. I've seen people trying to find roommates for their college seniors! (This is always for "a sweet young man who doesn't drink and loves studying and quiet.")

Before my son picked his freshman classes, I did make sure he had the four-year plan for his major and a list of gen ed. classes handy. For both kids, I check in once in a while to make sure they have been able to get the classes they need to stick to the four-year graduation plan, although one of them feels this is too much intervention.

That’s too much intervention. That’s what their academic advisors are for.

So it's fine for their academic advisor to help but not the parent. I thought this was about independence? If the advisor is fine, the parent is fine.

Well, isn't the advisor trained to know the registration process and don't you think they know a little more knowledgeable about the school that the parent? Just a tad?

My mother was smart, but not as knowledgeable as my advisor about the ins and outs of course selection and registration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me this is so sad,.. I was the last of the generation without hand holding. My mom didn’t even know my college grades. Parents now are handicapping their kids due to their own anxieties.

Everyone thinks they were the last of the generation without handholding.

[Anonymous]

I keep asking my rising HS junior what classes he registered for ... I find this thread mind boggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I helped my son register for his classes the summer before his freshman year and even ordered his books. I submitted most of his housing and orientation forms and bought all his dorm items. He was a smart clueless indifferent borderline-slacker 17-year old who just wanted to hang out with his friends and party. We gave him 50-50 odds of making it beyond the first year of college and held our breath when we dropped him off. He changed dramatically in that first year, so he beat our odds. I haven't picked classes or intervened since - beyond paying the bills.

The point is, he had to step up once mommy finally let go.[/quote


NP: That's your interpretation of the point. Equally likely that he would missed out on the preparation that allowed him to have the successful first year and failed. Parents know their kids better than your generic ideals. Obviously they hung back after he demonstrated success, so more evidence on the side they are not overbearing/overcontrolling.

[Anonymous]

College students I think should be independently picking their classes, but if their choices require extra money (ex. delaying graduation), I think they should either consult whoever is funding their education or come up with alternate funding plans.

For High School students, I think parents should have more input. When I was in 9th grade (Jr. High in my district, but grades went on HS transcript), my mom decreed I would take typing. I deeply resented it at the time, but I am so grateful to her and have thanked her countless times. In college, watching many of my peers hunt-and-peck their papers was painful. It's also reassuring to know that I can get an administrative job when needed (at least in non-pandemic times).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some kids mature slower than others.
The kids who don’t need the help won’t let their parents help. The kids who do need coaching or organizational help should benefit from it, because ADHD-type kids can be very successful once they develop the skills.

The goal is to get everyone up to speed, recognizing that different young adults won’t all reach that point at the same time.

Moral: do what you must for family, and understand others are doing the same for theirs.

So the parent does the kids job when the kid graduates from college? If the kid can't do their homework in college should the kid even be in college?

Can you read?

Presumably by the time the kid has graduated from college, they will have matured far more than they were when they graduated high school. Cause you know, that's a 4-years gap.

Some kids absolutely mature faster than others. Boys in particular mature slower than girls.

If your kid is bright but disorganized and needs a helping hand sometimes, to refuse that helping hand means you're not helping them reach their potential once they have matured. It's an idiotic way to look at things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I keep asking my rising HS junior what classes he registered for ... I find this thread mind boggling.

Some parents forget their kid's ages too. Not sure how that it adding to the conversation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. One friend also plans to track his phone so she knows if he is in class every day. And she was also able to set it up where she will has access to log onto his college email to monitor every message he gets.

Still cool with all of you?

Really, really weird.

I think Pink Floyd's "mother" captures it perfectly. Also she needs to make sure some dirty girl doesnt give him meningitis. I think that was a TV ad that alluded to that.

Hush now, baby, baby, don't you cry
Mama's gonna make all of your nightmares come true
Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you
Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing
She won't let you fly, but she might let you sing
Mama's gonna keep baby cozy and warm
Ooh baby, ooh baby, ooh baby
Of course mama's gonna help build the wall
Mother, do you think she's good enough?
For me?
Mother, do you think she's dangerous
To me?

That is a misogynist song if I ever heard one. No, mothers do not ruin their kids' lives with care and protection. Mothers are not dangerous to their kids at all. That song is utter BS and you know it. How come we don't have a song about abusive dad when there are so, so, so many of them? No, moms should not sign their kids for college classes, but all normal parents will look out for their kids for as long as they can. Do you know what kind of parent is the worst? The one that does not care. This is just another example of society putting women down. You are damned if you do, damned how you do, and damned if you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. One friend also plans to track his phone so she knows if he is in class every day. And she was also able to set it up where she will has access to log onto his college email to monitor every message he gets.

Still cool with all of you?

Really, really weird.

I think Pink Floyd's "mother" captures it perfectly. Also she needs to make sure some dirty girl doesnt give him meningitis. I think that was a TV ad that alluded to that.

Hush now, baby, baby, don't you cry
Mama's gonna make all of your nightmares come true
Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you
Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing
She won't let you fly, but she might let you sing
Mama's gonna keep baby cozy and warm
Ooh baby, ooh baby, ooh baby
Of course mama's gonna help build the wall
Mother, do you think she's good enough?
For me?
Mother, do you think she's dangerous
To me?

That is a misogynist song if I ever heard one. No, mothers do not ruin their kids' lives with care and protection. Mothers are not dangerous to their kids at all. That song is utter BS and you know it. How come we don't have a song about abusive dad when there are so, so, so many of them? No, moms should not sign their kids for college classes, but all normal parents will look out for their kids for as long as they can. Do you know what kind of parent is the worst? The one that does not care. This is just another example of society putting women down. You are damned if you do, damned how you do, and damned if you don't.

Hear, Hear!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. One friend also plans to track his phone so she knows if he is in class every day. And she was also able to set it up where she will has access to log onto his college email to monitor every message he gets.

Still cool with all of you?

Really, really weird.

I think Pink Floyd's "mother" captures it perfectly. Also she needs to make sure some dirty girl doesnt give him meningitis. I think that was a TV ad that alluded to that.

Hush now, baby, baby, don't you cry
Mama's gonna make all of your nightmares come true
Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you
Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing
She won't let you fly, but she might let you sing
Mama's gonna keep baby cozy and warm
Ooh baby, ooh baby, ooh baby
Of course mama's gonna help build the wall
Mother, do you think she's good enough?
For me?
Mother, do you think she's dangerous
To me?

That is a misogynist song if I ever heard one. No, mothers do not ruin their kids' lives with care and protection. Mothers are not dangerous to their kids at all. That song is utter BS and you know it. How come we don't have a song about abusive dad when there are so, so, so many of them? No, moms should not sign their kids for college classes, but all normal parents will look out for their kids for as long as they can. Do you know what kind of parent is the worst? The one that does not care. This is just another example of society putting women down. You are damned if you do, damned how you do, and damned if you don't.

I agree with your general point about moms, don’t agree about dads considering there’s plenty of songs and media about screwed up dads, and entirely disagree that the song is misogynistic in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After spending some time on a parent Facebook group, none of this surprises me. Parents are way over-involved. I've seen people trying to find roommates for their college seniors! (This is always for "a sweet young man who doesn't drink and loves studying and quiet.")

Before my son picked his freshman classes, I did make sure he had the four-year plan for his major and a list of gen ed. classes handy. For both kids, I check in once in a while to make sure they have been able to get the classes they need to stick to the four-year graduation plan, although one of them feels this is too much intervention.

That’s too much intervention. That’s what their academic advisors are for.

So it's fine for their academic advisor to help but not the parent. I thought this was about independence? If the advisor is fine, the parent is fine.

Well, isn't the advisor trained to know the registration process and don't you think they know a little more knowledgeable about the school that the parent? Just a tad?

My mother was smart, but not as knowledgeable as my advisor about the ins and outs of course selection and registration.

Some advisors are great, some are bad. I’ve known plenty of students not taking a required class to graduate on time or not hitting prereqs for a particular major. On top of that, this covid year is off. No in person advising or orientation etc. I would never choose classes for them but I did explain the general structure of college and requirements, what credits are etc so DC isn’t clueless going in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. One friend also plans to track his phone so she knows if he is in class every day. And she was also able to set it up where she will has access to log onto his college email to monitor every message he gets.

Still cool with all of you?

Really, really weird.

I think Pink Floyd's "mother" captures it perfectly. Also she needs to make sure some dirty girl doesnt give him meningitis. I think that was a TV ad that alluded to that.

Hush now, baby, baby, don't you cry
Mama's gonna make all of your nightmares come true
Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you
Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing
She won't let you fly, but she might let you sing
Mama's gonna keep baby cozy and warm
Ooh baby, ooh baby, ooh baby
Of course mama's gonna help build the wall
Mother, do you think she's good enough?
For me?
Mother, do you think she's dangerous
To me?

That is a misogynist song if I ever heard one. No, mothers do not ruin their kids' lives with care and protection. Mothers are not dangerous to their kids at all. That song is utter BS and you know it. How come we don't have a song about abusive dad when there are so, so, so many of them? No, moms should not sign their kids for college classes, but all normal parents will look out for their kids for as long as they can. Do you know what kind of parent is the worst? The one that does not care. This is just another example of society putting women down. You are damned if you do, damned how you do, and damned if you don't.

I agree with your general point about moms, don’t agree about dads considering there’s plenty of songs and media about screwed up dads, and entirely disagree that the song is misogynistic in any way.

So mom should not keep babies cozy and warm? It says babies, not teens. This is nothing but a rhyme about that nonsense that strong women emasculate their sons. I don't recall any women singers in Pink Floyd.

[Anonymous]

Before my son picked his freshman classes, I did make sure he had the four-year plan for his major and a list of gen ed. classes handy. For both kids, I check in once in a while to make sure they have been able to get the classes they need to stick to the four-year graduation plan, although one of them feels this is too much intervention.


That’s too much intervention. That’s what their academic advisors are for.

In my son's case, he had to register for his first semester classes during beach week and almost 6 weeks before his advisor appointment at summer orientation (by which point all the classes and waitlists are full). I didn't think it was too helicopter-y to send him off to the hotel with easy access to a list of first year requirements. I have no idea if he looked at it or if he registered during his appointed time. As a 17 year old with ADHD he was the one who thought this was "too much."