Men... in a casual relationship is this text too forward or just right?

[Anonymous]

Is it just me.....??!.....

But I usually do not wish my FWBs a Happy Birthday.

Or a Merry Christmas for that matter.

But yes your text is everything any man would love to receive.

I find that strange. It's not a romantic relationship but if I didn't like him as a person I wouldn't be involved in anything with him at all. No need.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you send him a teddies pic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are putting this much thought into this text to the guy, you're more into him than a casual fling.

That was my thinking, too. Be careful with your heart, OP.

+1,000 If he were truly just a FWB to you, you wouldn't care so much. But you are specifically worried about how he perceives you. In a truly casual relationship, you don't worry about things being forward or not because, oh, well, if he misinterprets it, who cares.

Has he texted you, OP? If he hasn't expressed any desire to see you or remorse that you haven't been able to see each other, then he truly sees you as just a FWB. He'll probably love the flirty text, though, because men love validation, especially when there's no expectation of them to have a relationship.

If you do have feelings for him, you're going to get hurt, especially if you find out he's been online dating other women the past couple of months and possibly actually dating them now.

[Anonymous]

I'm the poster above, and I just now read the OP's follow up that she's 50 and has been divorced for 7 years, but he's recently divorced and has history with her.

Now I'm convinced OP has feelings for him. Basically, he got in touch with OP because he's recently divorced and needs a quick source of validation.

But I still think OP has feelings for him because no one worries about the wording of texts for someone they're not emotionally invested in. OP may not want marriage with this guy because he has kids, but she wants to be on his mind all summer. That's not a FWB thing. If she really was only into him for the sex, she'd want to see him for the sex and wouldn't care if he thought about her while she's away or not.

OP is deluding herself. She wants him to pine for her all summer. That's not FWB territory.

[Anonymous]

So I'm in my early 40s, female, divorced, full-time single mom. I've had a great FWB (he's 45, divorced, no kids) for the last year. It's my first time in such an arrangement. The sex is mindblowing, we genuinely like each other's company and our "relationship" is based on safety, honesty, reliability and respect. We generally see each other once a week or once every other week (this was pre-COVID).

I agree that it can be difficult to maintain a long-term FWB, especially with the often female (but sometimes male) tendency to "catch feelings". It's rare to be aligned with a FWB in terms of desires and expectations over the long term, which is something that my friend and I have talked about sometimes. The reason that it works in my case comes down to a few key things:

1. I'm not looking for a partner at this point in time, have no desire to remarry or have another child. Same in his case. If I wanted those things, I would definitely not be wasting my time with him. In this this, I think OP and I are similar.

2. He has way too many deal breakers for me to ever consider him as any kind of serious contender. This is super important, because great sex and the hormones associated with that can make us get carried away, especially if there's alcohol and/or weed involved. It sounds like OP's got the same thing going on, in terms of her dude's kids being a dealbreaker.

3. There is a genuine friendship, which has actually developed a lot further during the quarantine as we've been unable to see each other. But we regularly text (more often than not it's sexting, but also plenty of joke sharing, food photos, etc.) and have video'd a couple of times, just like I would do with a regular friend. As such I have no stress about how to communicate with him, how often, etc. OP, your nervousness about a simple text communication suggests that you don't have true friendship in your situation, despite knowing the guy for 25 years. If you've barely communicated during the quarantine, that indicates the same in my mind. So you have to decide if you're OK to just have a sporadic f*ckboy (because that's what it sounds like this) who you're unsure how to communicate with. A true FWB is something else.

[Anonymous]

Honey! What are you doing? Have some self respect and walk away from this dead end relationship. Go find something of value for yourself and stop wasting your time on a FWB.