What's it like to be old and know that you don't have that many years left?

[Anonymous]

I’m 53 but have always felt I will die at 84 (??). But with my Covid cases I have been made glaringly aware that I will be lucky to do so.
Be who you want to be NOW.
I’ve heard heartbreaking stories fine one day dead a week later. Much younger than me.

[Anonymous]

No matter what your age tomorrow could be your last day so enjoy today. A long life lived well is a gift. At 70 my only regret is that my grandchildren are all so young that I will unlikely enjoy watching them get married and become parents. But right now I’m enjoying every minute I have with them and just hope that they remember the times they spent with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No matter what your age tomorrow could be your last day so enjoy today. A long life lived well is a gift. At 70 my only regret is that my grandchildren are all so young that I will unlikely enjoy watching them get married and become parents. But right now I’m enjoying every minute I have with them and just hope that they remember the times they spent with me.

Take videos! At least it’s so easy these days. Record stories for them. I promise they will watch them as adults. Oh how I wish my grandparents left me stories of their youth in pre-WWII Europe or even war stories (one grandparent was a RAF pilot!) , or stories about my own parents’ childhoods.

[Anonymous]

We are all alive for the same amount of time -- the present moment. That's it.

[Anonymous]

I am 57 w/ medical condition. Yes, I do think about it but, surprisingly, 99% of time it's not my death that worries me. It's how my wife and my middle kid (who is struggling to launch in life) will do after I go. My own death? Well, it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 57 w/ medical condition. Yes, I do think about it but, surprisingly, 99% of time it's not my death that worries me. It's how my wife and my middle kid (who is struggling to launch in life) will do after I go. My own death? Well, it is what it is.

I'm you at 63. My kid is adopted and we're super close. Worry about what she will do without me. Not worried about the wife. She will find another guy within two years. Interestingly, I believe continuing to work will lengthen my life because I like what I do.

[Anonymous]

I am not afraid of death .

[Anonymous]

My dad always said it was kind of a relief to be old. no more big life decisions to make and potentially screw up. He also talked about how he started following the news differently knowing the big issues of the day (ex climate change) wouldn't get solved in his lifetime. He also noted that there were problems he had thought would never get solved peacefully that had been resolved and he took solace in that (northern Ireland, apartheid).

[Anonymous]

I am 60 and in the last few years for the first time I’ve found myself thinking that I may never get back to this or that favorite travel destination like Venice ( and that was pre-pandemic). When Hillary lost in 2016, I remember thinking that now there may not be a woman president in my lifetime.

And while I have no intention of dying of coronavirus, I am more or less at peace with the fact that I do have a significantly higher risk of doing so than my 24-year-old DD.

It’s weird to have made the transition to thinking this wasy pretty much unconsciously. At the same time, it means I am more likely to do things I really want without caring what others think, really feeling for the first time how there is not infinite time spooling out in front of me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

ddintysons wrote:

I'm 40 and yes, I've already had kids. I guess I have a hard time imagining it because I've always been so future oriented, I can't imagine what it's like to be old and realize that I probably don't even have five years left. I mean how do you deal with that? Just try not to think about it, or are people that age generally at the point where they feel ready to die because they feel like their time for being here has passed?

Do you know why you are concerned about how much time you have left? In your post, you worry about not having "five years left" and people feeling like "their time for being here has passed." Is there something you really wanted to do that you have not done? Then, do it now. Are you worried you will not live as long as someone else or others your age?
If so, why?

OP - live in the present moment, the moment happening right now, today. Enjoy it.

Worrying if you will get more tomorrows diminishes the pleasure that you can find today. Once you understand and accept that today is all we really have, then you can let go of yesterday and tomorrow and truly enjoy where you are and where you always will be.

This is good advice, but really a lot of this stems out of sheer curiosity. Is this what most people do when they get old? I guess I'm just wondering what the "typical" way is for people to deal with this. It's something that's difficult to know because no one wants to come out and tell and ask an older person, "Hey how does it feel to know you will die soon?" Unless someone volunteers the information, there's no way to find out.

Older adults aren’t a monolith. There is no “typical” way of anything in life. think you need to educate yourself. I als suggest as some have mentioned to focus on living well.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am 55. I believe that my last 30 years or so can be happier and more contented than the first 55. My career is winding down, I'm financially secure, my children are raised. I can devote time to exercise, my friends, charity work, prayer. It's nice to know I've accomplished a lot but still have a lot to look forward to. I still enjoy travel, sex, entertainment ,,,,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mean for this question to be rude, and I apologize if it makes anyone uncomfortable. But this is something, I've always wondered about, but obviously IRL can't ask an older person about. But I've always wondered. What is it like to be older and know that you really don't have that much more time left to live? How do people deal with that emotionally and keep from being depressed? I realize there probably aren't too many 70+ people on DCUM to answer this question, but even for people in their 50's, realistically most of them are aware that they probably don't have more than 30 years left, and that's really not that much time. I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but honestly, how do people deal with that?

Life isn't guaranteed op. You as a young person could get hit by a bus. Basically, you deal with it like you deal with anything. One day at a time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

ddintysons wrote:

I'm 40 and yes, I've already had kids. I guess I have a hard time imagining it because I've always been so future oriented, I can't imagine what it's like to be old and realize that I probably don't even have five years left. I mean how do you deal with that? Just try not to think about it, or are people that age generally at the point where they feel ready to die because they feel like their time for being here has passed?

Do you know why you are concerned about how much time you have left? In your post, you worry about not having "five years left" and people feeling like "their time for being here has passed." Is there something you really wanted to do that you have not done? Then, do it now. Are you worried you will not live as long as someone else or others your age?
If so, why?

OP - live in the present moment, the moment happening right now, today. Enjoy it.

Worrying if you will get more tomorrows diminishes the pleasure that you can find today. Once you understand and accept that today is all we really have, then you can let go of yesterday and tomorrow and truly enjoy where you are and where you always will be.

This is good advice, but really a lot of this stems out of sheer curiosity. Is this what most people do when they get old? I guess I'm just wondering what the "typical" way is for people to deal with this. It's something that's difficult to know because no one wants to come out and tell and ask an older person, "Hey how does it feel to know you will die soon?" Unless someone volunteers the information, there's no way to find out.

If you have faith that includes belief in an afterlife, that really helps frame the context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for posting this, OP, I have been wondering the same myself, perhaps because mortality concerns are so front of mind for everyone right now. Any of us could lose our lives and health very suddenly, in a very real and tangible way.

I suspect that part of why I am thinking about it is that I may not be happy with my situation. I'm glad to have a job still, but man is it a grind spending 10-11 hours a day on conference calls that seem to have nothing to do with anything. If this is my last six months of life, is this how I really want to spend it? I think the normal hustle and bustle of life--commute, school drop off, chauffeuring to activities, shopping, cooking--has obscured a lot of this for me. Now that I am stuck in the house just working and thinking, it makes me wonder if I am spending my time as I should. Maybe you are having some of the same thoughts?

You don't have to just work and think. I am reading, exercising, catching up with friends on the phone and Zoom. Put in a nice garden. Practicing my foreign language. You don't have to commute, make the most of your extra two hours a day.