What's it like to be old and know that you don't have that many years left?

[Anonymous]

I've had cancer. I think if life was over tomorrow - I wouldn't regret it. I had cancer when the kids were younger - I thought I needed to live for them. Now that they are older they can survive on their own. It would be nice to stick around longer but I am big believer of fate - if it was your time to go it's time to go.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for posting this, OP, I have been wondering the same myself, perhaps because mortality concerns are so front of mind for everyone right now. Any of us could lose our lives and health very suddenly, in a very real and tangible way.

I suspect that part of why I am thinking about it is that I may not be happy with my situation. I'm glad to have a job still, but man is it a grind spending 10-11 hours a day on conference calls that seem to have nothing to do with anything. If this is my last six months of life, is this how I really want to spend it? I think the normal hustle and bustle of life--commute, school drop off, chauffeuring to activities, shopping, cooking--has obscured a lot of this for me. Now that I am stuck in the house just working and thinking, it makes me wonder if I am spending my time as I should. Maybe you are having some of the same thoughts?

[Anonymous]

My DH said something (I think it was a quote, not his original thought, but who knows)...it was something like:

People have two lives--the second begins wheb you realize you have only one.

I think that is so true. When you really realize you will not live forever, it does change your outlook. For me, it helped me not give a crap about the rat race (and for women, a lot of the rat race is trying to hold on to youth and to look younger as opposed to embracing how one looks when one is older--being ok with looking attractively older!) Anyways, I think there can be a lot of relaxing about a variety of things that in the end, don't really matter. I say "no" to things that I don't really want to do, and don't put up with high-maintenance friends any more. Life is too short.

There's a short paperback book called "Essentialism" that someone recommended to me; it helped me learn how to say "no" to all that social crap that can eat up a lot of time.

[Anonymous]

I’m 69 and certainly think about it especially given my parents lived until their 90’s and their quality of life at the end was not what I wish for myself though they were lovingly taken care of. I retired at 60....well mostly.....to travel, spend time with my wife enjoying life and now we have a bunch of grandchildren to have fun with. I hope to have ten more good years assuming my health holds up where I can continue to travel and be physically active at a good level. I’ve invested a good amount of time and money in estate planning to make sure my wife, kids and grandkids are well provided for. But I don’t spend any time worrying about the fact that my life is 80% over. It’s been a great life, I’ve accomplished a lot, I’m having fun, I’m healthy and I still have a very active sex life which many guys 20 years younger than me don’t seem to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP? Do you have kids? I started to think about this when I had kids around age 40. I also always had a sense that you get one life to live even in my 20s and I accomplished some bucket list items very early on. Tomorrow is promised to no one. It's just that as you get older and have more life experiences and know more people you realize that yes that terrible thing can happen to you (death/disability/illness/death of a close person or friend etc).

I'm 40 and yes, I've already had kids. I guess I have a hard time imagining it because I've always been so future oriented, I can't imagine what it's like to be old and realize that I probably don't even have five years left. I mean how do you deal with that? Just try not to think about it, or are people that age generally at the point where they feel ready to die because they feel like their time for being here has passed?

If you are so future oriented and depressed about it you might need some help. If you are in your 60’s and 70’s and are in good health and have decent savings life can be a blast. Everyone dies, it’s just a matter of when. Remember to look both ways when you cross the street.

[Anonymous]

When my dad turned 70, it was like all of a sudden he was in a rush. Everything he wanted to do had to be done NOW because - who knows how long he has left? He's 75 now, still the same way. I think it's actually a pretty good way to handle it - keeps him very busy, and he's done a LOT in the last five years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mean for this question to be rude, and I apologize if it makes anyone uncomfortable. But this is something, I've always wondered about, but obviously IRL can't ask an older person about. But I've always wondered. What is it like to be older and know that you really don't have that much more time left to live? How do people deal with that emotionally and keep from being depressed? I realize there probably aren't too many 70+ people on DCUM to answer this question, but even for people in their 50's, realistically most of them are aware that they probably don't have more than 30 years left, and that's really not that much time. I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but honestly, how do people deal with that?

Don't you have parents or grandparents to ask that question?
Even if you are in your 20s now, you might not have that many years, months or even days left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP? Do you have kids? I started to think about this when I had kids around age 40. I also always had a sense that you get one life to live even in my 20s and I accomplished some bucket list items very early on. Tomorrow is promised to no one. It's just that as you get older and have more life experiences and know more people you realize that yes that terrible thing can happen to you (death/disability/illness/death of a close person or friend etc).

I'm 40 and yes, I've already had kids. I guess I have a hard time imagining it because I've always been so future oriented, I can't imagine what it's like to be old and realize that I probably don't even have five years left. I mean how do you deal with that? Just try not to think about it, or are people that age generally at the point where they feel ready to die because they feel like their time for being here has passed?

How do yo imagine now that you have 5 years left? You can be diagnosed with deadly cancer tomorrow and wont have even a year left. I am sure the same is at 70+, so there is no difference.

[Anonymous]

I'm 65 and I don't like it at all. I have had times of abject fear of dying (usually when in bed at night but other times as well). I wonder if I will feel more comfortable with the reality if I live, say to be 80. But my mom, in her late 70s, during one of many hospitalizations (she was in precarious health for a very long time although lived to almost 88), grabbed my hand and whispered "I don't want to die". Although in the end she stopped kidney dialysis after almost 5 years, simply refused to do it any longer and refused to discuss it other than to say no. For her I think it was more about having had enough of the misery of poor health. I've known very old people who frankly say they are fine with approaching life's end, but mostly they have had deep faith and absolutely believe they will see those they miss.

[Anonymous]

If you are living your life right, you don't sit around pondering this question. You never know how long you have--none of us do. Just enjoy all that you have and be thankful for who and what you have NOW and you will go out smiling sooner or later.

[Anonymous]

I think at that point you just hope for a quick end with dignity.

Life is just a series of disappointments, after 7 decades you probably give zero f*cks about anything.

[Anonymous]

I am a 78 year old man. Roughly speaking, and contrary to what I had expected, I have found more contentment and in many ways happiness as I have gotten older. I am now retired = no boss telling me what to do. I spend my time largely as I wish, not on someone else’s schedule of what they need done. I am less strong, vital, but I can still take care of myself and enjoy life. I no longer have the expenses of children, buying a house, etc. I realize that my good health won’t last forever, but I don’t dwell on that. Who knows - maybe I will luck out and just not wake up some day.morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By putting greater value on the things that matter. That's how you deal with impending mortality.

Like not wasting time with people who aren't worthy of your time. Or thinking that your work/career is of utmost importance. That your children may or may not have turned into people you are proud of, despite all your best efforts (and mistakes) in parenting.

The circle of life starts turning back to what was important when you were a child but it's better because you have autonomy and if you are lucky, money to be comfortable and do the things you want.

You take time to find nature more amazing. You stay away from mean people. You take joy in simple things like a cool drink on a hot day. You enjoy time with good friends. You look for ways to find wonder in life.

Most importantly, you make sure that you have no regrets about how you spend your time, whatever time you have left.

I am 49 but already do these things. After my beloved stepdad died, I acutely felt how short life is and that all we have is today; it really put things in perspective. I took comfort in the fact that he lived in the moment and treasured the small things, and I try my best to do that every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mean for this question to be rude, and I apologize if it makes anyone uncomfortable. But this is something, I've always wondered about, but obviously IRL can't ask an older person about. But I've always wondered. What is it like to be older and know that you really don't have that much more time left to live? How do people deal with that emotionally and keep from being depressed? I realize there probably aren't too many 70+ people on DCUM to answer this question, but even for people in their 50's, realistically most of them are aware that they probably don't have more than 30 years left, and that's really not that much time. I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but honestly, how do people deal with that?

What's it like to be an idiot? Why do you think you aren't going to die young? Next week you could find out you have stage 4 cancer, hit by a car, or the victim of a drive by shooting. I am in my 50's and a 27 yr old woman I worked with has metastatic breast cancer.

[Anonymous]

With Covid/Racism/Trump don’t be sure
I’ve seen people in my community die at younger than 40
In my family history I have longlived grandparents (Almost 100) and great grandparents (101)
But my parents dead at 50 and younger than 75
Live each day as though it’s your last