Newly discovered half sibling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe contact the mother, if you must. I have a half sibling (different circumstances, but similar actions by my dad). Some of my siblings choose to contact her, which caused a rift between us. Ultimately, my siblings essentially ghosted half sibling in an attempt to fix things with our sibling group. Long story short: contact caused more pain than if they just left it alone.

Well you are a real gem, aren't you? Contact did not cause pain, you did! You threw a hissy fit and got your way and choose to cause a rift. What an absolute drama lover. Me, me, me, me, me, me. Your siblings dislike you, you know that right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe contact the mother, if you must. I have a half sibling (different circumstances, but similar actions by my dad). Some of my siblings choose to contact her, which caused a rift between us. Ultimately, my siblings essentially ghosted half sibling in an attempt to fix things with our sibling group. Long story short: contact caused more pain than if they just left it alone.

Sounds like you were opposed to contact and threw a snit when your full sibs went ahead anyway.

I wasn't consulted or even given a heads up beforehand. It felt like a betrayal, honestly. They made a decision for me and I made my own decision when I was told what they did. I did not meet my half sibling. If they had discussed it with me, I would have discouraged them. They ultimately couldn't handle the new relationship and bailed. They hurt me, our half sister and each other. Some things are best left alone.

You were not consulted about what adult siblings were going to do? They did not ask your permission? They made no decision for you. Typical, to the core narcissist. When you look in the mirror I bet you see the words VICTIM, but you don't see that it really says NPD!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I will add that I am not even sure half sibling knows of their past. I pulled the birth certificate and an adoptive father is listed. For all I know half sibling thinks the guy is biological father. I just don't want to throw a wrench into any good family dynamics. The mother has been with the adoptive father since early 1990s and Facebook pictures show a happy family and married couple.

I just don’t believe this. Only the parents and the individual can request it. I couldn’t even get my full brother’s BC on my own. My mom has to send it to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I will add that I am not even sure half sibling knows of their past. I pulled the birth certificate and an adoptive father is listed. For all I know half sibling thinks the guy is biological father. I just don't want to throw a wrench into any good family dynamics. The mother has been with the adoptive father since early 1990s and Facebook pictures show a happy family and married couple.

I just don’t believe this. Only the parents and the individual can request it. I couldn’t even get my full brother’s BC on my own. My mom has to send it to me.

Not lying. As I can recall it asked me the relationship and I put sibling. No liea there. Did this about a year ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I will add that I am not even sure half sibling knows of their past. I pulled the birth certificate and an adoptive father is listed. For all I know half sibling thinks the guy is biological father. I just don't want to throw a wrench into any good family dynamics. The mother has been with the adoptive father since early 1990s and Facebook pictures show a happy family and married couple.

I just don’t believe this. Only the parents and the individual can request it. I couldn’t even get my full brother’s BC on my own. My mom has to send it to me.

Not lying. As I can recall it asked me the relationship and I put sibling. No liea there. Did this about a year ago.

Requirements may vary state to state

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father died recently and while going through his possessions I found evidence I have a half sibling that was never disclosed. Person was born before my parents marriage and is a few years older than me. Story was that father essentially abandoned the child with the mother and never really acknowledged the child's existence other than child support payments. Ok that was 30+ years ago. I did some public internet searches...Google, Facebook, etc. The mother and half sibling seem normal.

Question here is would you make contact? I have no idea if this person even knows about their past or what the mother has told the half sibling.

I am not sure what I hope to gain out of making contact, maybe it is just selfish.

To the OP - I’m in a similar situation except I’m the half-sibling who didn’t see my father after the age of 5. He went on and got remarried and had two kids, and has grandkids now. I looked him up on FB and found that he lives in Germantown while I’m in NoVa. It’s definitely him and I share a strong resemblance to my half-sister. I still haven’t brought myself to make contact and I’ve known now for 3 years.

There’s no right or wrong answer and I just wanted to wish you best luck in this matter. Either way, once you make a choice I hope it brings you a sense of closure and resolution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I will add that I am not even sure half sibling knows of their past. I pulled the birth certificate and an adoptive father is listed. For all I know half sibling thinks the guy is biological father. I just don't want to throw a wrench into any good family dynamics. The mother has been with the adoptive father since early 1990s and Facebook pictures show a happy family and married couple.

I just don’t believe this. Only the parents and the individual can request it. I couldn’t even get my full brother’s BC on my own. My mom has to send it to me.

They could have forged the signature. If it was a legal adoption the birth certificate changes to the adoptive parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the half sibling in this scenario. I refused contact. This other person or her father mean nothing to me. She has her life, I have mine, and I don't want her in mine.

Yeah, pretty sure you are still the person who is pissed that her siblings contacted the half sibling. Nice try, sweetie.

You haven't been around enough to know that this would not unfold in this way.

[Anonymous]

Not entirely the same situation but I found out in my 30s that I was the product of a sperm donor. I do belong to several online communities involving people who discover their father is not their biological father. I have about a dozen half-siblings that I’m aware of. Some I’m very close with and some I don’t have a relationship with.

The general consensus is to reach out to your sibling, not the mom. You’re both adults, and they have the right to this information and what to do with it. Don’t put any pressure on your sibling to respond, and be prepared for them not to.

I’m a big believer that the truth deserves to be told, and it’s certainly possible that your sibling knows their dad isn’t their dad, but it’s also worth considering doing nothing. If they’re unaware, I can say from personal experience that this will put them through an emotional roller coaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe contact the mother, if you must. I have a half sibling (different circumstances, but similar actions by my dad). Some of my siblings choose to contact her, which caused a rift between us. Ultimately, my siblings essentially ghosted half sibling in an attempt to fix things with our sibling group. Long story short: contact caused more pain than if they just left it alone.

Sounds like you were opposed to contact and threw a snit when your full sibs went ahead anyway.

I wasn't consulted or even given a heads up beforehand. It felt like a betrayal, honestly. They made a decision for me and I made my own decision when I was told what they did. I did not meet my half sibling. If they had discussed it with me, I would have discouraged them. They ultimately couldn't handle the new relationship and bailed. They hurt me, our half sister and each other. Some things are best left alone.

They did not make a decision for you. They made a decision for them. If you didn’t want contact, fine, but you should have been supportive for them. Sounds like you ruined everyone.

I've read all of your sock puppet replies. To be clear: my siblings are profoundly dysfunctional and unreliable. I was blindsided. If they'd have talked to me beforehand, I would've discouraged them because I knew they would hurt everyone involved. Our sister would have been better off continuing no contact. Instead, she was *abandoned* twice.


To the op: if you really want to pursue this, start with the mother.

Well, I am not a sock puppet. Apparently there really are numerous people who really think you are an asshole - besides just one or two. This is my answer, and I doubt the others were sock puppets.
You did wrong, PP.

For the record, I am a completely new poster. PP, this is what you said in your original post about this:
"Ultimately, my siblings essentially ghosted half sibling in an attempt to fix things with our sibling group."

People think you are an ass because your siblings chose to ghost the half sibling in order to appease you. Maybe you didn't ask them to, maybe you did. But either way they did it for you- so you showed through words, or actions, or prior obnoxious behavior that you would not resume your relationship with you full siblings unless they cut off contact. And that is why many posters are rightfully calling you out for being narcissistic and spiteful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the half sibling in this scenario. I refused contact. This other person or her father mean nothing to me. She has her life, I have mine, and I don't want her in mine.

Wow. It is sad that so many are close minded. You would choose the “eyes wide shut” pill in the Matrix. I feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe contact the mother, if you must. I have a half sibling (different circumstances, but similar actions by my dad). Some of my siblings choose to contact her, which caused a rift between us. Ultimately, my siblings essentially ghosted half sibling in an attempt to fix things with our sibling group. Long story short: contact caused more pain than if they just left it alone.

Sounds like you were opposed to contact and threw a snit when your full sibs went ahead anyway.

I wasn't consulted or even given a heads up beforehand. It felt like a betrayal, honestly. They made a decision for me and I made my own decision when I was told what they did. I did not meet my half sibling. If they had discussed it with me, I would have discouraged them. They ultimately couldn't handle the new relationship and bailed. They hurt me, our half sister and each other. Some things are best left alone.

Wow! What a horrible person you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father died recently and while going through his possessions I found evidence I have a half sibling that was never disclosed. Person was born before my parents marriage and is a few years older than me. Story was that father essentially abandoned the child with the mother and never really acknowledged the child's existence other than child support payments. Ok that was 30+ years ago. I did some public internet searches...Google, Facebook, etc. The mother and half sibling seem normal.

Question here is would you make contact? I have no idea if this person even knows about their past or what the mother has told the half sibling.

I am not sure what I hope to gain out of making contact, maybe it is just selfish.

No. Do not do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe contact the mother, if you must. I have a half sibling (different circumstances, but similar actions by my dad). Some of my siblings choose to contact her, which caused a rift between us. Ultimately, my siblings essentially ghosted half sibling in an attempt to fix things with our sibling group. Long story short: contact caused more pain than if they just left it alone.

Sounds like you were opposed to contact and threw a snit when your full sibs went ahead anyway.

I wasn't consulted or even given a heads up beforehand. It felt like a betrayal, honestly. They made a decision for me and I made my own decision when I was told what they did. I did not meet my half sibling. If they had discussed it with me, I would have discouraged them. They ultimately couldn't handle the new relationship and bailed. They hurt me, our half sister and each other. Some things are best left alone.

You do not get to dictate what they do. You control your. You do not want to meet or have relationship, then do not, but they can if they want to. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

If you make contact, just be prepared that it could significantly affect your life.

About 2 years ago, my dad found out he fathered a child on his early 20’s. He’s now 78. He never knew. She found out via Ancestry and reached out to him, and they have gone ALL IN. Despite the fact that she’s in her fifties with a grandchild of her own, she’s sort of taken on this “daddy’s girl” persona. Probably due to the fact that she’s never had a true “dad” in her life. I get it.

My dad has made my half sister his priority #1, spending a bunch of time with her, adding her to the will, financially supporting her and just basically doting on her. (He and my mom are divorced). I think he feels guilty that she had a shitty childhood and he wasn’t there for her.

She’s a really great person. I am happy to know she exists. But my relationship with my dad has suffered - because he’s so focused on her, he has pretty much ignored me and my kids these past two years. I am hopeful that in time things will settle but I do feel like, for now, I’ve “lost” my dad.

So yeah, just be prepared that making contact can be good, and you’ll be glad you did, but at the same time it can really change your current family dynamics.