Stepmom complaining about dad helping daughter with college expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the incels.

I wouldn't say anything OP , but I would encourage daughter to speak to dad directly.

In the future some schools let you rent books for the semester at a lower cost.. Also look into additional scholarship that may cover books.

Also check with profs some don't frequently change books and she may be able to get books for cheap from other students. I knew people who would swap books to save.

Car repairs are not college costs. Mom can help pay for college and books. Sounds like mom isn't contributing anything. Child has two parents who can contribute.

Hmmm interesting. So, dad should stop contributing to his own child’s education so that he can fund living expenses for his new wives children? Yeah...That makes perfect sense.

There must lots of stepmoms trolling this thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my dad and stepmom. My stepmom refused to let my dad pay for a more expensive college so I went to a really cheap one. My dad is mild-mannered and there was nothing to be done about it. Ten years later her daughter was applying to all the expensive schools.

It all worked out okay in the end but it was a real struggle to get over that. The real issue for me wasn’t the money, it was feeling like I was less important than I had been before their marriage. Maybe point that out.

Could he afford more? Were there other kids? How much did your mom pay? What was your relationship like with your Dad? I know in our situation 10 years made a huge difference in our income so what we could afford 10 years prior and now are very different. Be grateful your Dad paid.

I'm grateful my dad paid, but I know that it was my stepmom who didn't want to pay for a more expensive school. In fact, she didn't want my dad to pay for anything, she wanted me to take out loans. This all made me feel awful, no matter what. But his income was about 400K at the time, no other kids in college (two younger siblings at home in public school), my relationship was and always has been good, my mom couldn't pay anything because she is ultra poor.

Several years ago as we were together chatting about my half-sister's college applications, my stepmom asked "hey weren't you going to apply to Mount Holyoke too? What happened to that?" Very awkward moment when I reminded her that I didn't apply because she wouldn't let my dad pay for it.

Paying for 3 kids in college is a lot of money. He was also probably paying a large amount of child support on top of all your college expenses.

Why are you making all this crap up? This is my life. I know it. No he wasn't paying child support. We all lived with my dad. My other sibling wasn't planning on and didn't go to college. And the other sibling was my half sister who is 10+ years younger than I am so there was no way he would be paying two college tuitions at the same time, and magically when it was her turn to go off to college, her mother didn't mind paying for a super expensive college education.

People can justify this all they want (I know my parents did), but as the child in the situation, I could see exactly what was happening. It repeated itself over and over again. My stepmom didn't want to spend money on me but she was more than happy to spend it on her own child. It's not shocking that a woman would want to nurture and care for her own child more than a stepchild.

The main point is that it's not about the money. It's about being treated unfairly. Yes kids complain about treated unfairly when they are not being treated unfairly (I have kids, I know) and no you can't make everything perfectly unfair, and no you can't go around moaning that life is unfair and blaming everything on it. Of course. But I don't think it's justifiable to give one kid a free ride and make another figure everything out on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my dad and stepmom. My stepmom refused to let my dad pay for a more expensive college so I went to a really cheap one. My dad is mild-mannered and there was nothing to be done about it. Ten years later her daughter was applying to all the expensive schools.

It all worked out okay in the end but it was a real struggle to get over that. The real issue for me wasn’t the money, it was feeling like I was less important than I had been before their marriage. Maybe point that out.

Could he afford more? Were there other kids? How much did your mom pay? What was your relationship like with your Dad? I know in our situation 10 years made a huge difference in our income so what we could afford 10 years prior and now are very different. Be grateful your Dad paid.

I'm grateful my dad paid, but I know that it was my stepmom who didn't want to pay for a more expensive school. In fact, she didn't want my dad to pay for anything, she wanted me to take out loans. This all made me feel awful, no matter what. But his income was about 400K at the time, no other kids in college (two younger siblings at home in public school), my relationship was and always has been good, my mom couldn't pay anything because she is ultra poor.

Several years ago as we were together chatting about my half-sister's college applications, my stepmom asked "hey weren't you going to apply to Mount Holyoke too? What happened to that?" Very awkward moment when I reminded her that I didn't apply because she wouldn't let my dad pay for it.

Paying for 3 kids in college is a lot of money. He was also probably paying a large amount of child support on top of all your college expenses.

Why are you making all this crap up? This is my life. I know it. No he wasn't paying child support. We all lived with my dad. My other sibling wasn't planning on and didn't go to college. And the other sibling was my half sister who is 10+ years younger than I am so there was no way he would be paying two college tuitions at the same time, and magically when it was her turn to go off to college, her mother didn't mind paying for a super expensive college education.

People can justify this all they want (I know my parents did), but as the child in the situation, I could see exactly what was happening. It repeated itself over and over again. My stepmom didn't want to spend money on me but she was more than happy to spend it on her own child. It's not shocking that a woman would want to nurture and care for her own child more than a stepchild.

The main point is that it's not about the money. It's about being treated unfairly. Yes kids complain about treated unfairly when they are not being treated unfairly (I have kids, I know) and no you can't make everything perfectly unfair, and no you can't go around moaning that life is unfair and blaming everything on it. Of course. But I don't think it's justifiable to give one kid a free ride and make another figure everything out on their own.

Did her mother work? You sound like an entitled brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my dad and stepmom. My stepmom refused to let my dad pay for a more expensive college so I went to a really cheap one. My dad is mild-mannered and there was nothing to be done about it. Ten years later her daughter was applying to all the expensive schools.

It all worked out okay in the end but it was a real struggle to get over that. The real issue for me wasn’t the money, it was feeling like I was less important than I had been before their marriage. Maybe point that out.

Could he afford more? Were there other kids? How much did your mom pay? What was your relationship like with your Dad? I know in our situation 10 years made a huge difference in our income so what we could afford 10 years prior and now are very different. Be grateful your Dad paid.

I'm grateful my dad paid, but I know that it was my stepmom who didn't want to pay for a more expensive school. In fact, she didn't want my dad to pay for anything, she wanted me to take out loans. This all made me feel awful, no matter what. But his income was about 400K at the time, no other kids in college (two younger siblings at home in public school), my relationship was and always has been good, my mom couldn't pay anything because she is ultra poor.

Several years ago as we were together chatting about my half-sister's college applications, my stepmom asked "hey weren't you going to apply to Mount Holyoke too? What happened to that?" Very awkward moment when I reminded her that I didn't apply because she wouldn't let my dad pay for it.

Paying for 3 kids in college is a lot of money. He was also probably paying a large amount of child support on top of all your college expenses.

Why are you making all this crap up? This is my life. I know it. No he wasn't paying child support. We all lived with my dad. My other sibling wasn't planning on and didn't go to college. And the other sibling was my half sister who is 10+ years younger than I am so there was no way he would be paying two college tuitions at the same time, and magically when it was her turn to go off to college, her mother didn't mind paying for a super expensive college education.

People can justify this all they want (I know my parents did), but as the child in the situation, I could see exactly what was happening. It repeated itself over and over again. My stepmom didn't want to spend money on me but she was more than happy to spend it on her own child. It's not shocking that a woman would want to nurture and care for her own child more than a stepchild.

The main point is that it's not about the money. It's about being treated unfairly. Yes kids complain about treated unfairly when they are not being treated unfairly (I have kids, I know) and no you can't make everything perfectly unfair, and no you can't go around moaning that life is unfair and blaming everything on it. Of course. But I don't think it's justifiable to give one kid a free ride and make another figure everything out on their own.

Did her mother work? You sound like an entitled brat.

No she did not. But I don't see why that matters? Theoretically, both kids are members of the same family, right? Do you want to make up any other circumstances that would justify the difference in treatment?

I don't know how to say this without sounding like brat. I mean, you have one kid who gets everything they want. You have another kid who gets a very minimal amount. The kid who gets a minimal amount complains, and now she's the brat?

I have actually never complained to my parents about this. I am just pointing out that the issue isn't the money, the issue is how the kid who gets the raw deal feels. We want our kids to know we love them, and supporting one kid and not supporting another isn't the best way to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my dad and stepmom. My stepmom refused to let my dad pay for a more expensive college so I went to a really cheap one. My dad is mild-mannered and there was nothing to be done about it. Ten years later her daughter was applying to all the expensive schools.

It all worked out okay in the end but it was a real struggle to get over that. The real issue for me wasn’t the money, it was feeling like I was less important than I had been before their marriage. Maybe point that out.

Could he afford more? Were there other kids? How much did your mom pay? What was your relationship like with your Dad? I know in our situation 10 years made a huge difference in our income so what we could afford 10 years prior and now are very different. Be grateful your Dad paid.

I'm grateful my dad paid, but I know that it was my stepmom who didn't want to pay for a more expensive school. In fact, she didn't want my dad to pay for anything, she wanted me to take out loans. This all made me feel awful, no matter what. But his income was about 400K at the time, no other kids in college (two younger siblings at home in public school), my relationship was and always has been good, my mom couldn't pay anything because she is ultra poor.

Several years ago as we were together chatting about my half-sister's college applications, my stepmom asked "hey weren't you going to apply to Mount Holyoke too? What happened to that?" Very awkward moment when I reminded her that I didn't apply because she wouldn't let my dad pay for it.

Paying for 3 kids in college is a lot of money. He was also probably paying a large amount of child support on top of all your college expenses.

Why are you making all this crap up? This is my life. I know it. No he wasn't paying child support. We all lived with my dad. My other sibling wasn't planning on and didn't go to college. And the other sibling was my half sister who is 10+ years younger than I am so there was no way he would be paying two college tuitions at the same time, and magically when it was her turn to go off to college, her mother didn't mind paying for a super expensive college education.

People can justify this all they want (I know my parents did), but as the child in the situation, I could see exactly what was happening. It repeated itself over and over again. My stepmom didn't want to spend money on me but she was more than happy to spend it on her own child. It's not shocking that a woman would want to nurture and care for her own child more than a stepchild.

The main point is that it's not about the money. It's about being treated unfairly. Yes kids complain about treated unfairly when they are not being treated unfairly (I have kids, I know) and no you can't make everything perfectly unfair, and no you can't go around moaning that life is unfair and blaming everything on it. Of course. But I don't think it's justifiable to give one kid a free ride and make another figure everything out on their own.

Did her mother work? You sound like an entitled brat.

PP, what an incredibly disgusting response. No, the poster above does not sound like an entitled brat. My mother married a man when I was twenty. She married him for his retirement and medical benefits. She also made sure he pretty much cut off his own children...providing them with the most basic of support. She drove a huge wedge between them. She then used his money to provide for my sister (not my stepfather's daughter...my biological sister) for years. Well into adulthood while she didn't allow him to spend any money on his own children. It was a vile thing to watch. It happens ALL the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my dad and stepmom. My stepmom refused to let my dad pay for a more expensive college so I went to a really cheap one. My dad is mild-mannered and there was nothing to be done about it. Ten years later her daughter was applying to all the expensive schools.

It all worked out okay in the end but it was a real struggle to get over that. The real issue for me wasn’t the money, it was feeling like I was less important than I had been before their marriage. Maybe point that out.

Could he afford more? Were there other kids? How much did your mom pay? What was your relationship like with your Dad? I know in our situation 10 years made a huge difference in our income so what we could afford 10 years prior and now are very different. Be grateful your Dad paid.

I'm grateful my dad paid, but I know that it was my stepmom who didn't want to pay for a more expensive school. In fact, she didn't want my dad to pay for anything, she wanted me to take out loans. This all made me feel awful, no matter what. But his income was about 400K at the time, no other kids in college (two younger siblings at home in public school), my relationship was and always has been good, my mom couldn't pay anything because she is ultra poor.

Several years ago as we were together chatting about my half-sister's college applications, my stepmom asked "hey weren't you going to apply to Mount Holyoke too? What happened to that?" Very awkward moment when I reminded her that I didn't apply because she wouldn't let my dad pay for it.

Paying for 3 kids in college is a lot of money. He was also probably paying a large amount of child support on top of all your college expenses.

Why are you making all this crap up? This is my life. I know it. No he wasn't paying child support. We all lived with my dad. My other sibling wasn't planning on and didn't go to college. And the other sibling was my half sister who is 10+ years younger than I am so there was no way he would be paying two college tuitions at the same time, and magically when it was her turn to go off to college, her mother didn't mind paying for a super expensive college education.

People can justify this all they want (I know my parents did), but as the child in the situation, I could see exactly what was happening. It repeated itself over and over again. My stepmom didn't want to spend money on me but she was more than happy to spend it on her own child. It's not shocking that a woman would want to nurture and care for her own child more than a stepchild.

The main point is that it's not about the money. It's about being treated unfairly. Yes kids complain about treated unfairly when they are not being treated unfairly (I have kids, I know) and no you can't make everything perfectly unfair, and no you can't go around moaning that life is unfair and blaming everything on it. Of course. But I don't think it's justifiable to give one kid a free ride and make another figure everything out on their own.

Did her mother work? You sound like an entitled brat.

No she did not. But I don't see why that matters? Theoretically, both kids are members of the same family, right? Do you want to make up any other circumstances that would justify the difference in treatment?

I don't know how to say this without sounding like brat. I mean, you have one kid who gets everything they want. You have another kid who gets a very minimal amount. The kid who gets a minimal amount complains, and now she's the brat?

I have actually never complained to my parents about this. I am just pointing out that the issue isn't the money, the issue is how the kid who gets the raw deal feels. We want our kids to know we love them, and supporting one kid and not supporting another isn't the best way to do it.

PP, you don't need to explain anything to that jerk. Your statement and position are completely reasonable.

[Anonymous]

I was definitely treated like a second class citizen by my step mother. She married my father when I was 12 and until I was 18 he had custody about 1/3 of the time. She had two children of her own about my age and I got along with them fine and even they felt bad how I was being treated. She didn’t yell or anything like that it was just disdain and making me feel like a non person in her household. When it came time for college my dad encouraged me to apply to some outstanding but expensive schools and when I got in to a few of them my stepmother was outraged that he would spend his money on me going there. But I went to one of them helped with some scholarship money and loans but she was still angry. Since I was 18 I refused to go back to the house which hurt my father but he understood. My sophomore year he divorced her partially due to how she treated me. Thankfully he had a prenup agreement so she wasn’t able to hurt him financially. That was all 20 years ago and I’m grateful that I got through it and so did my dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my dad and stepmom. My stepmom refused to let my dad pay for a more expensive college so I went to a really cheap one. My dad is mild-mannered and there was nothing to be done about it. Ten years later her daughter was applying to all the expensive schools.

It all worked out okay in the end but it was a real struggle to get over that. The real issue for me wasn’t the money, it was feeling like I was less important than I had been before their marriage. Maybe point that out.

Could he afford more? Were there other kids? How much did your mom pay? What was your relationship like with your Dad? I know in our situation 10 years made a huge difference in our income so what we could afford 10 years prior and now are very different. Be grateful your Dad paid.

I'm grateful my dad paid, but I know that it was my stepmom who didn't want to pay for a more expensive school. In fact, she didn't want my dad to pay for anything, she wanted me to take out loans. This all made me feel awful, no matter what. But his income was about 400K at the time, no other kids in college (two younger siblings at home in public school), my relationship was and always has been good, my mom couldn't pay anything because she is ultra poor.

Several years ago as we were together chatting about my half-sister's college applications, my stepmom asked "hey weren't you going to apply to Mount Holyoke too? What happened to that?" Very awkward moment when I reminded her that I didn't apply because she wouldn't let my dad pay for it.

Paying for 3 kids in college is a lot of money. He was also probably paying a large amount of child support on top of all your college expenses.

Why are you making all this crap up? This is my life. I know it. No he wasn't paying child support. We all lived with my dad. My other sibling wasn't planning on and didn't go to college. And the other sibling was my half sister who is 10+ years younger than I am so there was no way he would be paying two college tuitions at the same time, and magically when it was her turn to go off to college, her mother didn't mind paying for a super expensive college education.

People can justify this all they want (I know my parents did), but as the child in the situation, I could see exactly what was happening. It repeated itself over and over again. My stepmom didn't want to spend money on me but she was more than happy to spend it on her own child. It's not shocking that a woman would want to nurture and care for her own child more than a stepchild.

The main point is that it's not about the money. It's about being treated unfairly. Yes kids complain about treated unfairly when they are not being treated unfairly (I have kids, I know) and no you can't make everything perfectly unfair, and no you can't go around moaning that life is unfair and blaming everything on it. Of course. But I don't think it's justifiable to give one kid a free ride and make another figure everything out on their own.

Did her mother work? You sound like an entitled brat.

No she did not. But I don't see why that matters? Theoretically, both kids are members of the same family, right? Do you want to make up any other circumstances that would justify the difference in treatment?

I don't know how to say this without sounding like brat. I mean, you have one kid who gets everything they want. You have another kid who gets a very minimal amount. The kid who gets a minimal amount complains, and now she's the brat?

I have actually never complained to my parents about this. I am just pointing out that the issue isn't the money, the issue is how the kid who gets the raw deal feels. We want our kids to know we love them, and supporting one kid and not supporting another isn't the best way to do it.

PP, you don't need to explain anything to that jerk. Your statement and position are completely reasonable.

+1

[Anonymous]

Bottomline is OP did not come back. Car repairs are a luxury, not a necessity and no college kid needs a car. OP didn't say if she is helping and is only complaining about stepmom. We don't know who is really paying what and how much each is contributing nor do we know the parent/child relationship so none if this matters. OP needs to step up and pay for books but it is March and child should have their books by now as 1/2 the semester is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my dad and stepmom. My stepmom refused to let my dad pay for a more expensive college so I went to a really cheap one. My dad is mild-mannered and there was nothing to be done about it. Ten years later her daughter was applying to all the expensive schools.

It all worked out okay in the end but it was a real struggle to get over that. The real issue for me wasn’t the money, it was feeling like I was less important than I had been before their marriage. Maybe point that out.

Could he afford more? Were there other kids? How much did your mom pay? What was your relationship like with your Dad? I know in our situation 10 years made a huge difference in our income so what we could afford 10 years prior and now are very different. Be grateful your Dad paid.

I'm grateful my dad paid, but I know that it was my stepmom who didn't want to pay for a more expensive school. In fact, she didn't want my dad to pay for anything, she wanted me to take out loans. This all made me feel awful, no matter what. But his income was about 400K at the time, no other kids in college (two younger siblings at home in public school), my relationship was and always has been good, my mom couldn't pay anything because she is ultra poor.

Several years ago as we were together chatting about my half-sister's college applications, my stepmom asked "hey weren't you going to apply to Mount Holyoke too? What happened to that?" Very awkward moment when I reminded her that I didn't apply because she wouldn't let my dad pay for it.

Paying for 3 kids in college is a lot of money. He was also probably paying a large amount of child support on top of all your college expenses.

Why are you making all this crap up? This is my life. I know it. No he wasn't paying child support. We all lived with my dad. My other sibling wasn't planning on and didn't go to college. And the other sibling was my half sister who is 10+ years younger than I am so there was no way he would be paying two college tuitions at the same time, and magically when it was her turn to go off to college, her mother didn't mind paying for a super expensive college education.

People can justify this all they want (I know my parents did), but as the child in the situation, I could see exactly what was happening. It repeated itself over and over again. My stepmom didn't want to spend money on me but she was more than happy to spend it on her own child. It's not shocking that a woman would want to nurture and care for her own child more than a stepchild.

The main point is that it's not about the money. It's about being treated unfairly. Yes kids complain about treated unfairly when they are not being treated unfairly (I have kids, I know) and no you can't make everything perfectly unfair, and no you can't go around moaning that life is unfair and blaming everything on it. Of course. But I don't think it's justifiable to give one kid a free ride and make another figure everything out on their own.

Did her mother work? You sound like an entitled brat.

PP, what an incredibly disgusting response. No, the poster above does not sound like an entitled brat. My mother married a man when I was twenty. She married him for his retirement and medical benefits. She also made sure he pretty much cut off his own children...providing them with the most basic of support. She drove a huge wedge between them. She then used his money to provide for my sister (not my stepfather's daughter...my biological sister) for years. Well into adulthood while she didn't allow him to spend any money on his own children. It was a vile thing to watch. It happens ALL the time.

Yes, it does. If you ever have an opportunity to discuss this with his kids, and there might not be an opportunity to talk about it, until many years from now, it might help them to hear from your perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my dad and stepmom. My stepmom refused to let my dad pay for a more expensive college so I went to a really cheap one. My dad is mild-mannered and there was nothing to be done about it. Ten years later her daughter was applying to all the expensive schools.

It all worked out okay in the end but it was a real struggle to get over that. The real issue for me wasn’t the money, it was feeling like I was less important than I had been before their marriage. Maybe point that out.

Could he afford more? Were there other kids? How much did your mom pay? What was your relationship like with your Dad? I know in our situation 10 years made a huge difference in our income so what we could afford 10 years prior and now are very different. Be grateful your Dad paid.

I'm grateful my dad paid, but I know that it was my stepmom who didn't want to pay for a more expensive school. In fact, she didn't want my dad to pay for anything, she wanted me to take out loans. This all made me feel awful, no matter what. But his income was about 400K at the time, no other kids in college (two younger siblings at home in public school), my relationship was and always has been good, my mom couldn't pay anything because she is ultra poor.

Several years ago as we were together chatting about my half-sister's college applications, my stepmom asked "hey weren't you going to apply to Mount Holyoke too? What happened to that?" Very awkward moment when I reminded her that I didn't apply because she wouldn't let my dad pay for it.

Paying for 3 kids in college is a lot of money. He was also probably paying a large amount of child support on top of all your college expenses.

Why are you making all this crap up? This is my life. I know it. No he wasn't paying child support. We all lived with my dad. My other sibling wasn't planning on and didn't go to college. And the other sibling was my half sister who is 10+ years younger than I am so there was no way he would be paying two college tuitions at the same time, and magically when it was her turn to go off to college, her mother didn't mind paying for a super expensive college education.

People can justify this all they want (I know my parents did), but as the child in the situation, I could see exactly what was happening. It repeated itself over and over again. My stepmom didn't want to spend money on me but she was more than happy to spend it on her own child. It's not shocking that a woman would want to nurture and care for her own child more than a stepchild.

The main point is that it's not about the money. It's about being treated unfairly. Yes kids complain about treated unfairly when they are not being treated unfairly (I have kids, I know) and no you can't make everything perfectly unfair, and no you can't go around moaning that life is unfair and blaming everything on it. Of course. But I don't think it's justifiable to give one kid a free ride and make another figure everything out on their own.

Did her mother work? You sound like an entitled brat.

No she did not. But I don't see why that matters? Theoretically, both kids are members of the same family, right? Do you want to make up any other circumstances that would justify the difference in treatment?

I don't know how to say this without sounding like brat. I mean, you have one kid who gets everything they want. You have another kid who gets a very minimal amount. The kid who gets a minimal amount complains, and now she's the brat?

I have actually never complained to my parents about this. I am just pointing out that the issue isn't the money, the issue is how the kid who gets the raw deal feels. We want our kids to know we love them, and supporting one kid and not supporting another isn't the best way to do it.

Wahhhhh I got the raw deal even though my dad paid for my college. Wahhhh he should have paid for a better college though. Talk about first world problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bottomline is OP did not come back. Car repairs are a luxury, not a necessity and no college kid needs a car. OP didn't say if she is helping and is only complaining about stepmom. We don't know who is really paying what and how much each is contributing nor do we know the parent/child relationship so none if this matters. OP needs to step up and pay for books but it is March and child should have their books by now as 1/2 the semester is over.

Well, if you say so, boss. Then post closed.

Ahem. You're not the decider of things. You sound insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Stepmom sucks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my dad and stepmom. My stepmom refused to let my dad pay for a more expensive college so I went to a really cheap one. My dad is mild-mannered and there was nothing to be done about it. Ten years later her daughter was applying to all the expensive schools.

It all worked out okay in the end but it was a real struggle to get over that. The real issue for me wasn’t the money, it was feeling like I was less important than I had been before their marriage. Maybe point that out.

Could he afford more? Were there other kids? How much did your mom pay? What was your relationship like with your Dad? I know in our situation 10 years made a huge difference in our income so what we could afford 10 years prior and now are very different. Be grateful your Dad paid.

I'm grateful my dad paid, but I know that it was my stepmom who didn't want to pay for a more expensive school. In fact, she didn't want my dad to pay for anything, she wanted me to take out loans. This all made me feel awful, no matter what. But his income was about 400K at the time, no other kids in college (two younger siblings at home in public school), my relationship was and always has been good, my mom couldn't pay anything because she is ultra poor.

Several years ago as we were together chatting about my half-sister's college applications, my stepmom asked "hey weren't you going to apply to Mount Holyoke too? What happened to that?" Very awkward moment when I reminded her that I didn't apply because she wouldn't let my dad pay for it.

Paying for 3 kids in college is a lot of money. He was also probably paying a large amount of child support on top of all your college expenses.

Why are you making all this crap up? This is my life. I know it. No he wasn't paying child support. We all lived with my dad. My other sibling wasn't planning on and didn't go to college. And the other sibling was my half sister who is 10+ years younger than I am so there was no way he would be paying two college tuitions at the same time, and magically when it was her turn to go off to college, her mother didn't mind paying for a super expensive college education.

People can justify this all they want (I know my parents did), but as the child in the situation, I could see exactly what was happening. It repeated itself over and over again. My stepmom didn't want to spend money on me but she was more than happy to spend it on her own child. It's not shocking that a woman would want to nurture and care for her own child more than a stepchild.

The main point is that it's not about the money. It's about being treated unfairly. Yes kids complain about treated unfairly when they are not being treated unfairly (I have kids, I know) and no you can't make everything perfectly unfair, and no you can't go around moaning that life is unfair and blaming everything on it. Of course. But I don't think it's justifiable to give one kid a free ride and make another figure everything out on their own.

Did her mother work? You sound like an entitled brat.

PP, what an incredibly disgusting response. No, the poster above does not sound like an entitled brat. My mother married a man when I was twenty. She married him for his retirement and medical benefits. She also made sure he pretty much cut off his own children...providing them with the most basic of support. She drove a huge wedge between them. She then used his money to provide for my sister (not my stepfather's daughter...my biological sister) for years. Well into adulthood while she didn't allow him to spend any money on his own children. It was a vile thing to watch. It happens ALL the time.

Yes, it does. If you ever have an opportunity to discuss this with his kids, and there might not be an opportunity to talk about it, until many years from now, it might help them to hear from your perspective. [/quote

Thank you for this feedback. I've always wanted to talk to them, my step-sister especially...but I've wondered if it would be self serving. I don't want to open old wounds for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bottomline is OP did not come back. Car repairs are a luxury, not a necessity and no college kid needs a car. OP didn't say if she is helping and is only complaining about stepmom. We don't know who is really paying what and how much each is contributing nor do we know the parent/child relationship so none if this matters. OP needs to step up and pay for books but it is March and child should have their books by now as 1/2 the semester is over.

Well, if you say so, boss. Then post closed.

Ahem. You're not the decider of things. You sound insufferable.

Insufferable is ranting about someone and we don't have the full situation. Mom said kid is paying for most of college. Mom complained Dad would not pick up extra expenses. Its March. Kid should have all books and car is a luxury item she doesn't need. Mom can pay.