My spouse doesn’t desire to understand me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I will let you in on something - you married a MAN, not a woman. Your expectations are entirely female.

And for what its worth, yes I am a woman, married to a man. I know what I'm talking about.

He probably understands you plenty.

I agree with the first half, but not the second half. The man doesn't understand her plenty. That's the issue. Even my DH, whom I have a great relationship with, says that women are a conundrum.

PP you're responding to. I suspect its not a particularly positive or fascinating conundrum or it would have been explored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I will let you in on something - you married a MAN, not a woman. Your expectations are entirely female.

And for what its worth, yes I am a woman, married to a man. I know what I'm talking about.

He probably understands you plenty.

This.

This is just how men are. There is too much emphasis on date nights and sharing interests with your spouse. Discuss logistics with your husband, feed him, and have sex with him. Be a good wife. But stop wasting time on doing things with him, trying to make him happy, and understanding his problems.

Put your time and energy into relationships with other men and women where your efforts are reciprocated.

[Anonymous]

I have a DH like this. Early on in the relationship, i found that sending a long email worked a lot better than saying things to him in person. It gave him time to read, think about, and then respond, and it gave me a sense that he really internalized what I had to say.

Over time, though, it became less important to me that he understood me, and I actually like having the privacy of my own feelings. If something he does bothers me, I either try to figure out why and let it go, or I ask him calmly not to do it, without delving into my feelings about it. He is a laid-back guy and is happy to oblige.

So, my advice is to reframe your thinking about what you need from him. Love and understanding of your feelings aren't necessarily the same two things.