Is going down with the ship part of marriage vows?

[Anonymous]

Marriage is a covenant/contractual arrangement and may be amended or dissolved by the parties involved. Marriage is not enslavement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say going pretty far downwards is. If you're just a fair-weather friend, don't marry. But you don't have to drown. Take the last lifeboat.

This.

- a woman who ultimately had to divorce a chronically anxious, depressed, OCD spouse who refused treatment and was unable to stop verbally abusing me and our young kids.

Kids’ health > vows/commitment, when absolutely forced to choose

[Anonymous]

Addiction, adultery, abuse. Those are the points at which you're allowed to bail. I'd say that with addiction, you should at least try to work with your spouse to get through it. It is normal to fail multiple times. Usually the divorce in cases of addiction is due to lying or reckless acts while under the influence (DUI, leaving kids somewhere, spending money to feed addiction, etc.)

Mental illness? Sickness? Cancer? An accident which affects their mobility and day-to-day life? You damn well better stick with them through it.

In my own family, my FIL developed a mental illness out-of-the-blue in his 50s. MIL tried for years to get him help, but he refused. The mentally ill often don't realize they have a problem. My MIL eventually left him once FIL started getting violent and was arrested twice in domestic disputes. There was nothing more that MIL could do, aside from protecting herself and establishing separate finances. FIL died within two years of the divorce due to other compounding health issues.

[Anonymous]

You decide what your vows mean for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Addiction, adultery, abuse. Those are the points at which you're allowed to bail. I'd say that with addiction, you should at least try to work with your spouse to get through it. It is normal to fail multiple times. Usually the divorce in cases of addiction is due to lying or reckless acts while under the influence (DUI, leaving kids somewhere, spending money to feed addiction, etc.)

Mental illness? Sickness? Cancer? An accident which affects their mobility and day-to-day life? You damn well better stick with them through it.

In my own family, my FIL developed a mental illness out-of-the-blue in his 50s. MIL tried for years to get him help, but he refused. The mentally ill often don't realize they have a problem. My MIL eventually left him once FIL started getting violent and was arrested twice in domestic disputes. There was nothing more that MIL could do, aside from protecting herself and establishing separate finances. FIL died within two years of the divorce due to other compounding health issues.

If you are going to list Adultery, you must also list Sexless.

[Anonymous]

You're not doing anyone any favors by staying married to someone you've grown to hate. You aren't good at hiding how you really feel. We know you want to abandon ship but worry about what other people would say. That makes us feel like garbage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say going pretty far downwards is. If you're just a fair-weather friend, don't marry. But you don't have to drown. Take the last lifeboat.

+1

+2