Getting full custody

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much child support does your DH pay? Not sure if you will answer honestly...

$1500 plus health insurance, after care, and any extracurriculars her mom signs her up for.

How was that calculated? It seems obvious that there's a shortfall. If you're saying the shortfall is due to the mom refusing to work, then that's a separate issue. The ethical thing to do is to take steps to help stabilize the child's mother; not to try to cut the mother out of her life.

That should be more than enough but if Dad is paying that for one child he has a pretty large income. Usually health care is the same price for a family of 4 vs. 5

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband currently shares custody (50/50) of his 11 year old with his ex wife. His ex isn't stable as shes always between jobs and constantly moving. DH is considering trying to sue for full custody as he wants his daughter to be in a stable environment. What are the chances that a judge will rule in his favor?

The best thing for kids is two involved parents who spend time with their kids. 50/50 is really good and is really in the best interests of his child. What else is going on besides moving? Otherwise it sounds like he wants to penalize his daughter and exwife when he isn't paying enough child support for her to have stable housing. Can you give more information?

Uh, it isn’t his responsibility to pay for his housing. She has to provide child support as well. It is a formula where each makes a contribution.

[Anonymous]

Offer you get Monday after school through Friday evening and she gets Friday afternoon through Monday morning. She drops off Monday morning and you drop off Friday evening. That gives you both the same time share, each one of you does one round trip saving her gas and makes things more equal. If she has to do VA to MD plus back and work, that is a tuff commute and costly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband currently shares custody (50/50) of his 11 year old with his ex wife. His ex isn't stable as shes always between jobs and constantly moving. DH is considering trying to sue for full custody as he wants his daughter to be in a stable environment. What are the chances that a judge will rule in his favor?

The best thing for kids is two involved parents who spend time with their kids. 50/50 is really good and is really in the best interests of his child. What else is going on besides moving? Otherwise it sounds like he wants to penalize his daughter and exwife when he isn't paying enough child support for her to have stable housing. Can you give more information?

Uh, it isn’t his responsibility to pay for his housing. She has to provide child support as well. It is a formula where each makes a contribution.

It's absolutely his responsibility to pay for the portion of the child's housing when she's with the other parent. It's a formula that clearly is not providing the sufficient support to the child's mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband currently shares custody (50/50) of his 11 year old with his ex wife. His ex isn't stable as shes always between jobs and constantly moving. DH is considering trying to sue for full custody as he wants his daughter to be in a stable environment. What are the chances that a judge will rule in his favor?

The best thing for kids is two involved parents who spend time with their kids. 50/50 is really good and is really in the best interests of his child. What else is going on besides moving? Otherwise it sounds like he wants to penalize his daughter and exwife when he isn't paying enough child support for her to have stable housing. Can you give more information?

Uh, it isn’t his responsibility to pay for his housing. She has to provide child support as well. It is a formula where each makes a contribution.

It's absolutely his responsibility to pay for the portion of the child's housing when she's with the other parent. It's a formula that clearly is not providing the sufficient support to the child's mother.

The amount is supposed to cover Dad's portion of the child's needs in her home. Mom needs to provide housing for herself and care for herself with her income and cover a share of the child's needs with her income.

[Anonymous]

Mom is probably afraid to lose CS money. Offer her an extra $300/mo if DD is with you during the week. See what she says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom is probably afraid to lose CS money. Offer her an extra $300/mo if DD is with you during the week. See what she says.

As a mom or dad, would you give up custody of your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom is probably afraid to lose CS money. Offer her an extra $300/mo if DD is with you during the week. See what she says.

As a mom or dad, would you give up custody of your child?

As a parent, if it meant my child could do better in school, I would let my child live with the other parent during the school week. I would try, instead to arrange a mid-week dinner and take weekends instead.

FWIW, I am in this situation - kids live with me full time because I am the stable one that makes sure they go to school, doctors and activities. The other parent eats dinner with them a couple times a week and spends one weekend day with them.

Other parent agrees to it because they know it’s best, I don’t ask for more money, I’m very supportive of visitation and I never say the other parent is a bad parent because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never seen on a thread where a dad can't get his kid to school on time, can't hold a job, can't hold stable housing, that the answer is that the woman should give him the money to cover his expenses, give him child support money (and increase it), provide him with transportation and housing, and change the child's school to be closer to dad who moves all the time.

You all are crazy.

OP, is just saying Mom has trouble with gas/getting to school. Rather than a custody grab, you help. Stepmom is probably alienating child and bribing her so that her home is better so they can get out of paying child support/helping. She wants to pretend they are one big happy family and cut mom out (and, I'd say that if the situation were reversed). They live in the same area. No reason stepmom or dad cannot help get the child to school and help with what they need at her house. As a stepmom I fully supplied the clothing at Mom's house. I wasn't going to let a child go without.

Clarksburg and Manassas aren’t in the same area. Our jobs and our kid’s daycare are in our area. We don’t know that she misses school when she’s with her mom unless the school or teacher informs us. She tells us when it’s too late that she didn’t have gas money or her had some car issue. I’m not bribing her, this custody idea was DH’s not mine because he wants his daughter in a stable environment.

I don't think I've seen this addressed, but is the moving also causing the child to have to move schools? How many different schools has she been in?

Another poster had a good list of things to document - how long they've lived in each place, when they haven't had housing (i.e. - couch surfing), etc.

At the end of the day, I'd talk to a lawyer and start applying pressure to mom. An 11 year old deserves to have a stable home if there's one available. Mom needs to understand this. And it's not about her being poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never seen on a thread where a dad can't get his kid to school on time, can't hold a job, can't hold stable housing, that the answer is that the woman should give him the money to cover his expenses, give him child support money (and increase it), provide him with transportation and housing, and change the child's school to be closer to dad who moves all the time.

You all are crazy.

OP, is just saying Mom has trouble with gas/getting to school. Rather than a custody grab, you help. Stepmom is probably alienating child and bribing her so that her home is better so they can get out of paying child support/helping. She wants to pretend they are one big happy family and cut mom out (and, I'd say that if the situation were reversed). They live in the same area. No reason stepmom or dad cannot help get the child to school and help with what they need at her house. As a stepmom I fully supplied the clothing at Mom's house. I wasn't going to let a child go without.

Clarksburg and Manassas aren’t in the same area. Our jobs and our kid’s daycare are in our area. We don’t know that she misses school when she’s with her mom unless the school or teacher informs us. She tells us when it’s too late that she didn’t have gas money or her had some car issue. I’m not bribing her, this custody idea was DH’s not mine because he wants his daughter in a stable environment.

I don't think I've seen this addressed, but is the moving also causing the child to have to move schools? How many different schools has she been in?

Another poster had a good list of things to document - how long they've lived in each place, when they haven't had housing (i.e. - couch surfing), etc.

At the end of the day, I'd talk to a lawyer and start applying pressure to mom. An 11 year old deserves to have a stable home if there's one available. Mom needs to understand this. And it's not about her being poor.

She changed schools twice when she was in second grade due to her mom moving. That was when her mom and my husband decided it was best for her to go to school in our neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom is probably afraid to lose CS money. Offer her an extra $300/mo if DD is with you during the week. See what she says.

As a mom or dad, would you give up custody of your child?

As a parent, if it meant my child could do better in school, I would let my child live with the other parent during the school week. I would try, instead to arrange a mid-week dinner and take weekends instead.

FWIW, I am in this situation - kids live with me full time because I am the stable one that makes sure they go to school, doctors and activities. The other parent eats dinner with them a couple times a week and spends one weekend day with them.

Other parent agrees to it because they know it’s best, I don’t ask for more money, I’m very supportive of visitation and I never say the other parent is a bad parent because of it.

You cannot say you would give up custody of your child as you are the one with full custody and weren't willing to make the sacrifice of having the child live with the other parent. You have no concept of what its like to have your kids taken away. Visitation isn't parenting. You don't have the same relationship with your kids having visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never seen on a thread where a dad can't get his kid to school on time, can't hold a job, can't hold stable housing, that the answer is that the woman should give him the money to cover his expenses, give him child support money (and increase it), provide him with transportation and housing, and change the child's school to be closer to dad who moves all the time.

You all are crazy.

OP, is just saying Mom has trouble with gas/getting to school. Rather than a custody grab, you help. Stepmom is probably alienating child and bribing her so that her home is better so they can get out of paying child support/helping. She wants to pretend they are one big happy family and cut mom out (and, I'd say that if the situation were reversed). They live in the same area. No reason stepmom or dad cannot help get the child to school and help with what they need at her house. As a stepmom I fully supplied the clothing at Mom's house. I wasn't going to let a child go without.

Clarksburg and Manassas aren’t in the same area. Our jobs and our kid’s daycare are in our area. We don’t know that she misses school when she’s with her mom unless the school or teacher informs us. She tells us when it’s too late that she didn’t have gas money or her had some car issue. I’m not bribing her, this custody idea was DH’s not mine because he wants his daughter in a stable environment.

I don't think I've seen this addressed, but is the moving also causing the child to have to move schools? How many different schools has she been in?

Another poster had a good list of things to document - how long they've lived in each place, when they haven't had housing (i.e. - couch surfing), etc.

At the end of the day, I'd talk to a lawyer and start applying pressure to mom. An 11 year old deserves to have a stable home if there's one available. Mom needs to understand this. And it's not about her being poor.

She changed schools twice when she was in second grade due to her mom moving. That was when her mom and my husband decided it was best for her to go to school in our neighborhood.

If he choose his neighborhood school, he should help with transportation more. Simple solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what way is she not stable? Is this just about moving and changing jobs? Is your step daughter changing schools all the time? If so why not just have her go to school based on your address and have her stay there even if the mom moves?

Or is she not stable in other ways?

She currently goes to a school in our neighborhood because like I said, her mom is constantly moving. We’re in Clarksburg and her mom moved to Manassas in October (and planning to move again as soon as she gets another job). There have been times when my stepdaughter missed school because her mom didn’t have gas money to get her there. My stepdaughter hates all the moving and actually wants to live with us full time and visit her mom on the weekends because with us she has her own room, a bed, and close to her friends. That’s why DH wants to pursue this.

She has a room and bed with her mom. You can help by driving her to school if she goes to your home school vs. mom's. You aren't going to get custody for that. There is no abuse or neglect and you can transfer to mom's home school so transportation is not an issue.

Way to put the needs of the child first.

"Larla, your mother can't be relied upon to provide transportation to school, so to make up for that, you need to change schools."

Larla your father and stepmother refuse to pay enough child support for transportation, so now they want to gain full custody.

Where is mom's responsibility to not get fired so she can afford to provide for her child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never seen on a thread where a dad can't get his kid to school on time, can't hold a job, can't hold stable housing, that the answer is that the woman should give him the money to cover his expenses, give him child support money (and increase it), provide him with transportation and housing, and change the child's school to be closer to dad who moves all the time.

You all are crazy.

OP, is just saying Mom has trouble with gas/getting to school. Rather than a custody grab, you help. Stepmom is probably alienating child and bribing her so that her home is better so they can get out of paying child support/helping. She wants to pretend they are one big happy family and cut mom out (and, I'd say that if the situation were reversed). They live in the same area. No reason stepmom or dad cannot help get the child to school and help with what they need at her house. As a stepmom I fully supplied the clothing at Mom's house. I wasn't going to let a child go without.

Clarksburg and Manassas aren’t in the same area. Our jobs and our kid’s daycare are in our area. We don’t know that she misses school when she’s with her mom unless the school or teacher informs us. She tells us when it’s too late that she didn’t have gas money or her had some car issue. I’m not bribing her, this custody idea was DH’s not mine because he wants his daughter in a stable environment.

I don't think I've seen this addressed, but is the moving also causing the child to have to move schools? How many different schools has she been in?

Another poster had a good list of things to document - how long they've lived in each place, when they haven't had housing (i.e. - couch surfing), etc.

At the end of the day, I'd talk to a lawyer and start applying pressure to mom. An 11 year old deserves to have a stable home if there's one available. Mom needs to understand this. And it's not about her being poor.

She changed schools twice when she was in second grade due to her mom moving. That was when her mom and my husband decided it was best for her to go to school in our neighborhood.

If he choose his neighborhood school, he should help with transportation more. Simple solution.

I haven't seen any indication that he isn't or isn't willing to - mom apparently flakes out the morning of when she doesn't have gas money or the like. The OP isn't complaining that mom is asking for that help, she's saying mom doesn't get the kid to school on time consistently, the kid is always moving around, and mom doesn't seem to be able to keep a job.

I'm team OP here - the 11 yo should be with Dad during the week, in her own house and her own room and limit the chaos and instability to weekends.

[Anonymous]

I think you could make a pretty strong case that she should be with you during the week, especially if you document the times she's missed school because her mother couldn't get her there. Maybe make sure the mom has visitation every other weekend and maybe more time in the summers?

I feel kind of bad for the mom that she can't get her sh*t together, but at the same time, kids need consistency. If my ex couldn't get our kid to school consistently, I'd file to have our custody changed so she was with me during the week.