Getting full custody

[Anonymous]

I am a woman, OP. The court has seen documentation that my DD is late only on the days she comes from her dad’s house. The judge verbally chastised him, but didn’t change custody. I offered no school nights and six weeks in the summer, but it was refused and the judge let the current arrangement stand. Schools might care about tardies; family court doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, full custody implies that your DH would be the sole legal guardian. The situation you describe doesn’t warrant that.

At most, he might get school nights with the mom getting weekends and a lot of time in the summer. It might not reduce his CS much at all.

Not true, legal and physical custody are two different things. Dad can have full physical custody with visitation to mom in pretty much any configuration the two parents can agree on -- DC stays Sun night thru TH night with you and then spends 1 Fri/Sat with Mom and the other w/ Dad. Or any amount of full weekends can go to Mom or more time in summer, whatever the parents can agree on.

That's shared custody. Not full custody. OP doesn't have any idea what she's talking about and neither do you.

[Anonymous]

How much child support does your DH pay? Not sure if you will answer honestly...

[Anonymous]

The issue is she cannot afford housing. You don't take a child away from their mother and 50/50 over housing and transportation. She lives near you. You step up and drive her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman, OP. The court has seen documentation that my DD is late only on the days she comes from her dad’s house. The judge verbally chastised him, but didn’t change custody. I offered no school nights and six weeks in the summer, but it was refused and the judge let the current arrangement stand. Schools might care about tardies; family court doesn’t.

My husband's ex refused visitation, phone calls and lied about getting child support. Just verbally chastised her and that was it. Went back to court, repeat. It will take much more than transportation and hopefully the judge will just order Dad to drive child to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what way is she not stable? Is this just about moving and changing jobs? Is your step daughter changing schools all the time? If so why not just have her go to school based on your address and have her stay there even if the mom moves?

Or is she not stable in other ways?

She currently goes to a school in our neighborhood because like I said, her mom is constantly moving. We’re in Clarksburg and her mom moved to Manassas in October (and planning to move again as soon as she gets another job). There have been times when my stepdaughter missed school because her mom didn’t have gas money to get her there. My stepdaughter hates all the moving and actually wants to live with us full time and visit her mom on the weekends because with us she has her own room, a bed, and close to her friends. That’s why DH wants to pursue this.

She has a room and bed with her mom. You can help by driving her to school if she goes to your home school vs. mom's. You aren't going to get custody for that. There is no abuse or neglect and you can transfer to mom's home school so transportation is not an issue.

Way to put the needs of the child first.

"Larla, your mother can't be relied upon to provide transportation to school, so to make up for that, you need to change schools."

Depending on which days she is with who, it may make sense. Child will probably switch for middle school soon anyway. Instead of a custody grab, they should help financially, especially with buying clothing and things for mom's house, and help drive child to school daily.

[Anonymous]

I have never seen on a thread where a dad can't get his kid to school on time, can't hold a job, can't hold stable housing, that the answer is that the woman should give him the money to cover his expenses, give him child support money (and increase it), provide him with transportation and housing, and change the child's school to be closer to dad who moves all the time.

You all are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never seen on a thread where a dad can't get his kid to school on time, can't hold a job, can't hold stable housing, that the answer is that the woman should give him the money to cover his expenses, give him child support money (and increase it), provide him with transportation and housing, and change the child's school to be closer to dad who moves all the time.

You all are crazy.

OP, is just saying Mom has trouble with gas/getting to school. Rather than a custody grab, you help. Stepmom is probably alienating child and bribing her so that her home is better so they can get out of paying child support/helping. She wants to pretend they are one big happy family and cut mom out (and, I'd say that if the situation were reversed). They live in the same area. No reason stepmom or dad cannot help get the child to school and help with what they need at her house. As a stepmom I fully supplied the clothing at Mom's house. I wasn't going to let a child go without.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much child support does your DH pay? Not sure if you will answer honestly...

$1500 plus health insurance, after care, and any extracurriculars her mom signs her up for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never seen on a thread where a dad can't get his kid to school on time, can't hold a job, can't hold stable housing, that the answer is that the woman should give him the money to cover his expenses, give him child support money (and increase it), provide him with transportation and housing, and change the child's school to be closer to dad who moves all the time.

You all are crazy.

OP, is just saying Mom has trouble with gas/getting to school. Rather than a custody grab, you help. Stepmom is probably alienating child and bribing her so that her home is better so they can get out of paying child support/helping. She wants to pretend they are one big happy family and cut mom out (and, I'd say that if the situation were reversed). They live in the same area. No reason stepmom or dad cannot help get the child to school and help with what they need at her house. As a stepmom I fully supplied the clothing at Mom's house. I wasn't going to let a child go without.

You are making ridiculous assumptions based on nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much child support does your DH pay? Not sure if you will answer honestly...

$1500 plus health insurance, after care, and any extracurriculars her mom signs her up for.

How was that calculated? It seems obvious that there's a shortfall. If you're saying the shortfall is due to the mom refusing to work, then that's a separate issue. The ethical thing to do is to take steps to help stabilize the child's mother; not to try to cut the mother out of her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never seen on a thread where a dad can't get his kid to school on time, can't hold a job, can't hold stable housing, that the answer is that the woman should give him the money to cover his expenses, give him child support money (and increase it), provide him with transportation and housing, and change the child's school to be closer to dad who moves all the time.

You all are crazy.

OP, is just saying Mom has trouble with gas/getting to school. Rather than a custody grab, you help. Stepmom is probably alienating child and bribing her so that her home is better so they can get out of paying child support/helping. She wants to pretend they are one big happy family and cut mom out (and, I'd say that if the situation were reversed). They live in the same area. No reason stepmom or dad cannot help get the child to school and help with what they need at her house. As a stepmom I fully supplied the clothing at Mom's house. I wasn't going to let a child go without.

Clarksburg and Manassas aren’t in the same area. Our jobs and our kid’s daycare are in our area. We don’t know that she misses school when she’s with her mom unless the school or teacher informs us. She tells us when it’s too late that she didn’t have gas money or her had some car issue. I’m not bribing her, this custody idea was DH’s not mine because he wants his daughter in a stable environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much child support does your DH pay? Not sure if you will answer honestly...

$1500 plus health insurance, after care, and any extracurriculars her mom signs her up for.

How was that calculated? It seems obvious that there's a shortfall. If you're saying the shortfall is due to the mom refusing to work, then that's a separate issue. The ethical thing to do is to take steps to help stabilize the child's mother; not to try to cut the mother out of her life.

It was based on his income at the time they got divorced. He gives his daughter money when she’s with her mom to make sure she eats and has everything else she needs because he doesn’t believe any of the child support money goes towards the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what way is she not stable? Is this just about moving and changing jobs? Is your step daughter changing schools all the time? If so why not just have her go to school based on your address and have her stay there even if the mom moves?

Or is she not stable in other ways?

She currently goes to a school in our neighborhood because like I said, her mom is constantly moving. We’re in Clarksburg and her mom moved to Manassas in October (and planning to move again as soon as she gets another job). There have been times when my stepdaughter missed school because her mom didn’t have gas money to get her there. My stepdaughter hates all the moving and actually wants to live with us full time and visit her mom on the weekends because with us she has her own room, a bed, and close to her friends. That’s why DH wants to pursue this.

She has a room and bed with her mom. You can help by driving her to school if she goes to your home school vs. mom's. You aren't going to get custody for that. There is no abuse or neglect and you can transfer to mom's home school so transportation is not an issue.

Way to put the needs of the child first.

"Larla, your mother can't be relied upon to provide transportation to school, so to make up for that, you need to change schools."

Larla your father and stepmother refuse to pay enough child support for transportation, so now they want to gain full custody.

So stupid. Child support is formulaic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much child support does your DH pay? Not sure if you will answer honestly...

$1500 plus health insurance, after care, and any extracurriculars her mom signs her up for.

How was that calculated? It seems obvious that there's a shortfall. If you're saying the shortfall is due to the mom refusing to work, then that's a separate issue. The ethical thing to do is to take steps to help stabilize the child's mother; not to try to cut the mother out of her life.

It was based on his income at the time they got divorced. He gives his daughter money when she’s with her mom to make sure she eats and has everything else she needs because he doesn’t believe any of the child support money goes towards the child.

If his income has increased, seeking a change in physical custody (which, despite the lunatics on this board, is clearly in the child's best interest), may open that up to recalculation.