Do you give a more expensive gift for a more expensive party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my circle (immigrants, non-white, educated) - culturally we throw pretty decent birthday parties (pizza, cake, full hot lunch or dinner, entertainer, goody bags, parents and siblings invited, alcoholic beverages for parents etc), and that is because hospitality is a way to honor our guests. The parties are less about our celebration and more about celebrating having these people in our lives. People from our cultural group will gift nicer gifts because they are not raised by wolves. $25 is lower limit, $50 is higher limit. We also do not open gifts in front of the guests. That is too crass.

White American kids have not been socialized to expect, throw or attend a nicer birthday party. They give cheap gifts and sometimes these gifts are truly ludicrous. It in on par with their parents throwing strange birthday parties with only juice and cake and not including siblings and parents. It seems that that is their cultural norm. They just have not been socialized to be hospitable.

I was pleasantly surprised when DC was invited once to a nice party thrown by the parents of DC's white classmate. Turned out they were Jews. We have been invited by Black, Hispanic, Middle Eastern and Asian classmates and they will inevitably have tons of food and will be welcoming to parents and siblings.

I tend to agree except I'm a white immigrant from the Balkans. Pretty sure all of Southern Europe is the same.

We're not quite as inclusive as Ghanaians during funerals but it's definitely a culture where we compete on the basis of who has made their guests feel more welcome, without the passive-agressive signaling that I find fairly common here.

[Anonymous]

No!

[Anonymous]

I give gifts based on the relationship with the birthday child.

I admit I do put a bit more thought into a gift if the kid is wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my circle (immigrants, non-white, educated) - culturally we throw pretty decent birthday parties (pizza, cake, full hot lunch or dinner, entertainer, goody bags, parents and siblings invited, alcoholic beverages for parents etc), and that is because hospitality is a way to honor our guests. The parties are less about our celebration and more about celebrating having these people in our lives. People from our cultural group will gift nicer gifts because they are not raised by wolves. $25 is lower limit, $50 is higher limit. We also do not open gifts in front of the guests. That is too crass.

White American kids have not been socialized to expect, throw or attend a nicer birthday party. They give cheap gifts and sometimes these gifts are truly ludicrous. It in on par with their parents throwing strange birthday parties with only juice and cake and not including siblings and parents. It seems that that is their cultural norm. They just have not been socialized to be hospitable.

I was pleasantly surprised when DC was invited once to a nice party thrown by the parents of DC's white classmate. Turned out they were Jews. We have been invited by Black, Hispanic, Middle Eastern and Asian classmates and they will inevitably have tons of food and will be welcoming to parents and siblings.

I am a non white immigrant also. I think you are not fully grasping American culture on this point. Americans are pragmatic. Kids are happy with these parties and it’s for them, not for the whole community. Informality and convenience are values. You make your guests comfortable by not making a huge deal and creating obligation to reciprocate. I ask for no gifts because I don’t want to put another to do item on fellow working moms’ to do list and I give favors that are edible or earth friendly because people hate throwing away plastic junk. These are just different ways to appreciate being with people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I'm sure the more expensive bday party didn't break the bank.
Though, for more expensive weddings, I do give more to help out the newlyweds.

But theoretically the more expensive wedding people would need it less. I give more at the low budget weddings and events not less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my circle (immigrants, non-white, educated) - culturally we throw pretty decent birthday parties (pizza, cake, full hot lunch or dinner, entertainer, goody bags, parents and siblings invited, alcoholic beverages for parents etc), and that is because hospitality is a way to honor our guests. The parties are less about our celebration and more about celebrating having these people in our lives. People from our cultural group will gift nicer gifts because they are not raised by wolves. $25 is lower limit, $50 is higher limit. We also do not open gifts in front of the guests. That is too crass.

White American kids have not been socialized to expect, throw or attend a nicer birthday party. They give cheap gifts and sometimes these gifts are truly ludicrous. It in on par with their parents throwing strange birthday parties with only juice and cake and not including siblings and parents. It seems that that is their cultural norm. They just have not been socialized to be hospitable.

I was pleasantly surprised when DC was invited once to a nice party thrown by the parents of DC's white classmate. Turned out they were Jews. We have been invited by Black, Hispanic, Middle Eastern and Asian classmates and they will inevitably have tons of food and will be welcoming to parents and siblings.

I am a non white immigrant also. I think you are not fully grasping American culture on this point. Americans are pragmatic. Kids are happy with these parties and it’s for them, not for the whole community. Informality and convenience are values. You make your guests comfortable by not making a huge deal and creating obligation to reciprocate. I ask for no gifts because I don’t want to put another to do item on fellow working moms’ to do list and I give favors that are edible or earth friendly because people hate throwing away plastic junk. These are just different ways to appreciate being with people.

No. Most people understand what reciprocity is around the world. Yes, I also give edible and earth friendly favors because too because at no one wants more junk. As for not creating more work for a working mom or dad? Well, asking that they chauffer only one child for a lame party, then come back again to pick the child up...it is creating more work for them.

When you throw a party and include siblings and parents, inviting them for lunch or dinner - parents can actually relax because they don't have to leave one kid at home, one kid at the party, come back, feed one kid, then go to pick up the other kid etc. Working parents can chill, all their kids are at one place, everyone is fed, parents get to socialize. I always hear that guests don't show up or decline invitations, and so if you invite 15 people, maybe you will get 6 people attending. That never ever happens with us. If we invite people, almost all people attend. I am sure no working parents want to create more work for themselves by splitting up their kids and then being responsible for also feeding their children. I am sure that they prefer they drive the whole family to one event, every one socializes and parents don;t have to cook that one meal at home.

The excuse that you should throw a bad party, so that the others don't have to reciprocate? Well, why don't you live a life of perpetual COVID lockdown? No socializing, no meeting people, no cooking for them. That way you neither throw a party ever and no one needs to reciprocate? This is a lonely country with broken families. This country needs a crisis hotline during Thanksgiving because cooking for anyone stresses the people out. They just have not been socialized to think of others.

[Anonymous]

I give great gifts but you don't have to. You do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my circle (immigrants, non-white, educated) - culturally we throw pretty decent birthday parties (pizza, cake, full hot lunch or dinner, entertainer, goody bags, parents and siblings invited, alcoholic beverages for parents etc), and that is because hospitality is a way to honor our guests. The parties are less about our celebration and more about celebrating having these people in our lives. People from our cultural group will gift nicer gifts because they are not raised by wolves. $25 is lower limit, $50 is higher limit. We also do not open gifts in front of the guests. That is too crass.

White American kids have not been socialized to expect, throw or attend a nicer birthday party. They give cheap gifts and sometimes these gifts are truly ludicrous. It in on par with their parents throwing strange birthday parties with only juice and cake and not including siblings and parents. It seems that that is their cultural norm. They just have not been socialized to be hospitable.

I was pleasantly surprised when DC was invited once to a nice party thrown by the parents of DC's white classmate. Turned out they were Jews. We have been invited by Black, Hispanic, Middle Eastern and Asian classmates and they will inevitably have tons of food and will be welcoming to parents and siblings.

I tend to agree except I'm a white immigrant from the Balkans. Pretty sure all of Southern Europe is the same.

We're not quite as inclusive as Ghanaians during funerals but it's definitely a culture where we compete on the basis of who has made their guests feel more welcome, without the passive-agressive signaling that I find fairly common here.

I’m Asian American. I have thrown all out parties with a party planner and also simple backyard parties. My Asian friends give better gifts but I think that is based on the relationship. Our closer white friends also give nice gifts.

I remember being upset at a party where parents were not even offered a bottle of water. Now I throw parties for the kids and don’t expect to feed parents. There are family friend parties where it is more a gathering of family and friends and then there are kid oriented parties. I don’t necessarily want or need anyone to feed my kids or me. I don’t like pizza. My kids will eat pizza but it definitely isn’t their favorite. I used to think it was rude not to feed a meal but I genuinely don’t care now. If they aren’t serving good food, I would probably rather go home or go out to eat on the way home. No big deal.

With our Asian friends, the food is the party.