Reply to Do you give a more expensive gift for a more expensive party?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In my circle (immigrants, non-white, educated) - culturally we throw pretty decent birthday parties (pizza, cake, full hot lunch or dinner, entertainer, goody bags, parents and siblings invited, alcoholic beverages for parents etc), and that is because hospitality is a way to honor our guests. The parties are less about our celebration and more about celebrating having these people in our lives.  People from our cultural  group will gift nicer gifts because they are not raised by wolves. $25 is lower limit, $50 is higher limit.  We also do not open gifts in front of the guests. That is too crass.

White American kids  have not been socialized to expect, throw or attend a nicer birthday party.  They give cheap gifts and sometimes these gifts are truly ludicrous.  It in on par with their parents  throwing strange birthday parties with only juice and cake and not including siblings and parents.  It seems that that is their cultural norm. They just have not been socialized to be hospitable.

I was pleasantly surprised when DC was invited once to a nice party thrown by the parents of DC's white classmate. Turned out they were Jews. We have been invited by Black, Hispanic, Middle Eastern and Asian classmates and they will inevitably have tons of food and will be welcoming to parents and siblings.

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I am a non white immigrant also. I think you are not fully grasping American culture on this point. Americans are pragmatic. Kids are happy with these parties and it’s for them, not for the whole community. Informality and convenience are values. You make your guests comfortable by not making a huge deal and creating obligation to reciprocate. I ask for no gifts because I don’t want to put another to do item on fellow working moms’ to do list and I give favors that are edible or earth friendly because people hate throwing away plastic junk. These are just different ways to appreciate being with people.[/quote]

No. Most people understand what reciprocity is around the world.  Yes, I also give edible and earth friendly favors because too because at no one wants more junk.  As for not creating more work for a working mom or dad? Well, asking that they chauffer only one child for a lame party, then come back again to pick the child up...it is creating more work for them.

When you throw a party and include siblings and parents, inviting them for lunch or dinner - parents can actually relax  because they don't have to leave one kid at home, one kid at the party, come back, feed one kid, then go to pick up the other kid etc. Working parents can chill, all their kids are at one place, everyone is fed, parents get to socialize.  I always hear that guests don't show up or decline invitations, and so if you invite 15 people, maybe you will get 6 people attending.  That never ever happens with us. If we invite people, almost all people attend.  I am sure no working parents want to create more work for themselves by splitting up their kids and then being responsible for also feeding their children. I am sure that they prefer they drive the whole family to one event, every one socializes and parents don;t have to cook that one meal at home.

The excuse that you should throw a bad party, so that the others don't have to reciprocate? Well, why don't you live a life of perpetual COVID lockdown? No socializing, no meeting people, no cooking for them. That way you neither throw a party ever and no one needs to reciprocate?  This is a lonely country with broken families. This country needs a crisis hotline during Thanksgiving because cooking for anyone stresses the people out. They just have not been socialized to think of others. [/quote]

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