Reply to Do you give a more expensive gift for a more expensive party?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In my circle (immigrants, non-white, educated) - culturally we throw pretty decent birthday parties (pizza, cake, full hot lunch or dinner, entertainer, goody bags, parents and siblings invited, alcoholic beverages for parents etc), and that is because hospitality is a way to honor our guests. The parties are less about our celebration and more about celebrating having these people in our lives.  People from our cultural  group will gift nicer gifts because they are not raised by wolves. $25 is lower limit, $50 is higher limit.  We also do not open gifts in front of the guests. That is too crass.

White American kids  have not been socialized to expect, throw or attend a nicer birthday party.  They give cheap gifts and sometimes these gifts are truly ludicrous.  It in on par with their parents  throwing strange birthday parties with only juice and cake and not including siblings and parents.  It seems that that is their cultural norm. They just have not been socialized to be hospitable.

I was pleasantly surprised when DC was invited once to a nice party thrown by the parents of DC's white classmate. Turned out they were Jews. We have been invited by Black, Hispanic, Middle Eastern and Asian classmates and they will inevitably have tons of food and will be welcoming to parents and siblings.

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I am a non white immigrant also. I think you are not fully grasping American culture on this point. Americans are pragmatic. Kids are happy with these parties and it’s for them, not for the whole community. Informality and convenience are values. You make your guests comfortable by not making a huge deal and creating obligation to reciprocate. I ask for no gifts because I don’t want to put another to do item on fellow working moms’ to do list and I give favors that are edible or earth friendly because people hate throwing away plastic junk. These are just different ways to appreciate being with people.[/quote]

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