Finding 3 kids w/ big age gap really challenging

[Anonymous]

10 not 20! Lol

[Anonymous]

Mom of three here. You are at the hardest time, when the baby isn’t so portable and you are the mercy of naps. Next year will be much easier when he’s down to one nap, and life will be 100% easier when naps are done completely.

Hang in there. It gets wayyyy better. I love having three and the dynamic the kids have together.

[Anonymous]

I only have 2, both boys, but they are 5.5 years apart. I actually loved this age gap, I loved that they were always at different phases, each with its own pluses and minuses. When DS2 was little, we did a lot of divide and conquer, but that stopped once DS2 stopped napping. After that, DS2 was always along for the ride... until he reached the age of 8 or so, when he started having his own activities (e.g. soccer). But by then DS1 was old enough to stay alone if he didn't want to come, or if DS1 had his own activity, DH and I split up (which is of course what any family with more than one kid involved in activities has to sometimes). But often DS1 wanted to come to DS2's games-- despite their age gap, they have always been close.

I've loved having one teenager at a time, and it's really nice that DS2 got some time as an "only" child over DS1 went away to college.

Anyway, OP, everything is a phase and will change eventually. You just have to figure out what works best for your family at each phase and be willing to adjust and make changes when you enter the next phase.

[Anonymous]

I know this thread is old and pre Covid, but i am finding harder with 3 (7, 5 and 2) is to not think of the first 2 as a unit. It’s always one with the older 2 and 1 with the youngest. It’s hard to carve out time for each of the older two. On top of that in my case, older 2 are same sex, same interest, etc. It’s easier to put them in the same activities, etc.
I am starting to realize that THIS is the biggest issue and not so much the toddler’s nap (that will disappear next year).
Once Covid is over, there will be more activities, birthday parties, play dates and possibly my concerns will be resolved.
I truly hope so because my older kids are spending too much time together and it’s great, but they also compete and get jealous because neither has her “own” life.

[Anonymous]

We have a 10-year old, a 5-year old and a 2-year old. Honestly, we saw this problem coming and we solved it by getting a live-in nanny. I tell people my youngest is fully outsourced. Once he goes to preschool and drops his nap, it will be easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to switch with your husband more often and have him stay with the baby and you go with the older children.

This will be the normal for the foreseeable future.

+1

My kids are 11(DS), 9(DS), and 3(DD). Dad has been as much of a default parent for DD as I am. In fact, he did more of the staying home with the baby than I did when we were splitting duties in the first couple of years.

It does get a little easier to bring the youngest along once they're closer to PK age. I remember taking the boys to practice when DD was a new toddler was especially frustrating, but she's now to the point where she brings her Paw Patrol toys and play by herself if she's a tag along or I can take her to a playground nearby and come back for DS at the end of practice. The boys are also in the age now where "playdates" with friends are sans parents. Fortunately they both have friends in the neighborhood, so I can just send them over.

One thing I do feel bad about is DD doesn't often get the activities that are just for her .. like the little kid play gyms and playgrounds that I used to take the boys to when they were her age.

One thing I think I've done well is get all of the kids used to going and doing routine (i.e. boring) things together like grocery shopping. It's hard in the early toddler age range, but getting everyone used to the rules and expectations makes things easier later on and the older kids also get used to being helpful with the youngest.

This is all very, very familiar to me. My kids are 13, 10, and 4.5 now (DS, DS, DD). My DD got really used to tagging along to all of her big brother's activities and I think I can literally count on one hand the number of times she's been to a little kid play gym. Of course just as I was going to add that as a regular weekend activity for her, COVID struck. We do typically do things that work well across different age groups like visiting Udvar Hazy or hiking on the weekends or going to the beach on vacation. It is nice now on the weekends I can just send my 13yo to the playground with my 4yo while I have a relaxed morning or clean up around the house or I can send my 13 and 10yos to play with their friends while I take my DD somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to switch with your husband more often and have him stay with the baby and you go with the older children.

This will be the normal for the foreseeable future.

+1

My kids are 11(DS), 9(DS), and 3(DD). Dad has been as much of a default parent for DD as I am. In fact, he did more of the staying home with the baby than I did when we were splitting duties in the first couple of years.

It does get a little easier to bring the youngest along once they're closer to PK age. I remember taking the boys to practice when DD was a new toddler was especially frustrating, but she's now to the point where she brings her Paw Patrol toys and play by herself if she's a tag along or I can take her to a playground nearby and come back for DS at the end of practice. The boys are also in the age now where "playdates" with friends are sans parents. Fortunately they both have friends in the neighborhood, so I can just send them over.

One thing I do feel bad about is DD doesn't often get the activities that are just for her .. like the little kid play gyms and playgrounds that I used to take the boys to when they were her age.

One thing I think I've done well is get all of the kids used to going and doing routine (i.e. boring) things together like grocery shopping. It's hard in the early toddler age range, but getting everyone used to the rules and expectations makes things easier later on and the older kids also get used to being helpful with the youngest.

This is all very, very familiar to me. My kids are 13, 10, and 4.5 now (DS, DS, DD). My DD got really used to tagging along to all of her big brother's activities and I think I can literally count on one hand the number of times she's been to a little kid play gym. Of course just as I was going to add that as a regular weekend activity for her, COVID struck. We do typically do things that work well across different age groups like visiting Udvar Hazy or hiking on the weekends or going to the beach on vacation. It is nice now on the weekends I can just send my 13yo to the playground with my 4yo while I have a relaxed morning or clean up around the house or I can send my 13 and 10yos to play with their friends while I take my DD somewhere.

How are you both handling not treating same sex older siblings as a unit? I am thePP with two older girls and younger boy (7.5, 5.5, 2)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to switch with your husband more often and have him stay with the baby and you go with the older children.

This will be the normal for the foreseeable future.

+1

My kids are 11(DS), 9(DS), and 3(DD). Dad has been as much of a default parent for DD as I am. In fact, he did more of the staying home with the baby than I did when we were splitting duties in the first couple of years.

It does get a little easier to bring the youngest along once they're closer to PK age. I remember taking the boys to practice when DD was a new toddler was especially frustrating, but she's now to the point where she brings her Paw Patrol toys and play by herself if she's a tag along or I can take her to a playground nearby and come back for DS at the end of practice. The boys are also in the age now where "playdates" with friends are sans parents. Fortunately they both have friends in the neighborhood, so I can just send them over.

One thing I do feel bad about is DD doesn't often get the activities that are just for her .. like the little kid play gyms and playgrounds that I used to take the boys to when they were her age.

One thing I think I've done well is get all of the kids used to going and doing routine (i.e. boring) things together like grocery shopping. It's hard in the early toddler age range, but getting everyone used to the rules and expectations makes things easier later on and the older kids also get used to being helpful with the youngest.

This is all very, very familiar to me. My kids are 13, 10, and 4.5 now (DS, DS, DD). My DD got really used to tagging along to all of her big brother's activities and I think I can literally count on one hand the number of times she's been to a little kid play gym. Of course just as I was going to add that as a regular weekend activity for her, COVID struck. We do typically do things that work well across different age groups like visiting Udvar Hazy or hiking on the weekends or going to the beach on vacation. It is nice now on the weekends I can just send my 13yo to the playground with my 4yo while I have a relaxed morning or clean up around the house or I can send my 13 and 10yos to play with their friends while I take my DD somewhere.

How are you both handling not treating same sex older siblings as a unit? I am thePP with two older girls and younger boy (7.5, 5.5, 2)

It's gotten easier as they've gotten older and developed more separate interests and friendships. My 2nd has a couple of really close friends in the neighborhood that he spends time with (at each others houses pre-COVID but now mostly outside playing with nerf guns, etc). Oldest DC has developed a real interest in writing and prefers online "academic" summer camps where 2nd DC spends the summer at outdoors camps and is basically in a semi-permanent state of being covered head to toe in dirt. This has been more in the last couple of years. At 5 & 8, they very much did everything together except for things like rec sports.

[Anonymous]

Anyone with a large gap between the first two and then closer spacing with kid 2, 3? How are you and your partner doing? I have a 6y gap between 1st and 2nd (and it’s great!) and really want a 3rd. youngest is 2.5yo now and since I am nearly 40 it is time to make a decision...

[Anonymous]

Only way to do it for us was to have each parent doing different things. IME, it gets worse when the little one also has activities and preferences of their own. Then you’re trying to get three different kids to three different activities all on the same day. At least when the youngest is little, you just throw them in the carrier and make them come along to the older ones stuff.

[Anonymous]

Does a parent need to go to the kids' practices and activities? I get that you may want to go to games or recitals, but every practice?

We have three kids with a smaller gap, 3, 5, and 7. DH and I split up as necessary. Before COVID, we sometimes had babysitters take the older kids to lessons and practices.

Playdates were drop-off for the older kids. But since COVID, we are only doing outdoor playdates, so often we just invite other whole families to play in our yard with our whole family or vice versa. The kids naturally divide up by some combination of age and interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does a parent need to go to the kids' practices and activities? I get that you may want to go to games or recitals, but every practice?

We have three kids with a smaller gap, 3, 5, and 7. DH and I split up as necessary. Before COVID, we sometimes had babysitters take the older kids to lessons and practices.

Playdates were drop-off for the older kids. But since COVID, we are only doing outdoor playdates, so often we just invite other whole families to play in our yard with our whole family or vice versa. The kids naturally divide up by some combination of age and interests.

This. We usually got rides for our kids to practices. We would never stay. Games yet but never practices.

My kids are 18, 16 and 11 so this seems like years ago but it does get easier as they get older. Sometimes logistically challenging on the ride front but overall it gets easier.

[Anonymous]

We have a 7, 5, and 2.5 year old. Things have recently gotten easier at 2.5. He can now be left alone to play with his brothers for a little while and they all can do some things together that they couldn’t in the past. 15 months is just a very tricky age no matter how many kids you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does a parent need to go to the kids' practices and activities? I get that you may want to go to games or recitals, but every practice?

We have three kids with a smaller gap, 3, 5, and 7. DH and I split up as necessary. Before COVID, we sometimes had babysitters take the older kids to lessons and practices.

Playdates were drop-off for the older kids. But since COVID, we are only doing outdoor playdates, so often we just invite other whole families to play in our yard with our whole family or vice versa. The kids naturally divide up by some combination of age and interests.

I would usually take an extra child (or children) to practices/games and then use that as time with them. Read about dinosaurs to Little Brother, with a few short breaks to watch Big Sister bat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does a parent need to go to the kids' practices and activities? I get that you may want to go to games or recitals, but every practice?

We have three kids with a smaller gap, 3, 5, and 7. DH and I split up as necessary. Before COVID, we sometimes had babysitters take the older kids to lessons and practices.

Playdates were drop-off for the older kids. But since COVID, we are only doing outdoor playdates, so often we just invite other whole families to play in our yard with our whole family or vice versa. The kids naturally divide up by some combination of age and interests.

I would usually take an extra child (or children) to practices/games and then use that as time with them. Read about dinosaurs to Little Brother, with a few short breaks to watch Big Sister bat.

If it is a win-win, I think it's great. But it seems like it's more of a burden for OP.