My pre teen is overweight

[Anonymous]

Here is the thread by the pp who "cured" her dd's childhood obesity:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/847716.page


There is great information there. Of course, typical DC urban moms thread, people attack the OP for all kinds of reasons. But she has good information there.

[Anonymous]

Does your DD participate in any shopping or cooking? Could you, as a family, have an afternoon where you plan the menu for the week, including snacks? Maybe getting your DD engaged in making the grocery list and cooking would be a start. Perhaps you could even frame the conversation as one pertaining to wanting to eat fresher foods in the new year, so planning your grocery haul around the foods that are in season and delicious - citrus, sweet potatoes, dark green veggies, etc -- and plan out the menu with everyone involved. Kids that age might be into the "ownership" aspect of getting involved and having some say. You could even plan for ONE dessert on the weekend and ask DD what her favorite is. Ask her to bake it.

The good news is that your DD is still young enough to course correct and not have to battle this her entire life.

Organized sports are also a great motivator for kids.

[Anonymous]

Uh. My kids are allowed to have dessert on Thursdays. One other day per week if we go out to a nice restaurant. I went into their school and had the cafeteria manager set it up so that they were only allowed to use their lunch accounts to purchase the main meal and no one-off snack or dessert items. I've attended lunch at their school and there are a bunch of kids eating nachos and cookies for lunch. THIS is what happens when you don't pay attention to children. Like it's a mystery how kids get obese.... calories in> calories out

[Anonymous]

Growing up my parents talked about healthy eating, healthy body weight, healthy fit bodies, physical activity, health and nutrition all the time and none of us had any body issues. It was just part of being healthy like brushing your teeth, good hygiene, etc. If you just work it into everyday conversations throughout life, then it isn't an all of a sudden out of the blue conversation that feels personal.

Mental health and hormones can play a role in weight gain but they are irrelevant in terms of what you actually weigh and whether or not you are overweight and regardless of contributing factors, you still have to address being unhealthy.

It sounds OP like you are in protective mode rather than solution mode and still in a but of denial. She needs to know she isn't healthy and the doctor is concerned. Same if she was depressed. then she wouldn't be mentally healthy, now she isn't physically healthy. Then put together a plan with her about nutrition and activity that will help both her physical and mental health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh. My kids are allowed to have dessert on Thursdays. One other day per week if we go out to a nice restaurant. I went into their school and had the cafeteria manager set it up so that they were only allowed to use their lunch accounts to purchase the main meal and no one-off snack or dessert items. I've attended lunch at their school and there are a bunch of kids eating nachos and cookies for lunch. THIS is what happens when you don't pay attention to children. Like it's a mystery how kids get obese.... calories in> calories out

Not really. My dd and ds ate chips and nachos and whatever they wanted. They are skinny young adults and were always extremely skinny. Most of the kids I know have done the same, and very few are obese. Some are skinny, some are a bit chubby, and some are just regular weight. I find that most kids have the ability to self regulate eating. It is crazy parents like you who limit and forbid certain foods that cause the issues or who model unhealthy eating. If not right now, then when your kids have more freedom and personal choice. That is because they were never allowed to make their own choices and listen to their own bodies tell them when they are full or still hungry. You should stop your condescending smirking at OP and other pps here, you have no idea how your kids will turn out as young adults when it comes to weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh. My kids are allowed to have dessert on Thursdays. One other day per week if we go out to a nice restaurant. I went into their school and had the cafeteria manager set it up so that they were only allowed to use their lunch accounts to purchase the main meal and no one-off snack or dessert items. I've attended lunch at their school and there are a bunch of kids eating nachos and cookies for lunch. THIS is what happens when you don't pay attention to children. Like it's a mystery how kids get obese.... calories in> calories out

Not really. My dd and ds ate chips and nachos and whatever they wanted. They are skinny young adults and were always extremely skinny. Most of the kids I know have done the same, and very few are obese. Some are skinny, some are a bit chubby, and some are just regular weight. I find that most kids have the ability to self regulate eating. It is crazy parents like you who limit and forbid certain foods that cause the issues or who model unhealthy eating. If not right now, then when your kids have more freedom and personal choice. That is because they were never allowed to make their own choices and listen to their own bodies tell them when they are full or still hungry. You should stop your condescending smirking at OP and other pps here, you have no idea how your kids will turn out as young adults when it comes to weight.

This was me as a child. Mom controlled food at the house due to her weight problem. My siblings and I were super thin. We were also active, walking everywhere but not in organized sports. When I went to college, it was a free for all and I’ve been obese ever since. I’m very cautious about balance with my own kids. I’ve seen my friend’s kids be overweight and a switch flips when they are 16/17 and next thing you know, they are working out and healthy. I’m more concerned over lack of activity than the food at this point

[Anonymous]

Nowadays doctors are afraid to mention weight, they use caution. For him to use the term “obese”, trust me she’s fat.

Get the junk out of the house and make daily exercise a family habit. Mirror it by exercising yourself. Limit unhealthy snacks. Cut up apples, carrots, air popped non-buttered popcorn, nuts, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh. My kids are allowed to have dessert on Thursdays. One other day per week if we go out to a nice restaurant. I went into their school and had the cafeteria manager set it up so that they were only allowed to use their lunch accounts to purchase the main meal and no one-off snack or dessert items. I've attended lunch at their school and there are a bunch of kids eating nachos and cookies for lunch. THIS is what happens when you don't pay attention to children. Like it's a mystery how kids get obese.... calories in> calories out

Not really. My dd and ds ate chips and nachos and whatever they wanted. They are skinny young adults and were always extremely skinny. Most of the kids I know have done the same, and very few are obese. Some are skinny, some are a bit chubby, and some are just regular weight. I find that most kids have the ability to self regulate eating. It is crazy parents like you who limit and forbid certain foods that cause the issues or who model unhealthy eating. If not right now, then when your kids have more freedom and personal choice. That is because they were never allowed to make their own choices and listen to their own bodies tell them when they are full or still hungry. You should stop your condescending smirking at OP and other pps here, you have no idea how your kids will turn out as young adults when it comes to weight.

Well, I had the opposite experience. I was from a family and neighborhood that let kids have free reign over what they ate and many of us ended up obese. I wasn't able to get to a healthy weight and learn how to regulate and eat healthy until my late 20s. To each their own. My children upper 60s percentile height and 50s percentile weight. So, no problems with this other than I don't want them eating cookies every single day for lunch like the fatties at their school. Literally like 50% of the kids in their classes are overweight. Wake up America.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh. My kids are allowed to have dessert on Thursdays. One other day per week if we go out to a nice restaurant. I went into their school and had the cafeteria manager set it up so that they were only allowed to use their lunch accounts to purchase the main meal and no one-off snack or dessert items. I've attended lunch at their school and there are a bunch of kids eating nachos and cookies for lunch. THIS is what happens when you don't pay attention to children. Like it's a mystery how kids get obese.... calories in> calories out

Not really. My dd and ds ate chips and nachos and whatever they wanted. They are skinny young adults and were always extremely skinny. Most of the kids I know have done the same, and very few are obese. Some are skinny, some are a bit chubby, and some are just regular weight. I find that most kids have the ability to self regulate eating. It is crazy parents like you who limit and forbid certain foods that cause the issues or who model unhealthy eating. If not right now, then when your kids have more freedom and personal choice. That is because they were never allowed to make their own choices and listen to their own bodies tell them when they are full or still hungry. You should stop your condescending smirking at OP and other pps here, you have no idea how your kids will turn out as young adults when it comes to weight.

Well, I had the opposite experience. I was from a family and neighborhood that let kids have free reign over what they ate and many of us ended up obese. I wasn't able to get to a healthy weight and learn how to regulate and eat healthy until my late 20s. To each their own. My children upper 60s percentile height and 50s percentile weight. So, no problems with this other than I don't want them eating cookies every single day for lunch like the fatties at their school. Literally like 50% of the kids in their classes are overweight. Wake up America.

That might happen, usually when the food that is available is fast food, or not home cooked or extremely heavy food. In these scenarios adults do model eating, just overeating. So, you were likely not having healthy meals available. I never said you should have cookies every single day, nor boxes of cookies daily. I stand by what I think, I think adults are either restricting or modeling eating habits that made them and will make their kids overweight. Home cooking healthy foods, modeling moderation, providing snacks but also healthy snacks is important. Nobody needs 10 bags of potato chips in the house, but if my kids wanted a snack, chips, or cookies they would get them and could get them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Exercise is only a small part of the battle. Food is 80% of it. You might be able to overcome a bad diet with exercise while young with a screaming metabolism but that won’t last for long.

This, this, this. You lose weight in the kitchen and you tone at the gym.

Luckily for your child, she has growth on her side. What that means is that even if her weight stays the same for the next year, she will grow taller and therefore her BMI will decrease.

Make the exercise a family thing. Go on walks, go shoot hoops, take up running or just walk the dog. Swim or do yoga. DH likes to ride bikes with the kids. You can do it in the winter, just not when it is snowing.

And really watch what you are putting on the table and into the pantry. Make them healthy options. Make sure you have lots of fresh veggies for snacks. Celery, carrots, and cut up peppers disappear in my house in a minute. Two of my kids can't walk past the freezer in the evenings without grabbing a handful of frozen peas! Have at it, kid. Put out plenty of protein and vegetables, but just a bit of starch. See if you can get away with cauliflower rice.

Help her fix it now before it snowballs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh. My kids are allowed to have dessert on Thursdays. One other day per week if we go out to a nice restaurant. I went into their school and had the cafeteria manager set it up so that they were only allowed to use their lunch accounts to purchase the main meal and no one-off snack or dessert items. I've attended lunch at their school and there are a bunch of kids eating nachos and cookies for lunch. THIS is what happens when you don't pay attention to children. Like it's a mystery how kids get obese.... calories in> calories out

Not really. My dd and ds ate chips and nachos and whatever they wanted. They are skinny young adults and were always extremely skinny. Most of the kids I know have done the same, and very few are obese. Some are skinny, some are a bit chubby, and some are just regular weight. I find that most kids have the ability to self regulate eating. It is crazy parents like you who limit and forbid certain foods that cause the issues or who model unhealthy eating. If not right now, then when your kids have more freedom and personal choice. That is because they were never allowed to make their own choices and listen to their own bodies tell them when they are full or still hungry. You should stop your condescending smirking at OP and other pps here, you have no idea how your kids will turn out as young adults when it comes to weight.

I think you just got lucky. My husband and siblings grew up like your kids. They were thin growing up but really struggle with weight as adults. They were not taught to regulate and do not naturally regulate--when they were younger and very active their metabolism helped ... until it didn't. I grew up in a house with one scheduled snack per day. The only option around if you wanted to grab something extra was fruit. We typically only had dessert on weekends or at grandparents. My siblings and I are all thin, not snackers, and don't really work at it.

I try to model healthy eating and just not have nachos and other junk food around. I disagree that "most kids have the ability to self regulate eating" and every study on US children would seem to disagree too. In a culture with so much crappy unhealthy food available everywhere, kids need to be taught how to eat in a healthy way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh. My kids are allowed to have dessert on Thursdays. One other day per week if we go out to a nice restaurant. I went into their school and had the cafeteria manager set it up so that they were only allowed to use their lunch accounts to purchase the main meal and no one-off snack or dessert items. I've attended lunch at their school and there are a bunch of kids eating nachos and cookies for lunch. THIS is what happens when you don't pay attention to children. Like it's a mystery how kids get obese.... calories in> calories out

Not really. My dd and ds ate chips and nachos and whatever they wanted. They are skinny young adults and were always extremely skinny. Most of the kids I know have done the same, and very few are obese. Some are skinny, some are a bit chubby, and some are just regular weight. I find that most kids have the ability to self regulate eating. It is crazy parents like you who limit and forbid certain foods that cause the issues or who model unhealthy eating. If not right now, then when your kids have more freedom and personal choice. That is because they were never allowed to make their own choices and listen to their own bodies tell them when they are full or still hungry. You should stop your condescending smirking at OP and other pps here, you have no idea how your kids will turn out as young adults when it comes to weight.

I think you just got lucky. My husband and siblings grew up like your kids. They were thin growing up but really struggle with weight as adults. They were not taught to regulate and do not naturally regulate--when they were younger and very active their metabolism helped ... until it didn't. I grew up in a house with one scheduled snack per day. The only option around if you wanted to grab something extra was fruit. We typically only had dessert on weekends or at grandparents. My siblings and I are all thin, not snackers, and don't really work at it.

I try to model healthy eating and just not have nachos and other junk food around. I disagree that "most kids have the ability to self regulate eating" and every study on US children would seem to disagree too. In a culture with so much crappy unhealthy food available everywhere, kids need to be taught how to eat in a healthy way.

This is why I struggle!! Regulate them and show them what to eat and when, don't regulate them so they learn to live in real world. Both sound reasonable.

FWIW, the ped told us to not withhold but to teach them restraint and small portions. I'm on board with that in theory but not totally in practice. I mean, I rarely buy chips because I know I will just eat all the chips. Sometimes it's easier to not have it there.

My kids aren't overweight but I am trying to think of how to set them up well for adulthood and everything is conflicting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh. My kids are allowed to have dessert on Thursdays. One other day per week if we go out to a nice restaurant. I went into their school and had the cafeteria manager set it up so that they were only allowed to use their lunch accounts to purchase the main meal and no one-off snack or dessert items. I've attended lunch at their school and there are a bunch of kids eating nachos and cookies for lunch. THIS is what happens when you don't pay attention to children. Like it's a mystery how kids get obese.... calories in> calories out

Not really. My dd and ds ate chips and nachos and whatever they wanted. They are skinny young adults and were always extremely skinny. Most of the kids I know have done the same, and very few are obese. Some are skinny, some are a bit chubby, and some are just regular weight. I find that most kids have the ability to self regulate eating. It is crazy parents like you who limit and forbid certain foods that cause the issues or who model unhealthy eating. If not right now, then when your kids have more freedom and personal choice. That is because they were never allowed to make their own choices and listen to their own bodies tell them when they are full or still hungry. You should stop your condescending smirking at OP and other pps here, you have no idea how your kids will turn out as young adults when it comes to weight.

I think you just got lucky. My husband and siblings grew up like your kids. They were thin growing up but really struggle with weight as adults. They were not taught to regulate and do not naturally regulate--when they were younger and very active their metabolism helped ... until it didn't. I grew up in a house with one scheduled snack per day. The only option around if you wanted to grab something extra was fruit. We typically only had dessert on weekends or at grandparents. My siblings and I are all thin, not snackers, and don't really work at it.

I try to model healthy eating and just not have nachos and other junk food around. I disagree that "most kids have the ability to self regulate eating" and every study on US children would seem to disagree too. In a culture with so much crappy unhealthy food available everywhere, kids need to be taught how to eat in a healthy way.

Perhaps you are right. My kids did grow up overseas until 11 years old. I cooked and most of the food offered was what I made. We would go out for Sunday lunch, but that was about it. We did allow cookies and chips, but not that I read your comment, it was not like we had piles and piles of snack or fast food. I think my idea of allowing kids whatever they wanted is true, but they never had huge appetites to start with. Perhaps my kids got good habits prior to coming here? I did also find it harder once in the DMV not to grab fast food on the way home from school or work! I admit to that. It could also be genetic, dh and I are pretty slim people.
Thanks for your feedback. I realize now that I projected my idea of unlimited snacks and how my kids eat to how I grew up and how my kids grew up. I also grew up with home cooked food, and like you we were not forbidden anything, but desert was crepes when grandma made them, (usually once a week, and I did the same with my kids) or asking mom or dad for money to go and buy a bag of chips or ice cream. My grandma followed the same schedule that it sounds like you had, we had a snack in the morning, none in the afternoon, but my snack was bread and some fat on it, usually pork lard(that we made from our own pigs) or butter. In season, we would have strawberries with sugar and home made tart cherry juice. Sorry everyone for generalizing based on my experience!

[Anonymous]

^^now that I read

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We do make good choices and exercise as a family. We found out that she was ditching the healthy lunches we packed and was buying fried foods at school. We have shut off her lunch pin so she can’t do that anymore.

I’m not in the dark about her weight. Just think the BMI is BS and most doctors don’t understand nutrition, female hormone systems, and mental health. At least none I’ve met that go beyond lecture and lip service.

I'm going to agree with you.

Your biggest challenge is not causing an obsession with weight.

Never harp on her, never force her to eat.

Do not make unhealthy foods a battle. Everything in moderation.

Add family walks, hikes to fun places on weekends. Even if that means exploring more or getting up a little earlier.

OP I totally agree wrt to nutrition, female hormone systems, and mental health. And if she is pre- early- pubescent, you already know there can be a "thickening" stage that precedes the "lengthening" stage. It's like, for some kids, first the body mades excess fat, and then it figures out where to store it nicely.

In my opinion, the key to helping DD with exercise / food, without creating or feeding a complex, is to get DD on board. She has to be engaged and empowered. Talk to her. Ask her about the carb-loading, ask what she thought of the doctor's opinion. Ask what makes her feel strong, what makes her feel comfortable in her skin, what fuel she needs. Listen to the answers.

You've got this!

Huh this is the first time I've heard about this. Children have high metabolisms and should not be fat (except maybe babies/toddlers).

All three of my kids went through this.