My pre teen is overweight

[Anonymous]

How old is she?

Also, are you overweight?

[Anonymous]

My DH and I were overweight kids, so my philosophy is make them choose good habits. Mine are allowed one small treat a day (either in lunchbox or after school)—they choose. Never at night though. The other is 3 meals plus one snack and nothing else. The only rule is one fruit or vegetable has to included in each. Eating at home is healthy, but I want them to make good choices when they are away from home.

[Anonymous]

Stop enabling and make sure she sees Instagram influencers, they are the standard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop enabling and make sure she sees Instagram influencers, they are the standard

Could this advice be any worse? OP, I’m sure you already know you should ignore this.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We do make good choices and exercise as a family. We found out that she was ditching the healthy lunches we packed and was buying fried foods at school. We have shut off her lunch pin so she can’t do that anymore.

I’m not in the dark about her weight. Just think the BMI is BS and most doctors don’t understand nutrition, female hormone systems, and mental health. At least none I’ve met that go beyond lecture and lip service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We do make good choices and exercise as a family. We found out that she was ditching the healthy lunches we packed and was buying fried foods at school. We have shut off her lunch pin so she can’t do that anymore.

I’m not in the dark about her weight. Just think the BMI is BS and most doctors don’t understand nutrition, female hormone systems, and mental health. At least none I’ve met that go beyond lecture and lip service.

I'm going to agree with you.

Your biggest challenge is not causing an obsession with weight.

Never harp on her, never force her to eat.

Do not make unhealthy foods a battle. Everything in moderation.

Add family walks, hikes to fun places on weekends. Even if that means exploring more or getting up a little earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We do make good choices and exercise as a family. We found out that she was ditching the healthy lunches we packed and was buying fried foods at school. We have shut off her lunch pin so she can’t do that anymore.

I’m not in the dark about her weight. Just think the BMI is BS and most doctors don’t understand nutrition, female hormone systems, and mental health. At least none I’ve met that go beyond lecture and lip service.

You are going to regret not doing more now when you have more control over her diet. By not accepting that she is in fact obese and not merely overweight, you are in denial of a serious problem. You need to do more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We do make good choices and exercise as a family. We found out that she was ditching the healthy lunches we packed and was buying fried foods at school. We have shut off her lunch pin so she can’t do that anymore.

I’m not in the dark about her weight. Just think the BMI is BS and most doctors don’t understand nutrition, female hormone systems, and mental health. At least none I’ve met that go beyond lecture and lip service.

I agree that BMI is BS, and that most doctors have no idea, re: nutrition. I’m in a very different boat, as one of my daughters is anorexic, but I found the doctors to be useless for that.

I have another daughter at a healthy weight. She is 11. BMI says she is overweight, but does not account for puberty. DD has had her period for months and has fully developed breasts. Of course her weight is much higher than an 11 year old in a 100% pre-pubertal body. Yet their weights are compared directly.

I would talk less about “eat less bad food” and more about “eat enough nutritious food.” You need to eat vegetables before dessert because you need fiber and vitamins. You don’t want your poor child to go without nutrition, so you don’t want her to be too full from ice cream to eat vegetables.

I think this approach can help the focus stay in a healthy place, rather than veering off into disordered territory.

[Anonymous]

OP, ten and twenty and thirty years ago, fewer children were overweight or obese. They use old charts that were normed in the 70s. Kids are not significantly taller now, just fatter. Your eyes don't see it.

So I don't agree with you about BMI. It's not great but it's not a trick. Your DD is not big boned, she eats too much.

https://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpao/growthcharts/training/overview/page4.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call troll.

Why? Very common problem that many households deals with.

Which is why the troll knows this will work. Suckers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We do make good choices and exercise as a family. We found out that she was ditching the healthy lunches we packed and was buying fried foods at school. We have shut off her lunch pin so she can’t do that anymore.

I’m not in the dark about her weight. Just think the BMI is BS and most doctors don’t understand nutrition, female hormone systems, and mental health. At least none I’ve met that go beyond lecture and lip service.

I'm going to agree with you.

Your biggest challenge is not causing an obsession with weight.

Never harp on her, never force her to eat.

Do not make unhealthy foods a battle. Everything in moderation.

Add family walks, hikes to fun places on weekends. Even if that means exploring more or getting up a little earlier.

OP I totally agree wrt to nutrition, female hormone systems, and mental health. And if she is pre- early- pubescent, you already know there can be a "thickening" stage that precedes the "lengthening" stage. It's like, for some kids, first the body mades excess fat, and then it figures out where to store it nicely.

In my opinion, the key to helping DD with exercise / food, without creating or feeding a complex, is to get DD on board. She has to be engaged and empowered. Talk to her. Ask her about the carb-loading, ask what she thought of the doctor's opinion. Ask what makes her feel strong, what makes her feel comfortable in her skin, what fuel she needs. Listen to the answers.

You've got this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We do make good choices and exercise as a family. We found out that she was ditching the healthy lunches we packed and was buying fried foods at school. We have shut off her lunch pin so she can’t do that anymore.

I’m not in the dark about her weight. Just think the BMI is BS and most doctors don’t understand nutrition, female hormone systems, and mental health. At least none I’ve met that go beyond lecture and lip service.

I'm going to agree with you.

Your biggest challenge is not causing an obsession with weight.

Never harp on her, never force her to eat.

Do not make unhealthy foods a battle. Everything in moderation.

Add family walks, hikes to fun places on weekends. Even if that means exploring more or getting up a little earlier.

OP I totally agree wrt to nutrition, female hormone systems, and mental health. And if she is pre- early- pubescent, you already know there can be a "thickening" stage that precedes the "lengthening" stage. It's like, for some kids, first the body mades excess fat, and then it figures out where to store it nicely.

In my opinion, the key to helping DD with exercise / food, without creating or feeding a complex, is to get DD on board. She has to be engaged and empowered. Talk to her. Ask her about the carb-loading, ask what she thought of the doctor's opinion. Ask what makes her feel strong, what makes her feel comfortable in her skin, what fuel she needs. Listen to the answers.

You've got this!

Huh this is the first time I've heard about this. Children have high metabolisms and should not be fat (except maybe babies/toddlers).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We do make good choices and exercise as a family. We found out that she was ditching the healthy lunches we packed and was buying fried foods at school. We have shut off her lunch pin so she can’t do that anymore.

I’m not in the dark about her weight. Just think the BMI is BS and most doctors don’t understand nutrition, female hormone systems, and mental health. At least none I’ve met that go beyond lecture and lip service.

So you think your doctor is too stupid to understand nutrition and yet this is the person you rely on for medical advice about your child? If your doctor really is that stupid you need to go to a different doctor but the more likely answer is that your doctor, a trained medical professional, knows more about these issues than you do and you should listen to them.

[Anonymous]

For 99% of people, BMI is not BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We do make good choices and exercise as a family. We found out that she was ditching the healthy lunches we packed and was buying fried foods at school. We have shut off her lunch pin so she can’t do that anymore.

I’m not in the dark about her weight. Just think the BMI is BS and most doctors don’t understand nutrition, female hormone systems, and mental health. At least none I’ve met that go beyond lecture and lip service.

So you think your doctor is too stupid to understand nutrition and yet this is the person you rely on for medical advice about your child? If your doctor really is that stupid you need to go to a different doctor but the more likely answer is that your doctor, a trained medical professional, knows more about these issues than you do and you should listen to them.

A doctor being able to diagnose strep and prescribe antibiotics is different from a doctor being able to understand a young girl and nutrition.

I assume you haven’t been a woman misdiagnosed by doctors your entire life?

OP, I get what you’re saying.