Mystery with nanny and Christmas bonus

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the family member stealing it and her not wanting to admit it to herself is a good guess. If you'd replaced the "lost" money the first time I'd be more inclined to think it was a scam.

I have friends who used the same cleaning lady for 4 years, and when they were out of town she brought her teenaged son with her when she came to clean. He dumped out a huge water bottle (like a water cooler bottle) of change that he found in their closet, picked out everything bigger than a dime, and put all the pennies and nickels back in. They had cameras, they watched it when they got back. She *would not believe* that he would steal from them, so they had to let her go. In the end it wasn't much money, but it was a judgment problem. Bringing him, not watching him, refusing to believe the evidence. I think it is something about parents - better to believe a fantasy (my big annual bonus is so slippery I must have dropped it again!) then the more obvious truth.

We had a similar experience - our cleaning lady brought her boyfriend (whom we did not know at all) in with her while we were away and we caught it all on camera. And with another nanny, we went out of state for holiday vacation during which period she used our credit card number to buy all sorts of gifts for her family. I guess she thought I didn't check the bills. We had to confront her and show her the charges (Alexandria Bike shop, etc.) and she played dumb and hemmed and hawed. We set up a payment plan so that all of the charges (significant) were taken out of her weekly paycheck but in retrospect we should have let her go that moment.

No, you should have called the police and had her arrested. That's a crime. JFC.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she forgot she tried it last year. Or she thought you'd forget. Maybe she has friends who this has worked for and they talk about it.

[Anonymous]

t’s not a scam. She knows from last year that you did nothing to replace the money.

My guess is that someone in her family is stealing from her and she can’t ring herself to face it.

Why replace her? She isn’t doing anything to you. You gave her a gift and she lost it. It has nothing to do with you.

I completely agree with this too. It’s not a scam. She is stressed, someone is stealing, or she has misplaced it. She’s upset and feels terrible about it. Give her the benefit of the doubt. You didn’t reimburse her last time, why would she think you would this time.
I understand why you’re annoyed. It’s feels bad. You both need to let it go.

[prettylittlething]

Nanny here - your nanny probably used the money for gifts/bills and is too shy to admit she really needed it/ask for an advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she forgot she tried it last year. Or she thought you'd forget. Maybe she has friends who this has worked for and they talk about it.

+1

OP, write a check next time. You can cancel a check for a minimal fee. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she forgot she tried it last year. Or she thought you'd forget. Maybe she has friends who this has worked for and they talk about it.

+1

OP, write a check next time. You can cancel a check for a minimal fee. Done.

Op here. I guess part of it is, we probably should be taking taxes out on it. So I’d prefer to either do cash or pay her via our normal payroll service. I don’t really want to write her a personal check out of my account. Especially given I’ve got some trust issues with her.

I guess we will do a money order next time but it’s just another annoying thing on my list. I’m annoyed with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly this is sort of par for the course. I mean this kindly, but a lot of poor people have drama like this. My favorite cousin has an emergency nearly every day of the year. And because of the stress of all her money/job/guy problems, she then develops health problems.

I disagree. I have employed three housekeepers who most people would consider low income and they have all been very careful with their money.

+1 Poor people very rarely "lose" money. Drama, yes. Emergencies, yes. But losing money is not normal, especially two years in a row.

Especially not a significant amount!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she forgot she tried it last year. Or she thought you'd forget. Maybe she has friends who this has worked for and they talk about it.

+1

OP, write a check next time. You can cancel a check for a minimal fee. Done.

Op here. I guess part of it is, we probably should be taking taxes out on it. So I’d prefer to either do cash or pay her via our normal payroll service. I don’t really want to write her a personal check out of my account. Especially given I’ve got some trust issues with her.

I guess we will do a money order next time but it’s just another annoying thing on my list. I’m annoyed with her.

Cashier’s check. Nobody else can deposit it, and you can hand the bank cash for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she forgot she tried it last year. Or she thought you'd forget. Maybe she has friends who this has worked for and they talk about it.

+1

OP, write a check next time. You can cancel a check for a minimal fee. Done.

Op here. I guess part of it is, we probably should be taking taxes out on it. So I’d prefer to either do cash or pay her via our normal payroll service. I don’t really want to write her a personal check out of my account. Especially given I’ve got some trust issues with her.

I guess we will do a money order next time but it’s just another annoying thing on my list. I’m annoyed with her.

Cashier’s check. Nobody else can deposit it, and you can hand the bank cash for it.

Money orders and cashiers checks are the same as cash though, right? If they’re lost they’re lost for good?

[Anonymous]

Stop paying cash. Take out the taxes. Tell her she’d obviously be better off with direct deposit or however you normally pay her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she forgot she tried it last year. Or she thought you'd forget. Maybe she has friends who this has worked for and they talk about it.

+1

OP, write a check next time. You can cancel a check for a minimal fee. Done.

Op here. I guess part of it is, we probably should be taking taxes out on it. So I’d prefer to either do cash or pay her via our normal payroll service. I don’t really want to write her a personal check out of my account. Especially given I’ve got some trust issues with her.

I guess we will do a money order next time but it’s just another annoying thing on my list. I’m annoyed with her.

Cashier’s check. Nobody else can deposit it, and you can hand the bank cash for it.

There should not be a next time. If you do not trust her with a personal check, you should not be trusting her with your children.

[Anonymous]

OP, perhaps your bonus is very small and Nany is just trying to
get it up to the correct level by asking twice?

How much of a bonus was it anyway? Do tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, perhaps your bonus is very small and Nany is just trying to
get it up to the correct level by asking twice?

How much of a bonus was it anyway? Do tell.

OP already did. $700.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, perhaps your bonus is very small and Nany is just trying to
get it up to the correct level by asking twice?

How much of a bonus was it anyway? Do tell.

OP already did. $700.

Op here. Yes this is correct. We also live in another part of the US where the cost of living is much lower, so this is a significant amount of money.

[Anonymous]

OP, perhaps your bonus is very small and Nany is just trying to
get it up to the correct level by asking twice?

How much of a bonus was it anyway? Do tell.

WTF. You are a bitch. Read the thread and respond appropriately.