Mystery with nanny and Christmas bonus

[Anonymous]

*scam

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you have this person watching your kids - at best she's hopelessly irresponsible and at worst she's trying to scan you. Seriously?

Also - VENMO.

Op here. Well it’s only now that it happened a 2nd time that it seems like a pattern. The first time it just seemed like a terrible mistake. I’ve made mistakes in my life before so I was annoyed but wouldn’t have fired her for it.

[Anonymous]

I think the family member stealing it and her not wanting to admit it to herself is a good guess. If you'd replaced the "lost" money the first time I'd be more inclined to think it was a scam.

I have friends who used the same cleaning lady for 4 years, and when they were out of town she brought her teenaged son with her when she came to clean. He dumped out a huge water bottle (like a water cooler bottle) of change that he found in their closet, picked out everything bigger than a dime, and put all the pennies and nickels back in. They had cameras, they watched it when they got back. She *would not believe* that he would steal from them, so they had to let her go. In the end it wasn't much money, but it was a judgment problem. Bringing him, not watching him, refusing to believe the evidence. I think it is something about parents - better to believe a fantasy (my big annual bonus is so slippery I must have dropped it again!) then the more obvious truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the family member stealing it and her not wanting to admit it to herself is a good guess. If you'd replaced the "lost" money the first time I'd be more inclined to think it was a scam.

I have friends who used the same cleaning lady for 4 years, and when they were out of town she brought her teenaged son with her when she came to clean. He dumped out a huge water bottle (like a water cooler bottle) of change that he found in their closet, picked out everything bigger than a dime, and put all the pennies and nickels back in. They had cameras, they watched it when they got back. She *would not believe* that he would steal from them, so they had to let her go. In the end it wasn't much money, but it was a judgment problem. Bringing him, not watching him, refusing to believe the evidence. I think it is something about parents - better to believe a fantasy (my big annual bonus is so slippery I must have dropped it again!) then the more obvious truth.

Op here. Yes I agree. She needs it to be something other than her boyfriend or kids stealing from her.

It was a lot of cash, in like $20s and $50s. Nanny tends to wear her jeans very tight. I can’t imagine how the money would fall out, and if it did, I can’t imagine how you wouldn’t see it lying on the ground. The nanny claims it must have fallen out of her jeans pocket when her jeans were like between her legs while she was peeing at the gas station. I don’t physically see how that could have actually happened given how tight her jeans are. But even if it did, wouldn’t it be devastating enough that you’d never ever ever let it happen again?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you’re being dim. I think normally people look for the good and other people rather than be suspicious all the time. Are there any other examples of strange behavior or excuses for things happening or lateness? It could just be a 1 off issue or it could be a pattern and you just don’t know it. I commented above that I don’t think you could really come back from this.

[Anonymous]

Nanny: Oh no! I misplaced the cash you gave me again this year.
You: Oh man, that sucks.

~fin~

[Anonymous]

It's so strange that she keeps coming to you with this story. If I had lost a gift, the last thing I would do is tell the giver that I had been so careless. Then she asks for cash this year, loses it AGAIN, and cries to you about it? If she really is this careless, you'd think the last thing she would do is let her employer know. Who wants their employer thinking they're a halfwit?

[Anonymous]

Honestly this is sort of par for the course. I mean this kindly, but a lot of poor people have drama like this. My favorite cousin has an emergency nearly every day of the year. And because of the stress of all her money/job/guy problems, she then develops health problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny: Oh no! I misplaced the cash you gave me again this year.
You: Oh man, that sucks.

~fin~

Op here. I agree-I definitely won’t be doing anything to remedy this for her. It does infuriate me on a visceral level though, because we were extremely generous and it makes me crazy to think that money was wasted. I wish she hadn’t told me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the family member stealing it and her not wanting to admit it to herself is a good guess. If you'd replaced the "lost" money the first time I'd be more inclined to think it was a scam.

I have friends who used the same cleaning lady for 4 years, and when they were out of town she brought her teenaged son with her when she came to clean. He dumped out a huge water bottle (like a water cooler bottle) of change that he found in their closet, picked out everything bigger than a dime, and put all the pennies and nickels back in. They had cameras, they watched it when they got back. She *would not believe* that he would steal from them, so they had to let her go. In the end it wasn't much money, but it was a judgment problem. Bringing him, not watching him, refusing to believe the evidence. I think it is something about parents - better to believe a fantasy (my big annual bonus is so slippery I must have dropped it again!) then the more obvious truth.

We had a similar experience - our cleaning lady brought her boyfriend (whom we did not know at all) in with her while we were away and we caught it all on camera. And with another nanny, we went out of state for holiday vacation during which period she used our credit card number to buy all sorts of gifts for her family. I guess she thought I didn't check the bills. We had to confront her and show her the charges (Alexandria Bike shop, etc.) and she played dumb and hemmed and hawed. We set up a payment plan so that all of the charges (significant) were taken out of her weekly paycheck but in retrospect we should have let her go that moment.

[Anonymous]

I couldn’t get past that she was using the bathroom at the gas station. She leaves your house and then finds herself at the gas station bathroom? I’d have to restrain myself from picking apart her story. I think she’s dim and trying to scam you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t get past that she was using the bathroom at the gas station. She leaves your house and then finds herself at the gas station bathroom? I’d have to restrain myself from picking apart her story. I think she’s dim and trying to scam you.

Op here. I had the same thought!!! She only lives a 5 minute drive from my house, and doesn’t ever go out of town. So I had the same thought. I only Have ever used gas station bathrooms on long road trips.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised that you didn’t switch to direct depositing her bonus after the first time. This would raise a red flag to me that she has money problems and sees you as a deep pocket. Are you sure she isn’t stealing from you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised that you didn’t switch to direct depositing her bonus after the first time. This would raise a red flag to me that she has money problems and sees you as a deep pocket. Are you sure she isn’t stealing from you?

Op here. I know she isn’t stealing.

We normally do direct deposit. This is an exception, because it’s a gift, and we aren’t taking taxes out on it. That made me not want to direct deposit it. We normally have a payroll service do everything for us but this was going through a separate channel since it’s a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly this is sort of par for the course. I mean this kindly, but a lot of poor people have drama like this. My favorite cousin has an emergency nearly every day of the year. And because of the stress of all her money/job/guy problems, she then develops health problems.

Op here. I think you’re right. She does always have lots of weird little crises like this, all the time.