Dear parents: your children are more capable than you think

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love if my kids preschool teacher would actually tell me what their expectations for my kids are outright. I am happy to help them learn (even how to be more independent) but I am not an expert at early childhood development. I know what the pediatrician or my friends have mentioned.

If being gentle isn’t getting the message across, then tell me what you you expect in the classroom so we can model it at home, too.

I have no problem with this post just don’t assume that just because we are parents, we know what we are supposed to know all the time.

Just read the op and take it to heart. Zero reason to respond defensively and with excuses. Start now.

No. I didn't read this as defensive AT ALL. I learned so much from my son's daycare teacher and preschool teachers (I stayed at home for several years after age one). I read some books and kept up in the CDC milestones, for sure. But there were many incidents of "oh, wow, my baby is supposed to be able to use a spoon?" In preschool, the teacher taught the kids how to do this flip technique for coats. Previously, I'd been helping my 3yo son put on his coat because he wasn't coordinated enough to do it the regular way. And I was unaware of the "preschool flip."

I very much appreciated that our preschool listed some practical things among their learning goals (along with ABCs, etc). At the beginning of K or first, the teacher sent an email home with expectations like tying shoes, keeping track of gloves and hats, hand washing and being able to deal with clothing to go to bathroom without help. I see no problem with PP's suggestions to the op.

I also really like OP's post and agree with her too.

[Anonymous]

21:58 here. I'm a new poster, not the pp.

[Anonymous]

No, sorry. Posters on another thread swear they have no choice but to let their kids eat constantly and never while sitting. Simply isn’t doable.

Other threads swear that not toilet training until 3.5 got their kid into an Ivy.

DCUM is excuses after excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spoken as a preschool teacher with no training or kids. Spoken as someone who never dealt with special needs and a child who has no understanding of their name let alone a trash can.

Oh look, here's special needs mom. It's obvious that OP is talking about a typically abled child and not children with special needs. Get off your high horse.

OP and you need to get off your high horse and realize how offensive posts like this are. No reason a toddler or preschooler cannot be nurtured and have things done for them. They are very young kids. Sounds like OP and you are either too lazy or not very nurturing.

So you don't think young children are capable. They are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spoken as a preschool teacher with no training or kids. Spoken as someone who never dealt with special needs and a child who has no understanding of their name let alone a trash can.

Oh look, here's special needs mom. It's obvious that OP is talking about a typically abled child and not children with special needs. Get off your high horse.

OP and you need to get off your high horse and realize how offensive posts like this are. No reason a toddler or preschooler cannot be nurtured and have things done for them. They are very young kids. Sounds like OP and you are either too lazy or not very nurturing.

So you don't think young children are capable. They are.

I think it depends on the child but I also think those early years are important for nurturing and supporting your kids and you can do both. Its not all or nothing. If you do a lot of things for your kids early on, it does't make them less capable teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love if my kids preschool teacher would actually tell me what their expectations for my kids are outright. I am happy to help them learn (even how to be more independent) but I am not an expert at early childhood development. I know what the pediatrician or my friends have mentioned.

If being gentle isn’t getting the message across, then tell me what you you expect in the classroom so we can model it at home, too.

I have no problem with this post just don’t assume that just because we are parents, we know what we are supposed to know all the time.

Just read the op and take it to heart. Zero reason to respond defensively and with excuses. Start now.

No. I didn't read this as defensive AT ALL. I learned so much from my son's daycare teacher and preschool teachers (I stayed at home for several years after age one). I read some books and kept up in the CDC milestones, for sure. But there were many incidents of "oh, wow, my baby is supposed to be able to use a spoon?" In preschool, the teacher taught the kids how to do this flip technique for coats. Previously, I'd been helping my 3yo son put on his coat because he wasn't coordinated enough to do it the regular way. And I was unaware of the "preschool flip."

I very much appreciated that our preschool listed some practical things among their learning goals (along with ABCs, etc). At the beginning of K or first, the teacher sent an email home with expectations like tying shoes, keeping track of gloves and hats, hand washing and being able to deal with clothing to go to bathroom without help. I see no problem with PP's suggestions to the op.

I also really like OP's post and agree with her too.

Actually most of those things you should know or do as parents. Really its not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spoken as a preschool teacher with no training or kids. Spoken as someone who never dealt with special needs and a child who has no understanding of their name let alone a trash can.

Not the OP, but I am also a preschool teacher with training and 15 years experience, children of my own, and I have special needs children in my class. I fully agree with the OP. I have high exceptions for the kids in my class and all the parents appreciate it, they are all in awe at the things they can do in class. I do set age appropriate goals for the kids and I’m not going to ask them to do something I know they can’t do.

Most kids with "SN" in your class are not SN in that sense. Most have delays. If they have true SN or that behind most parents remove them for programs geared to their SN. Very few preschools, especially past 3/4 will work with kids with true SN.

[Anonymous]

I 100% agree with OP and appreciate the post. I was shocked when my first kid started preschool. They had her drinking out of a regular cup (I was still using straw or sippy cups out of habit) and clearing her snack trash herself. She was putting on her coat and opening all her lunch items herself and doing so many things that I was so used to assuming I needed to help with. Not because I had some “interdependence” parenting philosophy, but because I just didn’t realize what would happen if I stepped back for a minute (or 10, in some cases). Our preschool teachers communicated OP’s exact point to us from the get go, thankfully, so it set the tone for developing independence as a goal of starting preschool right out of the gate. I wouldn’t be surprised if OP teaches at our school. Now, after 3 kids, I’ve finally gotten the hang of backing off.

[Anonymous]

Op here and I’m coming back to say how much I appreciate the support for this post!!!

To a pp: you are right that I’m not teaching children with severe special needs. When I have had children in my classroom recently diagnosed with high functioning autism, or on the road to be diagnosed with ADHD (note: I never have and never will be one who diagnoses—this is coming from the parents and their therapy teams), I have absolutely adjusted to their developmental needs, requiring different things from them as their classmates, but yes expecting them to learn along the way and working with them over and over to get there.

And to the pp who suggested this approach isn’t nurturing. I simply disagree that doing everything for your kids is nurturing. Being nurturing means listening to their feelings when they are upset, even if they are upset because they are the ones that took a toy out of another students hand or pushed someone else’s tower. Nurturing is noticing when they are feeling off, sad, angry, and stopping everything to make sure they are okay. Nurturing is knowing that there are no “bad” preschool students and knowing that bad choices are often a communication of a need. Nurturing is developing empathy skills in the classroom so that they are in an environment where everyone is kind. My students love me and give me hugs constantly—and none of them are upset at having to put their own coat or shoes on. They aren’t mad when I don’t throw their snack trash away. They aren’t feeling less-cared for in those moments. They are going along with the rules and boundaries and norms of the classroom and children love knowing clear routine and boundaries. It makes them feel proud, safe, and capable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Amen... I have recently returned to the classroom after a 20 year period off to be at home with my own children. I have been surprised by three things-1. the decline in coping skills -and by this I mean coping with boredom or frustration. Your child should not need to go to the social worker, bathroom, nurse with some fabricated excuse because we are about to begin an non preferred task such as math or phonics. 2. decline in general knowledge- all of this technology is not increasing general knowledge. Read or discuss the world with your child! 3. having to be the center of attention- yes, your child should be able to sit and listen to a classmate receive attention or or verbal praise without needing to sabotage. It’s been a real eye opener.

I wish teachers and parents would speak up and make it known to school admins that more and more technology in classrooms is NOT a good thing, especially when it’s used as a babysitting device.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here and I’m coming back to say how much I appreciate the support for this post!!!

To a pp: you are right that I’m not teaching children with severe special needs. When I have had children in my classroom recently diagnosed with high functioning autism, or on the road to be diagnosed with ADHD (note: I never have and never will be one who diagnoses—this is coming from the parents and their therapy teams), I have absolutely adjusted to their developmental needs, requiring different things from them as their classmates, but yes expecting them to learn along the way and working with them over and over to get there.

And to the pp who suggested this approach isn’t nurturing. I simply disagree that doing everything for your kids is nurturing. Being nurturing means listening to their feelings when they are upset, even if they are upset because they are the ones that took a toy out of another students hand or pushed someone else’s tower. Nurturing is noticing when they are feeling off, sad, angry, and stopping everything to make sure they are okay. Nurturing is knowing that there are no “bad” preschool students and knowing that bad choices are often a communication of a need. Nurturing is developing empathy skills in the classroom so that they are in an environment where everyone is kind. My students love me and give me hugs constantly—and none of them are upset at having to put their own coat or shoes on. They aren’t mad when I don’t throw their snack trash away. They aren’t feeling less-cared for in those moments. They are going along with the rules and boundaries and norms of the classroom and children love knowing clear routine and boundaries. It makes them feel proud, safe, and capable.

Could you give your good suggestions without being so sanctimonious?

I found my preschooler learned from watching other kids. That is rge advantage you have in a classroom -- peer models-- that parents often don't have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spoken from a true cultural bias toward independence. Some cultures highly value interdependence, OP. That doesn’t mean those parents are bad, just have different values.

https://www.dimensionsofculture.com/2013/09/how-individualism-and-collectivism-manifest-in-child-rearing-practices/

It’s a cultural norm, not a bias. Bias has a negative connotation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amen... I have recently returned to the classroom after a 20 year period off to be at home with my own children. I have been surprised by three things-1. the decline in coping skills -and by this I mean coping with boredom or frustration. Your child should not need to go to the social worker, bathroom, nurse with some fabricated excuse because we are about to begin an non preferred task such as math or phonics. 2. decline in general knowledge- all of this technology is not increasing general knowledge. Read or discuss the world with your child! 3. having to be the center of attention- yes, your child should be able to sit and listen to a classmate receive attention or or verbal praise without needing to sabotage. It’s been a real eye opener.

I wish teachers and parents would speak up and make it known to school admins that more and more technology in classrooms is NOT a good thing, especially when it’s used as a babysitting device.

The teachers at our school constantly have the kids playing games on the computer. They know. They do not are. They barely teach and are babysitters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op,

It’s the parents ability to parent that’s changed. The kids’ abilities are unchanged just untapped.

There’s a lot of dumb information and a lot of it about how to parent. Basics are getting buried in the avalanche.

You see this in potty training. Kids used to Ben potty trained shortly before they were 2. Now they are 3 and counting.

dp Part of the reason also is mothers were responsible for teaching their kids and not having high power jobs. Society put pressure on the age of the kids and pushed it younger. Face it does it really matter if they learn at 3 instead of 2? Who asks an 18 year old kid this type of questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spoken from a true cultural bias toward independence. Some cultures highly value interdependence, OP. That doesn’t mean those parents are bad, just have different values.

https://www.dimensionsofculture.com/2013/09/how-individualism-and-collectivism-manifest-in-child-rearing-practices/

Your article touched on toilet training, cosleeping, and feeding AT HOME. What is so culturally disagreeable about what OP said? If your child is in preschool, I assume you want your child to take care of his or her small needs. Learning to pour into a cup, putting on jacket and shoes, handling bathroom needs, etc.

You are incorrect that children around the world depend on mom for such small things.