Anyone have two working parents and no childcare (other than school during normal hours)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd rather DH and I were both home at the same times.

My mom was a nurse who worked nights and my dad was an engineer that worked days.

That's kind of selfish.

Ehh both of us are with the kids from 7-8 and then from 5pm onwards. I like being with dh and I think it’s important kids see both parents at dinner. Ymmv

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd rather DH and I were both home at the same times.

My mom was a nurse who worked nights and my dad was an engineer that worked days.

That's kind of selfish.

Ehh both of us are with the kids from 7-8 and then from 5pm onwards. I like being with dh and I think it’s important kids see both parents at dinner. Ymmv

I'm not sure how it can be described as selfish. I work from 11p-7a. Leave the house at 945. I sleep when I get home, get up at 3pm and meet DS at the bus stop at 330pm. Then DH gets home around 6pm-630. We eat dinner and hang out. Either DH or I put DS to bed around 730-8p. Then DH and I spend time together until I leave. DH goes to bed at 10pm anyways, so not missing out on much time with him. I rarely, if ever, work weekends. Sometimes I'm home to meet DH and DS at the bus stop or right before they leave the house. Otherwise DH does a great job with the morning routine.

So if you could explain how that's selfish, I'm all ears.

[Anonymous]

I think going from full time nanny to no help at all will be too drastic.

My DH works regular office hours and I work from home during school hours (I do contract work so my work is project based and workload varies a lot) - we do not use aftercare. I am the ‘default’ parent and pick them up at 3pm from school. My kids are 1st and 3rd graders so older than yours, and I am able to work upstairs when they are home downstairs.

The downside of this set up is that I have the 3pm pickup but rest of business world is still working - a lot of times I need to peel myself from the computer and rush over to pick them up and take them to activities, while work emails are still flying around and people are waiting for responses so I am stressed out and snarky the whole time. My only saving grace is that my workload varies so I have slow periods when I don’t have work.

If I were you, I’d put them in aftercare - you can pick them up early if you want to, but you’d always have backup when you can’t.

[Anonymous]

Our kids are enrolled in aftercare for emergencies only. I usually work early and DH does the drop off in the morning and I do pick up on the way home. My kids get out later than the neighborhood school. Their bus comes around 4:30 pm.

DH's work is 24 hours so there are several shifts he can pick. We have changed based on what the family needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd rather DH and I were both home at the same times.

My mom was a nurse who worked nights and my dad was an engineer that worked days.

That's kind of selfish.

Ehh both of us are with the kids from 7-8 and then from 5pm onwards. I like being with dh and I think it’s important kids see both parents at dinner. Ymmv

I'm not sure how it can be described as selfish. I work from 11p-7a. Leave the house at 945. I sleep when I get home, get up at 3pm and meet DS at the bus stop at 330pm. Then DH gets home around 6pm-630. We eat dinner and hang out. Either DH or I put DS to bed around 730-8p. Then DH and I spend time together until I leave. DH goes to bed at 10pm anyways, so not missing out on much time with him. I rarely, if ever, work weekends. Sometimes I'm home to meet DH and DS at the bus stop or right before they leave the house. Otherwise DH does a great job with the morning routine.

So if you could explain how that's selfish, I'm all ears.

What are weekends like? Aren’t you sleeping all morning/afternoon? That’s the part that seems sad to me, not selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd rather DH and I were both home at the same times.

My mom was a nurse who worked nights and my dad was an engineer that worked days.

That's kind of selfish.

Ehh both of us are with the kids from 7-8 and then from 5pm onwards. I like being with dh and I think it’s important kids see both parents at dinner. Ymmv

I'm not sure how it can be described as selfish. I work from 11p-7a. Leave the house at 945. I sleep when I get home, get up at 3pm and meet DS at the bus stop at 330pm. Then DH gets home around 6pm-630. We eat dinner and hang out. Either DH or I put DS to bed around 730-8p. Then DH and I spend time together until I leave. DH goes to bed at 10pm anyways, so not missing out on much time with him. I rarely, if ever, work weekends. Sometimes I'm home to meet DH and DS at the bus stop or right before they leave the house. Otherwise DH does a great job with the morning routine.

So if you could explain how that's selfish, I'm all ears.

What are weekends like? Aren’t you sleeping all morning/afternoon? That’s the part that seems sad to me, not selfish.

Nope! I do have to work some Friday nights, and I do one of two things:

Power through the day with some extra caffeine (which is what I will be doing today as DS has no school due to snow where we live)
Take a nap while DH and DS do their Saturday activity which takes about 2 hours. They do this activity about 2 Saturdays a month and it is their thing regardless of whether or not I am taking a nap. If I haven't worked Friday night, I spend those 2 hours doing something myself.

For instance, I have to work Friday night. Saturday, we are taking DS and his best friend up north for a Christmas event in the mountains and spending the night. I will be up all day Saturday and will probably have 2-3 cups of coffee but I'll manage just fine.

[Anonymous]

0508 here. I'll add, I sleep "normal people" hours when I am not working. So weekends, days off, etc I go to bed at 10pm with DH and get up to help get DS ready for school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:0508 here. I'll add, I sleep "normal people" hours when I am not working. So weekends, days off, etc I go to bed at 10pm with DH and get up to help get DS ready for school.

That must be so difficult to mess with your sleep schedule like that.
When I was in college I worked in a grocery store and my shifts were all over the place; some times I worked overnight (9 pm-5:30 am) and sometimes evenings (3 pm-9pm) or really almost anytime around the clock, depending on the store's needs. In between those hours I was fitting in classes, studying, etc. and therefore never really had a consistent schedule. Not having a consistent "sleep time" really wrecked me and my health definitely suffered. I only did it for a few years while in school and couldn't have kept it up longer than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:0508 here. I'll add, I sleep "normal people" hours when I am not working. So weekends, days off, etc I go to bed at 10pm with DH and get up to help get DS ready for school.

That must be so difficult to mess with your sleep schedule like that.
When I was in college I worked in a grocery store and my shifts were all over the place; some times I worked overnight (9 pm-5:30 am) and sometimes evenings (3 pm-9pm) or really almost anytime around the clock, depending on the store's needs. In between those hours I was fitting in classes, studying, etc. and therefore never really had a consistent schedule. Not having a consistent "sleep time" really wrecked me and my health definitely suffered. I only did it for a few years while in school and couldn't have kept it up longer than that.

I've been doing it for about 7 years (before DS was born) and have had no problems. It is definitely not for everyone and I've had many coworkers leave because it was too difficult to arrange a sleep schedule. I've been fortunate that it's an easy adjustment for me. I'm sure as I get older (I'm 33) I may not be as fortunate so I'll enjoy it for now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We faced this decision and ended up hiring a nanny/housekeeper once our kids were in school full-time.

She does all of the errands, groceries, etc... and also cleans the house for us. It's a huge indulgence/luxury but it's also a lifesaver on days when a kid is sick or a parent is travelling.

We hired a live in housekeeper when our 3 kids went to school. Makes life so much enjoyable. No laundry and cleaning on the weekends. Get to enjoy the kids and dh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to be sarcastic or judged... just in awe “ looking from the other side of the fence” and wondering how on Earth you do:
Private school for two kids
Full time nanny
Flexible 9-5, work from home jobs

I earnestly want to know so I can consider how to do whatever you are doing and consider career change for husband and me!

Not family money as PP said. My husband and I both have multiple advanced degrees in the fields in which we work, we both worked our asses off before we had kids and were able to rise to the top of our professions. Then he started his own company and I got to dictate what I wanted to do with my job. So we're lucky enough to be very well paid but also have flexible jobs. My in-laws are not remotely rich (my husband has paid for everything since his bike at age 12). My parents are wealthy and paid for my college but not either of my graduate degrees and they don't give us money. Honestly, we're very lucky. I don't think either of us necessarily thought this is where we'd end up, but we did. I know a ton of people who have worked their asses off their whole lives and haven't been as fortunate. So really we're just lucky.

OP, thanks for the candid answer. It is almost like you need mentors: coaches to guide you through life and parenting choices but people seldom talk about things like this- at least I. My age bracket. As I start planning for the future it is helpful to hear from others and find ways to sprinkle with luck my hard work-Working to pursue a Masters degree currently. May I ask what are the fields you and your husband are in? I feel every few years there are lots of which jobs have demand and which are dead ends. Sorry if I am prying too much and thank you again!

I'm a lawyer and my husband is an engineer who works in the defense industry. I'm in a relatively specialized field and went to work for the government straight out of law school even though I made way less than my friends in private practice but after ten years there I was in high demand in the private sector and got to write my own ticket. My husband designed a highly specialized piece of detection equipment that is used on all Navy ships. Again, very lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your nanny planning to become a SAHM? I wonder if she would be willing to stay PT if you took morning drop off off her plate.

I thought about that. Mornings aren't a huge concern, so we may ask her to consider working part-time for some afternoons if she's interested. Right now she's saying she doesn't want to work at all. We'd still need someone new for summer, although I was thinking we'd possibly use a student during that time if we didn't plan to have anyone continue once school started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You answered your question in your post.

You have flexible jobs.
Kids can do activities after school sometimes.
Kids can entertain themselves while you work from home after school.
Other things you listed.

What is the issue?

She has a FT nanny now. She has no idea how much the nanny’s doing. Kids will be needy if “entertaining themselves” after school almost every day.
It’s weird that she doesn’t just get a normal amount of care, such as a sitter. Or aftercare.

Actually, I do know exactly how much she's doing, which is why I'm trying to be realistic about not hiring someone to take her place. I'm not expecting my kids to entertain themselves after school every day. A lot of people have suggested after care, so it's good to know that kids seem to really like that. It's not an option we've ever used before so I don't know much about it. I never said I wouldn't use that option. Also, sorry you think it's "weird" that I wouldn't get a sitter, but part-time sitters are incredibly hard to find, at least ones that are really reliable. And payment is not an issue. We pay our current nanny $30/hour ($45/hour for overtime) so I'm not cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go with aftercare but line up backup options for sick days or school holidays when you and DH can’t WFH. Keep the cleaners for sure.

I am of the opinion that it’s nice for parents to grocery shop and run errands with their kids. Kids get exposure to different venues; it’s a learning opportunity and a chance to pick up new interests (hey let’s try out that cool-looking fruit, I didn’t know that’s how they glued tiles together...). Also, kids should learn to take responsibility by making their own beds and neatening up their toys. The extreme luxury of having everything done for them, and their entire lives outside of school be focused on leisure, may ultimately be poor preparation for the real world.

I agree with you, and we do actually do go grocery shopping and run errands with the kids, but most weeks our nanny will either do one larger trip or get some specialty items that they don't have at the regular store and do things like handle Amazon returns that honestly I'd just rather not do. My kids are also responsible for making their own beds, putting their clothes away, cleaning up their toys, setting the table, putting their dishes in the dishwasher, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You answered your question in your post.

You have flexible jobs.
Kids can do activities after school sometimes.
Kids can entertain themselves while you work from home after school.
Other things you listed.

What is the issue?

She has a FT nanny now. She has no idea how much the nanny’s doing. Kids will be needy if “entertaining themselves” after school almost every day.
It’s weird that she doesn’t just get a normal amount of care, such as a sitter. Or aftercare.

Actually, I do know exactly how much she's doing, which is why I'm trying to be realistic about not hiring someone to take her place. I'm not expecting my kids to entertain themselves after school every day. A lot of people have suggested after care, so it's good to know that kids seem to really like that. It's not an option we've ever used before so I don't know much about it. I never said I wouldn't use that option. Also, sorry you think it's "weird" that I wouldn't get a sitter, but part-time sitters are incredibly hard to find, at least ones that are really reliable. And payment is not an issue. We pay our current nanny $30/hour ($45/hour for overtime) so I'm not cheap.

Wow $30/hr for multichild care cooking, cleaning and errands? TBH that sounds like a good deal for you, and kind of a bad deal for the nanny