Maintain contact with ex-sister in law?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’ll offer a different point of view. I think it might be better not to see her. It doesn’t sound like you two are particularly close - with the texts you describe and lack of contact. There are lots of people that it might be “nice to see” but aren’t priorities and some of those relationships fall away over the years. I don’t think it’s a great idea to go out of your way to cultivate this one. I’d say let it go. If she had been a dear, dear friend that you completely trusted and often confided in, spent weekends with, etc... maybe my feedback would be different. But a decade of knowing someone in the family isn’t necessarily a reason to stay in touch. My vote, don’t see her behind your brother’s back.

I agree. What’s the point? You are already drifting away, so let it go.

[Anonymous]

After screwing up 2-3 marriages and multiple kids by multiple women, he loses the right to dictate you talking to his ex. You are doing it to maintain a relationship with your niece. That is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here,
My understanding is ex SIL has threatened legal action (restraining order? Don’t know if that’s even possible) to prevent my sister in law from attending any school events / parent-teacher conferences etc and prevent my brother from attending them on days that aren’t “his”. My brother claims she said she’d sue the school if the teacher communicates with brother’s wife. I have no idea if any of this is true. He says she has also said she will call police if they set foot on her property so that custody exchanges are done on the street / in the car. To date she has not been willing to talk to my brother’s new wife (ie no words exchanged if she does drop off / they haven’t spoken ever) but my ex SIL has a significant other who has met / gone to coffee with my brother and his wife on some occasions and (according to my brother) is approachable and reasonable. The drama!!!

Anyway, because there is a supposed threat of further legal action (my brother and his wife are considering hashing this out in court, they say) this is the grounds for their request not to see her. I have no way or knowing if they are actually considering this or just want to control how the holidays are spent. In my experience my brother and his wife are actually very rational people on all other topics, and tend to give good advice, but my ex SIl was always kind and approachable too.

Too much drama- you should tell SIL that you can't make it. Find an excuse. I totally get that she's vindictive over the OW-- affairs will make sane people crazy, but the other stuff around the drinking, finances, etc. make her sound manipulative. Opening up a friendship with her probably won't end well.

[Anonymous]

My brother does not dictate to me who my friends are. I would tell him m to go jump in a lake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here,
My understanding is ex SIL has threatened legal action (restraining order? Don’t know if that’s even possible) to prevent my sister in law from attending any school events / parent-teacher conferences etc and prevent my brother from attending them on days that aren’t “his”. My brother claims she said she’d sue the school if the teacher communicates with brother’s wife. I have no idea if any of this is true. He says she has also said she will call police if they set foot on her property so that custody exchanges are done on the street / in the car. To date she has not been willing to talk to my brother’s new wife (ie no words exchanged if she does drop off / they haven’t spoken ever) but my ex SIL has a significant other who has met / gone to coffee with my brother and his wife on some occasions and (according to my brother) is approachable and reasonable. The drama!!!

Anyway, because there is a supposed threat of further legal action (my brother and his wife are considering hashing this out in court, they say) this is the grounds for their request not to see her. I have no way or knowing if they are actually considering this or just want to control how the holidays are spent. In my experience my brother and his wife are actually very rational people on all other topics, and tend to give good advice, but my ex SIl was always kind and approachable too.

Too much drama- you should tell SIL that you can't make it. Find an excuse. I totally get that she's vindictive over the OW-- affairs will make sane people crazy, but the other stuff around the drinking, finances, etc. make her sound manipulative. Opening up a friendship with her probably won't end well.

I disagree. Think of the oldest child - SILs and brother’s kid - it must be horrible to grow up knowing that your family hates each other. You being friendly with her mother is a very small kindness that will mean more than you know to your niece/nephew.

[Anonymous]

Children notice when people are mean to their parents. I would meet SIL for tea. Its not like you’re going on a long trip together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children notice when people are mean to their parents. I would meet SIL for tea. Its not like you’re going on a long trip together.

Not being able to find time to meet with someone does not equate to being mean.