Sharing night duties/sleep shifts

[Anonymous]

I always did the night shift.

Some husbands have jobs with high risk demands. If your husband has a desk job, maybe being well rested isn’t critical. Some professions it is essential that you are well rested: pilot, surgeon, pharmacist, air traffic controller, to name a few. Would you want to go in for a big cancer removal operation knowing your surgeon was up much the night with a newborn?

[Anonymous]

More excuses, same sexism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Side DH. He has to be fresh for work. It’s nice of him to offer to take 5 am. My DH has a super stressful job for which he needs to be alert for and wouldn’t do any of the night wakings.
I think that you need to sleep during the day whenever your baby sleeps. I know easier said that done, but it is what it is while you are on leave.

So then when she goes back to work... what happens? It's his turn to be tired and she gets to rest because she needs to be fresh?

She has done all of the work for 9 months plus and has a physical recovery to get through. They are both busy during the day, they should be sharing the disruption during the night.

I genuinely don't understand why women accept this BS.

She did her job for nine months? What did she do? Yes, she got fat as a cow, waddles, and gave birth but this was her choice and her DH, physiologically, could not have done this. She is on maternity leave and taking care of her child is the reason why she us on maternity leave!!!!!!! During this time she should also sleep train child. Maternity leave is not meant to be a vacation for OP.

As for when she goes back to work, if she is still nursing, he can't do she gets up. If she pumps then no reason why he can't take one feeding.

I just love your assumption that all mothers have the months-long maternity leaves that would be required for babies to be old enough for sleep training. I ended up having to go back to work after 6 weeks, as did quite a few other women I know. In fact, most everyone I know was back at work once FMLA ran out at 12 weeks. These months-long maternity leaves some women around here get are outliers, I assure you.

My DH took a week off. During that time, he got up with me and changed the baby and brought me snacks/water while I nursed (I was ravenous around the clock those early days). After he went back to work, I did everything. I had a baby that would not stay asleep unless she was held (reflux), I was an exhausted disaster with PPD/PPA by the time I went back to work, and the lack of sleep was a major contributing factor. I won't be making that mistake twice.

[Anonymous]

We alternated nights, so we each got sleep every other night. This continued after maternity leave ended. As a WOHM attorney, I found the early weeks of maternity leave to be more stressful and exhausting than work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We alternated nights, so we each got sleep every other night. This continued after maternity leave ended. As a WOHM attorney, I found the early weeks of maternity leave to be more stressful and exhausting than work.

I'm the PP at 14:38. I'm pregnant with DD#2 now, and this is what we are planning on doing for the second time around. There's no way I can carry the full burden again and not risk my mental health, and DH is fully aware of that and on board this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but this is why you’re home on maternity leave. If he’s going to handle a shift it should be day earlier than midnight or 5 AM. He needs rest to go to work. You need to nap when the baby sleeps during the day.

I disagree. You're home on maternity leave because your body is also recovering and you also need rest to function.

You deserve an equal partner in this journey.

this. what kind of man refuses to help his wife like this? he wants her to go back to work completely ruined and exhausted?

[Anonymous]

I did all the feedings because our kids didn't take the bottle, so they were ebf-ed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We alternated nights, so we each got sleep every other night. This continued after maternity leave ended. As a WOHM attorney, I found the early weeks of maternity leave to be more stressful and exhausting than work.

My big firm job must have really been hell because maternity leave felt like a vacation to me. That time in my life is a period I look back on as so pleasant. I think my child was an easy baby and I was really burnt out from work.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I split the nights as many people have suggested. He stayed up late (12-1 ish) then I did any other wake ups. I had a long maternity leave but my baby's wake ups were completely random every night so long stretches of sleep were hard to come by and she wouldn't nap unless she was held or in the carrier so that meant no day time naps for me. I remember around 5 months she took a nap in the crib and it was like the heavens opened up. That made me see why some women love maternity leave so much.

[Anonymous]

My kids were EBF but husband woke up with me for all feedings. I couldn't emotionally/physically handle doing it all on my own at night, kids were loud and woke him anyway and he needs less sleep than me to function. It worked for us. If your current routine isn't working for you, husband needs to pull more weight.

[Anonymous]

We did back to back maternity and paternity. I did nights during maternity. He did nights during paternity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We alternated nights, so we each got sleep every other night. This continued after maternity leave ended. As a WOHM attorney, I found the early weeks of maternity leave to be more stressful and exhausting than work.

My big firm job must have really been hell because maternity leave felt like a vacation to me. That time in my life is a period I look back on as so pleasant. I think my child was an easy baby and I was really burnt out from work.

Another biglaw attorney. Agree having an infant felt easy compared to work and the lack of sleep wasn’t that bad by comparison. But that’s pretty sad.