Sharing night duties/sleep shifts

[Anonymous]

Sleep deprivation and driving is a recipe for car accidents so since my DH has to drive to work and I don't while on leave, he gets a 6 hour sleep stretch. I wouldn't let him drive after drinking and I wouldn't let him drive after a night of no sleep. He also can't nap during the day and needs to be alert to keep his job. People look like a wreck when sleep deprived and him looking like a wreck at work is a lot more problematic than me looking like a wreck at home. I usually got about 6 hours too - I would go to bed about 9:00 after feeding. he would do the midnight feed, and I would be up again for the 3:00am. Usually both of us were up by the time 6:00 rolled around.

We sleep trained before I went back to work to be sure that once both of us needed to not look like wrecks and to be alert and to be safe on the roads, we could both sleep.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I think needing to go to work is a total excuse to get out of one of the hardest parts of having a new baby.

Yes, you are on maternity leave - but you are also recovering from giving birth.

IMO the first 6-8 weeks night parenting should be shared 50/50, and only then does dad get an uninterrupted 5 hours or so while the mom (IF she's still on leave) takes on more of the burden.

[Anonymous]

OP, is this your first baby? If so you need to start making clear NOW that you expect 50/50 contribution. This is how mothers end up handling 80% of the childcare/home stuff even when they too work full time.

[Anonymous]

So many excuses for why our precious husbands need sleep and we need to trudge selflessly on.

Just nap when the baby naps! Nothing is more refreshing than an unpredictable series of 20-30 minute naps. Now that I think about it...it's kind of selfish to nap while the baby naps. That is a great time to clean bottles, wash clothes, and prepare meals. After all, we're home on leave so why should our amazing, hard-working husbands have to clean up after us?

So #blessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my husband is refusing to help out at night with baby and says since he has work (during my maternity leave) he needs sleep. We have had a number of conversations and he refuses to take one feeding shift (like 1am or 2am) he said he will do the morning (5am) but I'm an early riser and that will not help relieve the sleepless nights. Our son is pretty nocturnal still and is up the majority of the night.

How did you split your feeding shifts? I'm sleep deprived and need a solution. I am definitely starting to resent him sleeping through my sleeplessness nights which is not good for our relationship.

We split it as he said. My husband went to be early, did the 5 AM feeding. I went to bed really late after the 1-2 PM feeding and then he put baby in a PNP next to me and went to work earlier and got home earlier. Worked well. My son was usually up late so it worked out as we'd both just sleep in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but this is why you’re home on maternity leave. If he’s going to handle a shift it should be day earlier than midnight or 5 AM. He needs rest to go to work. You need to nap when the baby sleeps during the day.

I disagree. You're home on maternity leave because your body is also recovering and you also need rest to function.

You deserve an equal partner in this journey.

Can he nap during the day at the office? I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but this is why you’re home on maternity leave. If he’s going to handle a shift it should be day earlier than midnight or 5 AM. He needs rest to go to work. You need to nap when the baby sleeps during the day.

I disagree. You're home on maternity leave because your body is also recovering and you also need rest to function.

You deserve an equal partner in this journey.

Can he nap during the day at the office? I doubt it.

He's a big boy so he did just fine at work.

Why are you all so concerned about your sleepy husbands and also dismissive of other mothers? If you can manage, so can they. Lean on each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but this is why you’re home on maternity leave. If he’s going to handle a shift it should be day earlier than midnight or 5 AM. He needs rest to go to work. You need to nap when the baby sleeps during the day.

I disagree. You're home on maternity leave because your body is also recovering and you also need rest to function.

You deserve an equal partner in this journey.

Can he nap during the day at the office? I doubt it.

It is rare that you nap at home with the baby. People always use that as a weapon. But you just can’t. Maybe once every other week you get an hour this way, but it does not make up for the backlog of missed sleep or recovering from birth. also the person at home is generally the one that’s driving the baby around so… Might be a good idea if they slept as well. Thinking doctors appointments and groceries that kind of thing. The baby will be in the car, mom needs to be rested too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many excuses for why our precious husbands need sleep and we need to trudge selflessly on.

Just nap when the baby naps! Nothing is more refreshing than an unpredictable series of 20-30 minute naps. Now that I think about it...it's kind of selfish to nap while the baby naps. That is a great time to clean bottles, wash clothes, and prepare meals. After all, we're home on leave so why should our amazing, hard-working husbands have to clean up after us?

So #blessed.

+a million to this.
My DD had horrible reflux and did nothing longer than cat naps all day for weeks. I was so exhausted that I found myself dozing off while nursing her, and then terrified that I would drop her or accidentally smother her or something, or fall asleep driving us to her appointments, etc. It was a nightmare. “Sleep when the baby sleeps” isn’t practical for a lot of women. Based on similar tales from friends and family, I know I wasn’t alone in that experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but this is why you’re home on maternity leave. If he’s going to handle a shift it should be day earlier than midnight or 5 AM. He needs rest to go to work. You need to nap when the baby sleeps during the day.

I disagree. You're home on maternity leave because your body is also recovering and you also need rest to function.

You deserve an equal partner in this journey.

Can he nap during the day at the office? I doubt it.

It is rare that you nap at home with the baby. People always use that as a weapon. But you just can’t. Maybe once every other week you get an hour this way, but it does not make up for the backlog of missed sleep or recovering from birth. also the person at home is generally the one that’s driving the baby around so… Might be a good idea if they slept as well. Thinking doctors appointments and groceries that kind of thing. The baby will be in the car, mom needs to be rested too.

I remember the one time I napped when the baby napped for an hour. It was awesome. But somehow, it did not happen again.

[Anonymous]

ExDH and I would split responsibilities on the night shifts. Both of us would get up, one would change the diaper while the other prepped the bottle. And then we'd alternate who stayed up longer to feed and who went back to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Side DH. He has to be fresh for work. It’s nice of him to offer to take 5 am. My DH has a super stressful job for which he needs to be alert for and wouldn’t do any of the night wakings.
I think that you need to sleep during the day whenever your baby sleeps. I know easier said that done, but it is what it is while you are on leave.

So then when she goes back to work... what happens? It's his turn to be tired and she gets to rest because she needs to be fresh?

She has done all of the work for 9 months plus and has a physical recovery to get through. They are both busy during the day, they should be sharing the disruption during the night.

I genuinely don't understand why women accept this BS.

She did her job for nine months? What did she do? Yes, she got fat as a cow, waddles, and gave birth but this was her choice and her DH, physiologically, could not have done this. She is on maternity leave and taking care of her child is the reason why she us on maternity leave!!!!!!! During this time she should also sleep train child. Maternity leave is not meant to be a vacation for OP.

As for when she goes back to work, if she is still nursing, he can't do she gets up. If she pumps then no reason why he can't take one feeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Side DH. He has to be fresh for work. It’s nice of him to offer to take 5 am. My DH has a super stressful job for which he needs to be alert for and wouldn’t do any of the night wakings.
I think that you need to sleep during the day whenever your baby sleeps. I know easier said that done, but it is what it is while you are on leave.

So then when she goes back to work... what happens? It's his turn to be tired and she gets to rest because she needs to be fresh?

She has done all of the work for 9 months plus and has a physical recovery to get through. They are both busy during the day, they should be sharing the disruption during the night.

I genuinely don't understand why women accept this BS.

She did her job for nine months? What did she do? Yes, she got fat as a cow, waddles, and gave birth but this was her choice and her DH, physiologically, could not have done this. She is on maternity leave and taking care of her child is the reason why she us on maternity leave!!!!!!! During this time she should also sleep train child. Maternity leave is not meant to be a vacation for OP.

As for when she goes back to work, if she is still nursing, he can't do she gets up. If she pumps then no reason why he can't take one feeding.

You do not believe women need leave to recover physically from childbirth? GTFO, troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but this is why you’re home on maternity leave. If he’s going to handle a shift it should be day earlier than midnight or 5 AM. He needs rest to go to work. You need to nap when the baby sleeps during the day.

I disagree. You're home on maternity leave because your body is also recovering and you also need rest to function.

You deserve an equal partner in this journey.

Yes!!! I am sort of surprised by everyone who is saying that she should be taking all the night feeds. He needs to help out. And also, how many of you really were able to sleep while the baby slept? Everyone once in a while I'd get a nap in there, but it would never be long (45 mins or so) and then other times that baby slept, I'd be doing laundry or dishes, or cleaning pump parts, or making formula or taking a shower, or grocery shopping, or cooking, or writing thank you cards, or one of the other hundred things that needs to be done.

Just because she is on maternity leave doesn't mean she should assume all the night wakings and run herself into the ground. I was unable to breastfeed and pumped exclusively with both kids and so my husband would do the nights feeds while I pumped. Once I dropped some of the nights pumps, my husband and I would take turns with teh night feeds.

[Anonymous]

DH helped me (woke up and helped with changing etc.) for as long as he was on paternity leave and the baby was sleeping in our room. Once he went back to work and I was still on mat leave (1 month) I did the overnights. Our kids were mostly STTN by 4-5 months when I went back to work. If they woke during the night I handled it (still BFing). I really didn't mind.

DH responds to the majority of night wakings with young kids now and is the default puke and nighttime accident handler. He says it's the least he can do - I think I got the way better deal.