Question to Teachers: What is it like dealing with parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really try to remember they just love their kids and want what is best for them. It helps me forgive/not take personally their demeanor and actions sometimes. The biggest issues are:

-their willingness to believe a kid, who has reason to lie about turning in an assignment or doing something, actually did submit something when I, who have nothing to gain or lose here, say they didn’t. Google classroom time stamps stuff. It will also show if something is entirely missing. If I say I don’t have it, please realize I have no reason to lie about that. Your kid, who knows you’re mad and might ground him, DOES have reason to lie.

-I’m on your side. I want what is best for your kid. IF I move their seat or take their phone, I’m not doing it to punish them, I’m doing it because I am helping them be successful. I cannot make them do work and if they’re choosing to fail they might no matter what but I will not make it easy or enjoyable for them to choose to fail.

-it is really obvious when you do their work for them and that DOES NOT HELP THEM. Remember, I see the time stamps. I print out examples of their actual real work done in class and then the examples of magically perfect writing that are done at 9:30 pm when they’re home with you. I provide that as data to case managers when they ask for progress updates. But when your kid has a timed write in class you can’t do for them and they didn’t learn the writing skills that you didn’t let me teach them, it will show. I am not afraid to bring that up at your IEP review either.

-please don’t accuse me of not providing accommodations if your kid isn’t doing well. I am providing every single one AND MORE usually, but if they are not turning in work, I CAN’T GRADE IT. I am only part of helping your child succeed; they are the main person to look at if their grade is low.

-I don’t expect you to work miracles at home. I get you’re not perfect and neither are they. So please extend me the same grace. I can’t work miracles either.

-please just love and accept your child for who they are. They might be a C student when they try their best and that’s ok. You insisting they’re at a higher level or can handle an honors level + when they can’t makes everyone’s life harder.

Once I was grading papers in the evening and I was reading a student's paper which was submitted on a Google Doc. The child's mother was on the document (logged in from her own Google account) and was "editing" (i.e. rewriting) the paper! Seriously, people???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have loved all my parents. Even with difficult children. I have had good relationships with all of them. This is because I view their kids as my own, tell them that, and they know I have their childs' best interest at heart with any decision I make. I try not to badger but make aware any concerns in a professional manner. I also go above and beyond for my families: some were wealthy but dealing with coping and personal tragedy. Others were struggling in the worst way. I would listen, let them vent, help them look for jobs, temp housing, help with aging or sick parents ( I went through that so knew what to do), found free grief therapy for a child and Dad who lost a Mom, gave my own kids' clothes to a child I adored but were penniless and living with terrible fosters, and bought lunch for a child with no food at home. People have problems and need help. See past defensiveness and offer a helping hand. Learn why they hover over their baby: they might have paid dearly to have him or her, listen, and never judge.

Signed a damn good teacher of 11 years who still has patents keep in touch since my student teaching days ( kids are now in college)

You sound insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who have an issue with how I do something and CC the principal. And the spineless principal bends over backwards for them and berates me.

- LCPS

Or, worse, the ones who CC the counselor. Um, they aren’t my superior. We are colleagues. Telling on me to them does nothing, they’re in no position of authority. They can’t make me change my grade. They don’t even know what the heck is going on in my classes to have any input into my grading.

Huh.
This one suprises me. I cc'd the counselor on an email to my child's teacher just last week. It had nothing at all to do with "telling on" the teacher. It had to do with the fact that the child's struggle with school work is impacting him emotionally, and I'm hoping that both professionals can help my kid. Why would you assume that a parent is telling on you, rather than trying to get all the adults who care for the child to have the same shared set of facts?

Because those are not the emails I’m talking about. I’m talking about the ones that say “my child worked hard and got a 70 on this. Explain.” How is the counselor supposed to address that?

[Anonymous]

Once I was grading papers in the evening and I was reading a student's paper which was submitted on a Google Doc. The child's mother was on the document (logged in from her own Google account) and was "editing" (i.e. rewriting) the paper! Seriously, people???



I am confused by this. I thought that once a student "turns in" an assignment, it cannot be changed without unsubmitting it. Are you talking about "sharing" a doc? Also in some households computers are shared between family members. How do you know that it was not a student, who logged in from a wrong account by accident (since computers tend to be helpful and autofill the login info)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Once I was grading papers in the evening and I was reading a student's paper which was submitted on a Google Doc. The child's mother was on the document (logged in from her own Google account) and was "editing" (i.e. rewriting) the paper! Seriously, people???



I am confused by this. I thought that once a student "turns in" an assignment, it cannot be changed without unsubmitting it. Are you talking about "sharing" a doc? Also in some households computers are shared between family members. How do you know that it was not a student, who logged in from a wrong account by accident (since computers tend to be helpful and autofill the login info)?

If a student has logged into their mom’s account, they could not access the doc since it would be in their account’s Google drive. Even if they went through google classroom to access it, they couldn’t be in google classroom in their mom’s account since you can only enroll kids in the classroom with their school email. Random people can’t just access it. The kid obviously shared it with mom who then had access I’d her name was showing as the one currently making edits.

[Anonymous]

What’s really hard for me as a teacher:

1) Parents who say that they don’t understand how their child is getting low scores because “he seems fine at home” or “he did fine last year.” At home your child can get 1:1 or semi-individualized attention and there are a lot less distractions. I’ve also spoken to last year’s teacher and/or reviewed their records, so you are either lying or not listening.

2) Parents who talk badly about the teacher in front of their kids at home and parents that make excuses for their child in front of him/her. Your child will have an attitude that will affect their educational success, trust me.

3) Parents that don’t answer emails or check grades online. I need to know that you are aware that your child is struggling so that you can give me insight or give him/her help at home.

4) Trash talking on social media. It’s mean, unfair, and could damage my livelihood. How would you like me to talk about you online?

5) Parents that don’t understand that the nature of public education means that we can’t individuals as much as they -or we! - would like. You do what you can for the greatest common good. I spend 11 hours a day on schoolwork and another 5 or more hours on the weekends. When your child does poorly it may very well bother me more than you and the sheer amount of time I’ve spent makes it even worse. I tried my best.

[Anonymous]

individualize, not individuals (in number 5)

[Anonymous]

Here are email quotes from JUST Friday after 4 through today (Monday) around 4. I have lightly edited them to protect kids’ identities:

1) “You have the privilege of teaching my child.”
2) “I saw his grades were low, but I thought you would fix them before the quarter ended.”
3) “Next time you should be clear about what due date means. My son was at _____ and they didn’t have due dates, which are really stressful. This is just sixth grade!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been told that because I am "only a teacher" I am not as qualified as the parent - the spouse of a pediatrician - to make observations on behavior trends I witnessed in the classroom. I was not attempting to make a diagnosis or anything clinical, simply raised issues with poor emotional regulation and other classroom issues with peers. The best part is this woman doesn't have a health care background, she was simply married to a doctor. Her husband was pleasant but disengaged. She actually told me that I "probably wasn't intelligent enough" to complete a degree in a more challenging field.

Weird, rude, and totally misguided - so sorry that happened to you. I specifically ask my kids' teachers what they're seeing because apart from DH and me, no one else spends as much time with them, sees them behave in as many different situations, or knows them as well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here are email quotes from JUST Friday after 4 through today (Monday) around 4. I have lightly edited them to protect kids’ identities:

1) “You have the privilege of teaching my child.”
2) “I saw his grades were low, but I thought you would fix them before the quarter ended.”
3) “Next time you should be clear about what due date means. My son was at _____ and they didn’t have due dates, which are really stressful. This is just sixth grade!”

This sounds about right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s really hard for me as a teacher:

1) Parents who say that they don’t understand how their child is getting low scores because “he seems fine at home” or “he did fine last year.” At home your child can get 1:1 or semi-individualized attention and there are a lot less distractions. I’ve also spoken to last year’s teacher and/or reviewed their records, so you are either lying or not listening.

2) Parents who talk badly about the teacher in front of their kids at home and parents that make excuses for their child in front of him/her. Your child will have an attitude that will affect their educational success, trust me.

3) Parents that don’t answer emails or check grades online. I need to know that you are aware that your child is struggling so that you can give me insight or give him/her help at home.

4) Trash talking on social media. It’s mean, unfair, and could damage my livelihood. How would you like me to talk about you online?

5) Parents that don’t understand that the nature of public education means that we can’t individuals as much as they -or we! - would like. You do what you can for the greatest common good. I spend 11 hours a day on schoolwork and another 5 or more hours on the weekends. When your child does poorly it may very well bother me more than you and the sheer amount of time I’ve spent makes it even worse. I tried my best.

I see all of this except #4 —mainly because I’m not on SM that often and my friends and family are nice people who respect teachers.

I teach a discipline in which there is an enormous skill leap between year 1 and year 2. We tell parents this, but they don’t believe it. A B in year 1 is a good predictor of a C in year 2 or worse if the student does not study or do homework. To complicate matters, parents like to go hands off at this time so they may not see grades until report card time and then they are angry. It was their choice to not look at Portal or the interim report, but somehow, it is the teacher’s fault.